trying desperately to change to fit in with NTs

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there's a site that I really want to fit into but over the past 10 years, I've done a lot of damage to my image and reputation by making drive-by jokes, spouting off off-topic stuff, posting personal stuff about my life, being prone to fits of paranoia and depression, getting into fights over ideology and so on.

They all know I have Aspergers and ADHD and depression and all that but a lot of them claim that I use it as a crutch. I think they think I should think and talk like everyone else. Sometimes I wish I could beat it into their heads that I DON'T KNOW HOW!

I even tried this time being charitable and stuff. They just want no part of me.

Trying to fit in: Why?

because the site is my hobby and I like to talk shop with them and I'd like to have friends.

Sounds just like real life.

Sorry I can't offer any practical advice. My parents always used to say that to fit in, I should just "be myself". Well, I tried that and ended up rejected. WP is about the only social arena where I feel even mildly included.

*sigh* even here I feel an outsider. I just think a lot of you think I'm too NT. You know how some African-Americans won't associate with lighter-skinned African-Americans even though they're obviously black?

Not sure what makes you feel like an oustider here. A couple of people empathized and offered advice.


I used to belong to a forum where every post I made was attacked relentlessly. It made me feel terrible but I kept posting because I wanted some.. any.. advice on my circumstances. So I do feel your pain. I'm really nost sure what advice to offer, though.

You say you 'want to have some friends.' That might actually be a problem, there. I don't think most people come on the internet to make friends. They generally like to stay anonomous, not form any kind of ties at all, and act like complete a-holes because there are no rules/real consequences. So wanting to bond with these people may well be impossible.
Just an observation *shrug*

I found it not too hard in making friends after a while on a site called Free Dominion.I have been there for almost four years and they have been pretty good to me.I only had a problem with one poster who kept attacking me everytime I had a sort of online "meltdown", but other posters came to my defence.The meltdowns werent very often, but even when i didnt have one and was posting my political opinon, that one poster was on my case.Luckily, she hasnt been around for a while and I feel safe again.It took me a while to fit in and trust people there and for them to trust me.Nowadays after many attacks by "leftwingers", the site is very cautious toward newcomers.It is a conservative politcal site, whereby politics is one of my special interest and I share the same politcal views as most of the posters on Free Dominion.They are all NT, but they dont know about my ASD since I nver mention it and mostly stick to the issues.If I make a joke none of them get, they mostly ignore it, which is better than just attacking me.
The people here on WP are pretty good. tooI have had a few nice PMs since joining.

Think of it as trying out for a part in a play.

ruveyn

In the real (or arguably current) world, you can expect that.

Make up for social defecits with pure awesome. Whatever this site is, contribute to it somehow with good material, whatever it is they value or admire, and don't get caught up in the buzz of pointless chatter inbetween. Just because you're depressed or paranoid doesn't mean it needs to be broadcasted.

In essence, stick to your strengths.

I loved my drive-by jokes. I thought they were funny. Evidently, no one else thought so.

Like Asmodeus said - try to lean towards the intent of the site, not the individuals - or yourself.

Trying desperately to change to fit in with NT's is a futile attempt, just the same as if the Nt's were trying to fit in with you, it ain't gonna happen. But we Can get along.

If I am focusing on the NT, then I am ignoring the person, and anything that person does or says is already subjected to my focus. However I can't take all the blame and shame, Nt's do the same thing, just like you stated in your original post, they were focusing on the personal differences, therefore blocking anything or any input you might have, other than that difference they choose to exaggerate. Deal is, it's not a racial, social, religious or any other limiting group that these things apply too. It's an individuals actions, not the entire country they are from.

Thing is, nobody is perfect regardless of such claims. We all have good and bad, strengths and weakness, which ever one we feed or allow to be fed, will be the stronger of the two. If I feed or get fed negative crap, same effect. So as was already said, feed the good, for good, with the good that we all have in us, and it will all be good. If you are trying to change their opinions or actions, it will only entice more fear that you might be right. If you set an example of bashing and flaming and so on, guess what.....And to reverse ones opinion of you, it takes seven times as long as their current opinion has stood, so you might want to consider if it's really worth it.

yeah, it might be a good idea to talk shop with different people.