In denial

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I have a nephew who has now been diagnosed with Aspergers. He is 29 years old and everyone in my family is in denial about what is best for him. He has been wrapped in cotton wool for all his life and now spends much of his time in his bedroom on the computer, watching sports, and only coming out for food and to sing in the opera which is his passion. I'm afraid he has no skills for the big wide world, has never held down a job or been given the skills to do so. He's unaware of the world around him and thinks that his life will continue as it is, living with his grandparents, mother and brother and not having a care in the world about where the food, clothes, heating etc are coming from. I am so concerned that there is a bomb waiting to explode and nobody is willing to do a thing about it. He has an obsession with food and has to eat constantly. Perhaps someone could tell me whether this is part of his aspergers behavious. He does not know when to wash and again, has to be told when he needs to bathe. Again, can someone tell me if this is to do with his condition.

Is there anyone out there who understand what I am writing about and can see it from my point of view? I am using my common sense and looking at this situation realistically, so if my statement sounds harsh, it is only trying to point out that sometimes you have a be a little bit cruel to be kind.

Greetings, Octavia.

Here is a site with links to some help that might be available where you are:
http://www.autismspeaks.org/community/r ... /index.php

This is basically me except.. I'm 18, I know when to bathe and I probably don't eat enough.

I really can't offer any advice though, except that you or someone else will have to bring this up with his family, and soon.

That could be a problem in the future. If his parents fall away he needs to be 'adopted' by family or ends up in a 'home'.

I do not know the facilities where you live, so I reason from the Dutch situation.
It could be a good thing for him to join a special group (youth group like) or something, to have some other environment and get some social skills. Another good thing would be for him to work during daytime. Here in NL most autistic people I have known or seen hold some small subsidized job. It gets people into a rhythm and they learn a bit about society. A day care group would also be an option.

Living at home constantly is for nobody an option!

Dear Octavia,
Yes I understand but that situation is so common as to be almost normal even among the non-autistic.

In the "old days" people were in the workforce by the age of 14 to 16 and probably married by the age of 18 to 20.

These days 25 year old "graduate students" living at home still have to ask Dad "Can I have $50 and the keys to the car so I can take a girl out?"
How degrading all around.

Jobs are hard to come by these days and rents are expensive. We have an entire generation of "grown up kids" who think that they are entitled to loaf around the house, do no work, and demand that their parents give them money and wash their clothes at an age when their grandparents had a house and three kids of their own.

Octavia he is far from being your responsibility. I would get on with your life.

We don't know his situation and most likely neither do you.

You being over the top. Nothing you have indicated suggests this, and with all the talk of criminality there has never been any evidence to back it up. In fact it more likely that were are mostly over cautious law abiding citizens in general.

General anxiety can make you feel like this. But you need to understand the lack of control you feel as a result cannot be solved by trying to control others, and I'm not just talking about him. It can only be solved by working on changing your behaviour and thought patterns. Likening it to a bomb exploding is what is known as an "extreme thought" and a dead give away. Fundamental beliefs and extreme thoughts are one of the first things you need to work on changing with anxiety.