Are you mean?

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would you say you embrace your abrasive behaviour, not caring as long as you've got it the way you like, or do you try and tone down a bit for other people/be a nice helpful citizen? if someone's willing to try and adjust for you, do you do the same?

i'm nice to strangers....but can be very mean if i get tired of someone. i feel so bad.

I used to be a lot meaner when I was younger and didn't care if I hurt someone who I didn't care for. I mean I wouldn't want to hurt a random stranger or someone I thought was "OK" but if some idiot guy came up and said something unintelligent and tried to pass it off as correct, I'd call him a moron to his face lol. Or flat out tell people that I don't like them.

Sometimes if I said that to someone they'd start to chuckle a little like I was teasing and I'd stare straight at them with a straight face and say "No. Seriously."

I don't really do that anymore because I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. Even if they are a jerk to me. I can't hurt anyone intentionally. I've become extremely soft and caring compared to the way I used to be. It kind of sucks sometimes. I was a lot tougher then. I've said it before: Life is a lot easier when you just don't care.

Are you mean? I think so.

Do you try and tone down a bit for other people/be a nice helpful citizen? I don't mind helping people but I am usually too shy to offer any help. Like if someone has their car stuck in the snow I will think about helping them but I will just keep walking. If someone asks me for help tho I have a hard time saying no. (unless they want money)


If someone's willing to try and adjust for you, do you do the same? Yes I think thats why I have friends. But when strangers talk to me (even classmates who I haven't talked to much before) I am very shy and they aren't used to talking to me so most of the time it ends up being seen as mean. I don't think being shy is much of an excuse, if what I do hurts people then I'm mean. Is having good intentions and feeling bad for hurting people good enough to not be considered mean ?

i think so. the problem is your the only one aware of it! XD. i feel like that a lot. i feel bad inside, really bad about a lot of things i do. but i either dont know how to approach to make it better, or im too scared to do so or lazy. i guess that sort of behavior maybe doesnt always make one mean, but rather....i dont know what the word is. lazy is one thing. X(. im a very lazy person. i think. i wish people could be easier to open up to.

I can be. And be quite good at it.
Tend to have to be in a certain emotional state to bring it out, though.

I'm a rug and let people walk all over me. Although, i am getting better at hanging up my rug with one particualr person who is starting to get on my last nerve.

I too am too shy to offer help unless they ask me and then i feel i can't say no. This one little girl fell hard this morning while i was taking the kids to school. It took everything i had to stop and ask if she was ok for fear the adults there might think i was rude for not even stopping. Well, i didn't jump to her rescue, i just stopped, turned and asked her if she was ok. I know most would have ran to her and helped her up. I once watched an old laady fall and *gasp* i didn't help her up or ask her nothing! I was a kid, but my friend did help her.

Unfortunately I'm a big softie. This wasn't always true, and one time I got mad at an old friend for no reason and shouted at him whenever he tried to talk to me. Eventually I realised my wrong-doing and apologised to him, but I feel like such a jerk for it now. These days I can't even say a nasty comment, but I could to someone in my family if they made me mad. But I can't hurt anybody even if I wanted to, and I definitely couldn't say a nasty comment to most people as I said above. These days I'm nice to people.

this is odd.
i thought people with aspergers were more in your face! and tended to say stuff and not care?
i'm not trying to be mean btw, im just saying what i heard to clarify.
i wish id asked everyone to say what gender they were, now. >:/

I thought so too. I do say things that are seen as unacceptable or seen as very cold and usually I don't care until I think about it later. That's why I try not to think about it. (have been failing miserably at that lately)

male

do you just let them come out freely, or try to suppress them for the benefit of the other person?

Am I a meanie?

Not intentionally but I get pretty mean with people who are mean to me.

Yes. I can be mean to people who rub me the wrong way. There have been times I have bluntly made it clear to people that I did not like them. There are some people who I can have very little patience with, and it is non-instinctual for me to extend any sort of energy in pretending to like them, as why would I want to encourage them to have further interactions with me?
If I am upset with someone, I can't pretend not to be.
I help run a venue, and we have a cast of regulars, and many of them tend to try to mooch...and I tend to dislike the moochers...They get in for free, then they try to drink for free, they have little to no social rapport with me, and I don't see why I should put up with them...and I can get mean.
I have a particular dislike of the regulars who think they can become moochers on virtue of being friends with other moochers...An example would be this one loutish guy who started regularly showing up with the entourage of this girl who is one of the head-moochers (..and who, after invading my comfort zone many times, knows well enough to leave me alone..I have gotten mean with her too)
I was never introduced to him, nor was I given any reason why I should have to endear myself to him..but out of the blue..there he is..trying to make small talk and crack bad jokes as if I had known him forever...and I would not stand for it. I made it so clear to him that I did not like him, that he does not dare come near the bar... ...and I am soooo glad that I do no have to interact with him...woohoo!

Um...howyousay...

There is another regular who possibly has an ASD, and he is forever imposing himself on us and crossing boundaries...He spent the night last night, and came into our bedroom at 8:30 a.m. in the morning where we were lying still....in the dark......ahem......and woke us up by asking us if we were sleeping....

Then he asked Flakey if he could help him move.

There is part of me that is aware that I should feel sorry for the guy...He alienates everyone around him in one way or another...and doesn't seem to understand how...
But he also repeatedly pisses me off to the point where my patience with him is gone.

I have a thread about him in the "social skills and making friends" forum..

Other times, i can be "not nice" to people because I have not gotten used to them...and interracting with them is stressful...so I can be very short...

Part of my "Routine" happens to be the people I am used to having around...so adding someone into the mix is a "change in the routine" for me...and it causes me distress...it is not that I don't like them...

If I am, I don't mean to be.

I am sorry for showing off how mean I can be,
I am not a naturally social person, and ironically, it is my job to be social...The frequent stress of that brings out the worst in me sometimes.

This, like everything else, is dependent on the particular individual. People with AS tend to be blunt by nature but they generally do not intend to offend, I think. But rather do it by accident because of not knowing that such a comment is considered rude. I do that all the time, actually.

Then again, because people with AS can often be detached from their emotions and/or the feelings of others, there are certainly some who don't care about hurting others like you said. I was one of them until a few years ago!!

You also have to consider that when you read articles about aspies being "rude and not caring".. this is from the perspective of the outsider who is just reporting our observable behavior. While we may be riddled with guilt about hurting someone by accident, we're not always the best at showing it.

Know what I mean? Lots of angles to consider.

i can relate to that....
i usually dont offend too bluntly. i tend to say something innapropriate though, or go into too much detail. XD