Lanark, Scotland

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Anybody live in or near Lanark, Scotland, where my beloved long-lost cousin lives?

I don't live there, but it sounds like an interesting place to visit. I hope that you get to meet your cousin, one of these days.

I read this thread last night, and I had a dream in which I was pointing out Lanark on a map.

I live in Scotland and according to Google Maps am 150 miles from Lanark.

It also tells me the travelling time is 3 hours 21 minutes. I don`t know anyone who lives there sorry Claradoon.

Thank you, CockneyRebel - I hope so too. It's just that pesky Atlantic Ocean in between!

And then the map came alive and you became a wizard with huge magic ruby under your pointy hat, and you looked into the ruby and saw me navigating the Atlantic in a leaky bucket, and you flung the magic ruby far across the sea where it encompassed my bucket and me and landed us instantly in the palm of your hand. "Welcome to Lanark," you quoth.

"How am I supposed to visit my beloved long-lost cousin from inside a ruby?" I quoth, seeing Lanark through ruby coloured facets.

"Tut-tut," you tutted, in the time-honoured fashion of wizards, "Your cousin must carry you through the braes and discover your seven talents. The first is refracting the light of the moon and the sun at the same instant, as one rises and the other sets, across the only perfectly flat terrain on earth. The resulting six dimensions are yours to conquer."

"But we had in mind tea and memories," I protested.

<your turn >

How odd, when you consider that travelling time from here, ocean included, is only 6 hours.

"Oh and alas, the only tea in the ghost-town of my brain is pennyroyal, and you'd be stuck 'til the back-end of October if you stayed to pick that. And what's memory when you're left alone in the moonlight? Choose your friends! Bless thee from whirlwinds, star-blasting and taking," I stammer, incoherently, "Tom's a-cold, and time is not on your side, no it ain't, for I'm really not a wiz of a wiz, and time takes its toll on me (it is traditional), so farewell, my Lady, for I cannot stay with thee!" and depart post-haste in a puff of pastry and pomegranate seeds.

i think i live the closest, around 70 miles, but i cant drive

I'm closer still, 38 miles from my home to the centre of Lanark.

As I too can't drive, although there is a direct road from Edinburgh, a trip there by public transport would most likely mean going via Glasgow.

I've never been to Lanark, but have seen it thanks to Google Street View. It looks like a typical example of an attractive, historic Scottish small town. If you were travelling there from Glasgow, the scenery approaching Lanark is wonderful too in the Clyde river valley.

I take the lead at 21 miles away, but like everyone else I must also chicken out for arbitrary reasons not worth listing here.

Scotland and its people aren't much better than... Well... Anything really. There's no need to be creative in describing their general low quality.

You'd be better off finding an interesting looking stranger near where you live and conning them into believing that they're your long lost cousin.