What's on your mind right now?

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^Haven't seen you in a while. Glad to see you back.

No more Self Loathing!

Why am I getting weaker overtime?

I'm not even 30 yet.
I exercise, I go easier, I'm not sickly or weak.
Yet... There's no progress for years.

Why do I feel this subtle gap between what I used to have from what I have now?
I can feel it. I felt it when I was 15, when I was 21, now when I'm 26.


I want a diagnosis.
But I doubt that's an option. Considering what the heck this house is doing and spending things over, along with all my frustrations against communicating about it.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I am tired of being tired so much of the time.

I don't get why even small changes to my life and to my routine stress me out so much. It's frustrating.

Feeling a bit down now... I went to this Japanese restaurant near my work place for the first time in nearly a year, partly due to covid but also because it's not the most budget friendly place around, and well... it could've gone better. I had planned that I'd try to order in Japanese for the sake of practice, but just like before when I've planned to do this, I had no guts to do it. There was another woman there too who seemed to be a friend of the only worker in the restaurant, so that made me freeze up even more and not want to order in Japanese since I'm easily embarrassed by mistakes when it comes to language. Ordering in restaurants always makes me a little anxious, save for fast food places that I can order from in autopilot due to being used to it enough, so I think that played a part in it too... to top it all off, the owner speaks poor Finnish (which is odd since she's been living here for years; I don't think she puts in proper effort) and when I asked to pay with cash, she didn't understand me and by then I was too flustered to even realize to switch to English, which the owner's friend thankfully realized and told her, in English, that I wanted to pay with cash.

But well, I did manage to pay, and went to wait at the table and tried to read the Japanese books in the restaurant while I waited (truthfully, those books are the main reason I like to go there lol.) I'd ordered the same food once or twice before, but it wasn't as good as I remembered... or maybe the mess with the ordering just left a sour taste in my mouth.

I'm seriously considering not going back until I can properly order in Japanese... not that this is the first time that I consider that. Anyway, next time I'm just going to one of those Asian buffets nearby. Cheaper, faster and I can eat as much as I want. Plus no pressure with the language.

Doing my best to keep my skin from drying out from this heat..

Excited over my packages.
It consists of graded glasses with photochromic lens and high fidelity earplugs.

Both I'd be trying out for the first time.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

The dog looks at me like I'm crazy whenever I have a vocal tic. lol

Hatred is growing in my soul.