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Aversion therapy, chemotherapy, Twix

Addicted to twix

Anxiety and fat

Chocolate, fat, sugar

Brain addicted

Wonder if it is possible to, train yourself to like or hate something or someone.


Because I hate "most people" and feel like the solar system is a torture chamber




No matter how many job skills I have, other applicant to the same job will have better personality

Take your dog to work day

Homophobia

..is it so much of a struggle for me not to insult?..is it so much of a struggle for me not to give into hatred?.

Being thankful but also thinking: what the f*** is up with my friend's driveway?

She needs it leveled out on parts that have one side too high or low.
It's a dirt/gravel driveway.

This place is good for my brain but bad for my head.

Nothing good to eat in my house

Have to go grocery shopping

And not eat it all immediately

Brain craving, mouth craving



Breasts feel large and heavy

The same thoughts I have had, every day for over ten years

Previous counselor, Jeanne , was by far, the best counselor, out of 37

But she wasn't as great as she acted like she was

Right up a list of "boundaries" for the next counselor to follow

But maybe no counselor will consent

And if they do consent and violate it the second session, insurance might not let me get a different counselor

The "boundaries" might be blocking their creativity

But seriously of those counselors were not as awesome,. As they acted like they were





And even though if they were perfect, then what?

"Actions speak louder than words"




f**k:

Mister redelings
Spoiled upper middle class brat and it's dad
Homophobics
Precious lil "people" that call me "n***a", act like they are perfect, say , "what" instead of ", excuse me,", ",pull up your pants", addicted to phone, drive recklessly, dog owners, ask questions that are none of your business, try to deal drugs from me, laugh at me, look me up and down, call themselves "most people", bark at me.


They have a self important, morally innocent attitude, like they have never done anything wrong before in their lives and "three meaning of life is helping people" (mister redelings)

Logical fallacy

Wrongful implications


When they think I did something "wrong", it's like , incie a riot









Then it turned out they were wrong, and they act like they were doing me a personal favor, by successfully refrain from exterminati my worthless corpse






f**k mister redelings, Amy Lee b***h, Jeanne courtney, Caroline Martinez, the head aikido instructor,

I guess the real reason I care about this is the thought of accepting it only to find out later that it's a "false positive" (although it can't actually be called that if it's an untested theory). I don't know... I just get the feeling this thing has been one big misunderstanding. Or maybe I'm not as self aware as I thought.

Trying to remain hopeful stupidtrons are strategically eliminated as well, likelihood of being re-employed goes up next year

I feel guilty when I eat things which are human or animal shaped like a chocolate rabbit or a chocolate Santa. I mean this seriously. Like, I know it isn't real but it's hard to eat something with a face.
And I am a hypocrite cos I know how most milk is acquired (they kill the baby boy calves, I bet that something as generic as Milky Bar does this) and I just ate a dead chicken. But somehow the pretend feels more real than the real.
For some reason I don't feel this way about Jelly Babies. Maybe because they're so small you don't really look into their faces.

My crush seems to be one of those too intelligent and interesting~ elitists who think commitment and compromising for Relationships are for losers so goodbye darling!

cathy lynn

i do not know what i want the "meaning" of "life" to be.

if you claim that you want the meaning of your life to be making yourself and others "happy", that's kind of vague.

who are the "others", and how are you making them "happy"?

for example, mister redelings had the nerve to tell me "the meaning of life is helping people!". be more specific. Mussolini was "helping" the Gestapo. everything helps someone. everything hurts someone.

everything makes someone happy. everything makes someone sad.

for example, if mister redelings were to have exterminated me, that would have made homophobic precious lil "people" , "happy". there are a lot of them. and just one of me.


it would then have been for the greater good . the needs of many outweigh the needs of one.



plenty of precious lil "people" act so morally innocent and self important. like they have never done anything wrong before and "the meaning of life is helping people!".

everything is "helping", neither, or "hurting". not all "helping" deserves a Purple Heart. not all "hurting" is a violation of Mandated Reporter.

the way some precious lil "people" make a big production. "is helping people important to you?" the previous counsselor asked me.

what the flying f**k?

the insurance paid her 75 bucks an hour to sit around flapping her trap at me. who was "helping" whom?

likewise, there are only five (or however many) emotions. "happy" is just one. happy is not morally superior to any other emotion.

Perhaps thinking back to when I watched a video mentioning how ~70% of Iran's population is under 30..how many ..is that?..to what city population would a population of solely that age demographic be comparable to?

In a major bout of extreme cyncism I once wrote how a country's population is only as meaningful as the presence of the age demographic which can date. Not the ~25-60 age labour force but the dating age bracket demographic...

..that's the bracket which can impact what it means to be family and shift entire ideologies..

..when I hear the 'immigrants taking away jobs' line.. ...my inferiority complex being triggered, being beside the point..I think to myself how as far as *labour investment* processes/schooling available to the anyone under the 'three decades' demographic..the internet has democratized what learning can mean..

...if you think about how much of the age demographic in a country famous for emigratting might be...you think to yourself, that the 'taking away our jobs' bit is used more and more by old ppl who are not seen as far surpassing entry level positions and whose unwittingly prejudicial attitudes is essentially 'picking on/hassling a bunch of kids'..who in turn wouldn't mind dropping some of their own parents ideological baggage (ex. not accepting non cisgender heterosexuality or non-religiosity).

..not that anyone really cares...stupid '[quasi-]parent like attitude from the bugrudgingly mutually respecting..

That being said it's not like there is going to be a 'boom' in building say boarding schools in light of education based tourism in well to do countries (thinking about Hamilton).

One reason for why I might always be a student at heart ..

I wonder who 'Jojo Siwa' is ?. I think Mila Kunis during the 'Lisa Frank product' commercials era.

Thanks guys im not really bothered to be honest, i kind of sensed that they are the type of person who would hurt me without feeling any kind of responsibility so it's all good. I still have fun talking to them as friends but nothing more than that will happen.