What's on your mind right now?

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Looking forward to Christmas.

Making sure I don't forget to buy a new set of bar soap but also a new cell phone.

I was looking at some Facebook profiles of people I used to go to school with. They're all in college, or in relationships (or engaged), or have a kid now. I got anxiety from it because we're the same age, but my brain won't even really register them as my peers now. They seem a lot more mature and more accomplished than I am.

^ I didn't mean to bump that. lmao

Don't do drugs

My property value went up after I had a fence and gate installed around my backyard. Now I can just let the dogs out and have them run around.

What book to read.

Taking suggestions from pretty much all Victoriana.

^ Porno by Irvine Welsh.

We need to help you channel your inner Begbie!

Having my life threatened today at work by an aggressive drunk.

Edit: I guess tonight or yesterday evening would be more accurate, it was durring the shift that just ended.

I was never built to be a product of capitalism. There isn't a job in the world that excites me and I refuse to monetise the only skills I have left that make me happy and keep me sane in this capitalist hellhole that we live in. After joining every job-search site existing and not finding anything, I spent three days and two mental breakdowns to finally write another LinkedIn job search post that I am looking for a job. Spent the past few days just asking everyone to give the post a like on LinkedIn as their algorithm isn't doing me any favors unless I were to post a success story or TEDx talk on there. I am so sick and exhausted that I still haven't found a job after so long.

It's also partially because I am picky, but everyone just offers me these soulless jobs with the most depressing mediocre stock photo websites that basically hire anyone. There are no rules to jobs and I am grateful that I have people helping me, but I have so many skills, knowledge, and experience that I don't feel selfish when I say that I deserve better than that.

I'm very aware that I am part of the problem, I would probably benefit of going to therapy, but the source of all my problems is basically that we live in a capitalist hellhole where I am forced to pay bills I cannot afford.

Maybe one of the reasons why I couldn't integrate many things I've read into real life was because most of those tips are in English and stays English in my head.

While in real life, it's not. Attempting to practice mid-way while communicating and thinking with my mother tongue would always turn out badly.
It's almost if not worse than task switching on high stress inducing switch from focus.

So if I would a practice of process... I would need to translate it. In which it happens that I'm not good at -- I'm already not all that good with English, I'm already worse with my mother tongue.


Perhaps...

My Filipino self relies on a lot of cultural stuff -- taking advantage of the cultures' collectivism and socialization, but is also embodying the worst of traits as well -- being too emotional, not being very punctual...
Yeah, I can do hardworking and adaptive but...
And as an autistic, there will be a balancing act issue.

But my non-tagalog self is something else... But I hadn't able to explore this side of me, even IF this part of me would, in theory, make my life easier.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I am fighting fatigue and exhaustion. I thought I did so well in the hurricane - and I did. But apparently that has depleted my reserves. My brain is muddy. Everything I do feels like I am pushing through molasses.

I was reading about people who have claimed that they're Jesus Christ, like that incredibly sick man who attacked that politician guy who believed he was for at least a year, and I thought how funny it was that a lot of these people have claimed it at around the same time since there can be only one. I wonder what would happen if you put these people all in the same room with each other. Would they all say they're the real Jesus and end up getting in a huge fight with each other, or what? That wouldn't be very Jesus-like, but they'd probably say it was a blood sacrifice or something.