Men's Discussion

Post Reply New Topic

I do Aikido, it really suits me. It's not very strenuous, and it's not very violent at all. It's all about using mind and body in harmony, rather than force.

You might make some male friends at such a thing, answering your second post.

Why the feeling of inadequacy to ask your current friends for support? I'm sure they would love to help if only for the pure satisfaction of being able to help their fellow man improve his situations with the girls (or whatever area you were talking about). That would usually give a man a good feeling to be able to help his friend out.

I'm undiagnosed and have only really known about AS since just before I joined this site. Before then I believed that I was just sh*t at everything social and tried my best to cover any 'weirdness' up, this has been the case to varying degrees from being young. This has become quite deeply ingrained within me so I find it very hard to ask these question that would appear stupid to friends, particularly friends I've been like this with for years. I don't have many new friends.

Nothing, as far as I know. But I'd get very cross if somebody tried to put me in a pink dress.

I don't really think much about masculinity. I tend to find men a bit ugly until I get used to them. I don't really admire my own maleness, the male stereotype seems even sillier than the female stereotype.

Okay, here's a fairly serious question:

For men in married/partnered relationships, are you the primary or the second income? I'm particularly interested in whether there is any trend towards more men becoming the second income in their families.

I would be the secondary income earner at present. Finding work is difficult. Even the temp agencies that have recently sent me out to work always select those of minorities in preference over me. In one of the temp agencies tests, it even said that "Protected classes, which are women, non-whites, and those over 40, are provided a wider margin of error so as to assure that we wont be accused of discrimination." But heck, if they're going to do that they're going to have to deal with me taking up space in their lobbies for longer than they can tolerate me.

Prim. Both work but I double it.

Oh, I do hope so!
My wife and I get almost the same money....she'd get a bit more than me if she worked 5 days, but she tends to do a bit less so that she's got time to study, so she ends up a bit worse off than I am. On the other hand, half of my earnings go straight into my early retirement fund, which will provide me with the equivalent of half my current salary when I finally escape the world of work forever in a year or two. So for all practical purposes my salary is much lower than hers, if you mean the amount that actually gets spent.

Also we are in many ways financially divorced.......pooling resources was just costing me way too much, so eventually I drew a line in the sand and went solo. So I'm not sure the "main breadwinner" label really applies to me.

I really don't like the whole male breadwinner thing. I prefer the communistic idea of a group (a couple in this case) redistributing their money so that everybody enjoys the same lifestyle. I don't feel any obligation to pay partners just because they're female, though obviously the communistic thing would make me want to share with them if they were truly poorer than I am. I hate jobs and it's pretty much all I can do to stick it, so the last thing I want is dependents making the situation worse - I'll do a hell of a lot for loved ones, but don't for god's sake ask me to work for an employer just to keep you in luxuries. It's also a myth that children cost lots of money to raise. I know people on the breadline who have raised fine kids.

What's actually wrong with wanting to be the "male breadwinner"? Is it so bad to wish to provide for one's wife and family?

Was someone claiming it is wrong? I think I just saw some personal preferences and experiences.

No, nobody was claiming it was wrong, however a preference opposing it may indicate that such might have a negative connotation to some.

Everything is negative to someone.

There's nothing universally wrong with it, as in it's fine for those who wish to go down that route. It's wrong for some people though, simply because that's not how they want to live their life. Could be for a number of reasons - the woman actually wants a career herself or they view it as inherently sexist for people to assume the man should automatically be the one working while the wife stays at home

I think most people these days opt for the more even way. As in both work and support their partnership/family together

I think it would be great if I could support a partner. I'd like the option.

What about the case where the wife wants to stay at home and be a mom rather than have to support a stay-at-home bum of a husband?

I can see where this conversation is heading already. You do know that the majority of households in America have both the man and the woman working, right? It isn't one or the other usually.

My wife is a stay-at-home mom and a full-time college student and I work my ass off to make sure I can afford this lifestyle as this is what she wants, but I do miss the two-income days.