Respecting the dead, stupid rule?

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Okay when someone dies, you are not allowed to say bad things about them, no matter how truthful is it. But yet we still talk bad about Hitler in school when we learn about world history. We still hear bad things about him in documentaries, same as when we watch shows on evil people who are now dead. Isn't that talking bad about them? We say how cold blooded they were, sociopath, etc.

But yet when a regular person dies, someone who isn't famous and evil but yet even if they did something wrong or something you thought was harmful to society, you still can't talk bad about them. So there was a man who used to go out in public dressed like an AB and apparently, it's a bad thing to say he gave ABs a bad name because of how he went out in public with his fetish and that is true because before he passed away, I used to see bad talk about him and they were saying how he is making us look bad because we are already misunderstood by society. What he did was harmless but apparently it's a bad thing for me to say lot of adult babies hated him because he made us all look bad by what he did in public. But it was the truth.

Heck if someone were to get raped by a person and then that person died like five years later, the victim isn't allowed to say how cold hearted he is and selfish and how he raped her? What about the victims families when someone murders their loved one? They are not allowed to talk bad about that person like saying he killed their uncle or brother or nephew?


This is all double standards. I think the whole point of this rule is has to do with they are no longer alive to defend themselves but they aren't around either in real life to defend themselves either. But yet when infamous people are evil and they pass away, we don't take all the books off the shelves about them and stop airing documentaries about them. Do infamous people not have that right because they did the worst thing in the world? So apparently killing people is worse than raping someone or killing one person so they still have that right? Even if someone was a jerk and a bully, you still can't talk bad about them, even if it was the truth. You can say what things they did to you because they are now dead and you are now being censored. So if my ex's were to die, I wouldn't be allowed to talk about them anymore saying how ignorant my last one was or how lazy my first one was and manipulative he played mind games no matter how truthful it was or my perspective of them.

That's why I don't take this rule seriously because of the double standards and I also think it's stupid.

I always think this too.
Just because they're dead doesn't make them less of an as*hole when they were living.

Unless they're a piece of garbage, there's like a three day grace period after the funeral.

Then go have some fun.

Scratch that, I nearly broke out laughing at the last funeral I went to.

I think the point might be to just let other people have their own memories. For example: My mother was far from perfect, and I have no problem talking about those imperfections if there is a good reason for doing so ... but there is really nothing to be gained by talking about her shortcomings that can no longer have any significant impact upon or meaning to anyone else anyway. But then see, even in saying all of that I have likely just left you with a wrong impression of my loving and nurturing mother. So, it is best to not speak evilly of the dead.

If the person was a good person who made a lot of people happy, I respect them. If the person was a monster who was nasty to people, I don't respect them.

If you were honorable , and lived a noble life full of virtue your memory should be remembered and passed down through stories with your friends and family. Although ,,, living a hateful life and being bitter from it, it's not something people want to remember. Why hold onto the bad and think about it ? I try and think of the positive things really .. maybe that's how other people see it.

I'm as respectful to the dead as I am to the living; I owe them nothing more.

There's a bit of a Pete Quaife reference in this post that I've posted earlier.

i tend not to speak ill of the dead, because they can't change their behaviour etc or defend themselves.. tell them while they're alive.

I won't be treating as*holes like they were simply misguided when they die, I'll be the bad guy for saying what a prick they were.

I've been reprimanded before for speaking the truth about a dead person. Here's another weird thing. If I was to say Ted Bundy was handsome, people get freaked out. It's just an impersonal observation, not a value judgment.

That's why I say it's a double standard. Are infamous people not protected by that right and as*holes, rapists, bullies, abusers, trolls, robbers, etc. are? I mean infamous people had families too and still do even though they are dead who loved them and still do so isn't it showing them disrespect when we keep talking about it, having books about it being sold in stores or having documentaries about it, youtube videos, making movies about it?

So if my ex were to die and I found out about it, I can no longer say why I broke up or what my relationship was like with that person or else I'd be disrespecting the dead because it be negative. Or if all your bullies died, you can no longer talk about being bullied anymore. It just sucks.

And it's possible this person I spoke of in one of my posts was a good person but he put me off because of how he went out in public with his fetish and I knew a guy who used to go out in public wearing a diaper only. It's not illegal but it does make people think wrong of the AB/DL community so why enable it? But apparently saying this one fella gave the community a bad name for going out like that was a bad thing. I didn't know him as a person, I only knew him for his action and then my friend decided to dig up my old post that was over a year ago. I don't know how long ago I posted it or if I was explaining to someone why lot of people trash talked him or if I was answering a question. I had no memory of it until he brought it up. I am sure he ran by it randomly and wasn't specifically looking for it. Since then I have been upset over it and the fact he is making it his problem and making it be all about him and I have been avoiding him ever since. Too scared to open his PM or listen to his voice mail because I am afraid I will get upset all over again and I don't need the stress. I can't deal with the drama. I guess I am a judgmental bad guy for my feelings and for explaining myself about that post and it upset me even more. Unfortunately he was my target for projection because I see it a lot at Babycenter by people and I have gotten it in the past (not from there) but here too and other places and I got so sick of it, I finally snapped and it happened to be at my friend because it was the last straw and he was the last person to do it. Then I get even more upset when he can't see my view because he keeps making it be all about him because of all the crap he has put up with from people and it just makes me angry when he keeps acting like I was talking about him when I wasn't. He is not an AB but he acted like I called him one and it pissed me off so I snapped in the message and cursed him out and calling him a brick wall and telling him to stop it and I just meltdown when someone doesn't listen and they keep thinking what they think. It's like talking to a robot and it puts me into a meltdown mode. Heck I would get annoyed too if people who liked being little girls jumped all over me too because I wasn't talking about them. I mean gee just get mad at society for not understanding the fetish but don't get mad at me for what I said. I know my friend has problems because he takes anything personally when you aren't talking about him but he seems to make things about him and his problem and well when people do that to me, I get pissed off. On forums, I just ignore them because I don't want to deal with any drama and argue with them about it unless I am pissed enough. Every now and then I snap. I was hoping my friend would understand but he didn't. But he said I don't understand. I wished I didn't read his PM but I did because I told him I would and then he told me it's all in caps because he was very angry and I told him I have a hard time reading things in caps but I'll still try and read it and I failed at that because when I opened it to read it, I had a hard time reading it and could only catch glimpse of it but luckily I knew what it was about because it was the same stuff he has talked about on the phone a lot. But hypocritically I typed in caps too and then I didn't at the end of my reply. I wanted to correct it but I didn't because I didn't want to type it all over again. Then I felt sad and blue for the rest of the day and it was hard taking care of my baby with that bothering me. So that is why I am avoiding him because I want to avoid this topic and don't want to hear about it if he keeps thinking what he thinks because I can't deal with the stress and the drama and I don't want to be upset all over again. I know I should be telling him all this but I am too scared to.

I don't think it's stupid...if you are connected enough with the spirits of the deceased,you will feel them all the time.When I do soul singing to a particular deceased person,I feel their energy and spirit and hug them,it's so beautiful.

I read some great answers. Basically I agree with you - there's merit to the idea, but in practice it's often quite stupid and uneven.

My grandmother was evil - I went to her funeral only to make sure she was dead. I didn't pretend to mourn her, and I was chastised for it. But I'm entitled to my feelings, and her death doesn't erase the horrible things she said over the years. I say if you don't want people to speak ill of you when you're dead, don't give them a reason to.

People are just sick. If someone was good and never evil to me, I will respect their dead. If my dad's cousin were to die, I am not going to respect her dead because I have nothing nice to say about her. She is very black and white judgmental ignorant and always thinks she is right. She is very quick to assume and won't let you correct her. She acts like she is psychic and can predict your life and what it's like. I hate those people.

And those who tell me or others to respect the dead, I better not be seeing them trash talking their bullies who are dead or anyone else who was mean to them or any serial killers or Hitler or I will call them out on their hypocrisy.

No one is going to arrest you for speaking ill of the dead, it's just a custom. You are free to break the custom, if prepared for a certain amount of social disapproval. It's unpleasant, but you'll easily survive.

Consider, though, that there may be some wisdom in the custom. Bad people can't do any more damage, so you don't need to defend yourself against them and can relax and take the long view. Over time you may get more information about them or your opinion of them may change. I hated my father at the time he died, but 30 years later I see him as a remarkably frightened and unhappy individual totally unprepared to be a father. I don't love him, but I no longer hate him. I disliked my maternal grandparents, but 20 years later I realize they gave me my most positive personal qualities, while my "cool" paternal grandparents gave me nothing that lasted, and I've had to adjust my liking accordingly.

I'm glad I kept my mouth shut at family funerals because I realize now I didn't have the full story.