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EzraS
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05 Jun 2019, 10:24 am

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.



SaveFerris
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05 Jun 2019, 10:36 am

Image


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Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


lostonearth35
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05 Jun 2019, 11:08 am

Did you hear about the man who killed himself by jumping into an open manhole?

He committed sewer-cide!



naturalplastic
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05 Jun 2019, 4:47 pm

How does a dyslexic commit suicide?


By throwing himself behind a train.



SaveFerris
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05 Jun 2019, 5:30 pm

Did you hear about the guy who drowned himself in beef fat?

He committed Suetcide


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Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


Mountain Goat
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05 Jun 2019, 6:18 pm

Hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

Sold his soul to Santa.


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naturalplastic
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05 Jun 2019, 6:22 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
Hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

Sold his soul to Santa.


Many non dyslexic parents do that! :D



1stSauce
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06 Jun 2019, 2:30 am

Why did Hitler commit suicide??
He couldn't afford the gas bill



IstominFan
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06 Jun 2019, 9:30 am

How did they know it would be an unusually cold winter in Greece?

The politicians had their hands in their own pockets.



Trogluddite
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08 Jun 2019, 11:57 pm

Image
Original here on Buttersafe comics


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When you are fighting an invisible monster, first throw a bucket of paint over it.


1stSauce
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09 Jun 2019, 1:11 pm

What's blind and screams???
Stevie Wonder answering the iron



IstominFan
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09 Jun 2019, 10:33 pm

Tennis player ailments:

Roger Federer-back injury
Rafael Nadal-knee tendinitis
Novak Djokovic-celiac disease
Nick Kyrgios-diarrhea of the mouth



Nydcat
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09 Jun 2019, 11:29 pm

What has four legs and an arm?

A pitbull in a children's park.



IstominFan
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11 Jun 2019, 10:42 am

Speaking of pitbulls, what's the difference between Michael Vick and a bucket of dog poop?

The bucket



IstominFan
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14 Jun 2019, 5:31 pm

Warning: sexual and ethnic content

A young Russian girl went to her doctor for a female examination. The doctor was horrified at her condition. "Have you ever had a check up there?

"Yes!" she said, "And a Pole, a Serb, a Croat, a Hungarian and even an Uzbek!"



Exuvian
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14 Jun 2019, 10:33 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
Did you hear about the guy who drowned himself in beef fat?

He committed Suetcide

Similar to the guy who fed himself to the pigs and committed sooie-cide.