Make an extremely dark joke.

Post Reply New Topic

That makes 3 of us. I had no idea, I thought it was just a lame kids' joke.

Not really a joke, but a comic strip, Dennis the Menace:

Dennis is taken by his mom to see the doctor. The doctor asks what the problem is. He said, 'I don't know. Must be something I ate and (pointing to his mom), "SHE MADE ME EAT IT!"

Shortly after Rolf Harris got released from prison, he moved to South Korea and changed his name to So-dig Young Poon

An old Olympic report asked what deep dark secret track star Stella Walsh was trying to hide.

Well, now we know she was actually Stanley Walsh. (Yes, she turned out to be a he. Stella Walsh was a track star of the 1930s).

There once was an older couple who didn't get along well at all. The husband had a fiery temper and he and his wife would scream and yell at each other every night. The husband was always telling her that when he died he was going to dig his way up out of his grave and come after her. The neighbors were very frightened of him, and he loved the power and manipulation he had over them.

One day the old man finally did die. After his funeral the neighbors went to see his wife and were shocked by how calm she was. She even seemed happy for once. They asked her, "Aren't you afraid now that your husband is dead and buried? Aren't you terrified that he's going to spring back from the dead, dig his way back up out of his grave and come after you?"
"Not at all." the wife told them, "I had the evil old coot buried face-down!"

Last edited by lostonearth35 on 26 Jun 2019, 5:17 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

Donald Trump is visiting a elementary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Mr Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy." So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy." "No," says Mr Trump, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains the exalted businessman. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Mr Trump searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If a private jet carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic!" exclaims Mr Trump, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

^

AuntBlabby showed me it. I'm glad you liked it too.

Luv it!!
while on the subject....



Trump is an inspiration to a new generation of kids.
Kids used to be told ‘Believe in yourself, you can be anything when you grow up, you could be President’. The kids and the parents both knew that there was no chance of it actually happening.
Now, it’s a genuine possibility.



Trump's nothing like Hitler… there's no way he could write a book.



You can actually make your own Trump policies by going through the incinerator at the Daily Mail and picking through the dust for anything they thought might get them prosecuted.



Following endless negotiations with North and South Korea, Trump said that East and West Korea must be very peaceful as he never hears about them.



Say what you like about Trump, but he is doing more than anyone else in the world to get the US president impeached.


Trump is like a top shelf vodka...
Expensive, transparent, and wouldn't be here if not for Russia.


How is Trump's presidency like climate change?
Every day it gets worse and republicans try to deny it.


Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts 'Mickey Mouse!'
This startles the would-be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, 'What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?'
Blushing, the agent replies, 'I got nervous. I meant to shout 'Donald, duck!'

The one about East and West Korea and the last one "Donald Duck!" Made me laugh so hard!

A man was very ill and laying on his deathbed while his wife sat next to him, grieving and doing what she could to make his last few hours comfortable. The husband then used what little strength he had left to say to her, "My dear beloved wife, there's something I've been keeping a secret from you, and I have to tell you before I die."
His wife said gently, "No, save your strength, you don't have to tell me anything, it's okay."
The husband said, "It's not okay. If I'm to leave this world in peace, I must tell you about the horrible deed I committed. My love, I... I've been having an affair with your sister... I'm very sorry I did such a terrible thing. Please forgive me."

His wife said softly, "It's all right, my dear. In fact, I already knew what you did. Which is why I poisoned you."

My grandfather said I’m too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

How dare you call me a psycho?! I'm gonna chop your head off and turn your skull into an ashtray for that!

You know, I've never really met any insane anti-vaxxers offline. Seems only a few express their beliefs in such a ridiculous way online while most other anti-vaxxers are really secretive and low-key.

Either that, or they're too busy tending to their children's funerals.

I found a picture on peopleofwalmart.com that had a changing table with a "place sacrifice here" and a "hail satan" written on it. I guess that's a gothic persons different way of saying "should have worn a condom".