Why do i always make the same mistake?

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When it comes to me and my brother i always say to myself "If he tries and annoys me i am not going to fight him" yet only 10 minutes ago my brother started annoying me and we started play fighting and before i knew it the fight turned more violent but luckily we stopped before it got wrose.



I am 21 and my brother is nearly 19.


Why do i keep turning violent all the time? Are there any methods i can use to stop doing this?

What do you mean by "methods"?

I can't answer that. I've never really been a violent person.

Change is hard.

methods to control myself from losing my temper.

i am not really violent

When he starts annoying you or starting a play fight, get up and walk away.
You don't need to say anything; just walk away.

I don't think there's a magic switch to control this stuff - you have to learn to not let him push your buttons.

Even in play fights there are some cues to look out for that you may have difficulty understanding...
the best thing to remember would be to look at his face, there's a difference between having fun and pain. If you can see on him that it hurts, it's time to stop.

there's no magic switch for it, it depends on your ability to observe over time, the time depending on how good you are on picking up his cues.

Going by Jamesy's earlier posts his brother is something of a thug and a bully, so I suspect any initiation of play-fighting by him is done with the ultimate aim of bullying Jamesy.

its not always easy to remember methods when you lose your temper in the heat of the moment.

So if he talks nicely or ordinarily, talk back.
But if he tries to needle you by saying nasty things - don't respond, just walk away.
Resist the temptation to bite back because it will only escalate and you'll lose your temper. That's what he wants to happen.

You're in control here - what's he going to do when the target of his aggression isn't there?

Make it you're own game to ignore him if he upsetting you be ready for him to try harder but think of it as a game to be more relaxed than he can. I will annoy him and not you.

In some guys, play fighting is a means of control and dominence, not just a game, but really a means to dominate you.

I see this among brothers alot. I also see this with men and women who are dating or married. They guy with play fight with the woman and she almost always loses and that sends a message to her that he is stronger. Most guys I have seen play fight to point of "getting carried away" with their partner are physically abusive at some point in the relationship. I am bringing this up because I think the same may be true with brothers too.
I dont see this type of play fighting as a game, but a form of abuse.

So what do you do? You just walk away. Dont engage in the play fighting at all because to him it is about power and dominence not just a little boyish game of rough and tumble.

When guys play fight just for fun, it never ends in violence...if one gets the least bit hurt, they stop playing and ask if they are ok. In that atmosphere, play fighting is just a boyish game to hone manly skills...it never escelates to violence like a power struggle will.