Things we love about Texas

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1) Gratuitous executions

2) The only state where a Mofo, a tough Grandma, and an eccentric singer/novelist can run against each other for governor

3) 2-day-long hurricane evacuations where, if you cross your fingers, a fuel truck will stop along the road

4) The ability to morph into five states

5) Thousands of farm-to-market roads that don't go to farms or markets

6) The state bird is the construction crane

7) Massive domed stadiums that stay vacant for 10 years

Towns with 100,000 people where the topic of the day is still the tornado of '79

9) Term paper plagiarists

10) The state tree is the oil well

11) Sharing a post office with another state

12) The Dixie Chicks--NOT!

Reba MacIntire.

No state income tax.

Roads better than most states.

Bad guys get executed.

On average nice weather.

Low cost of living.

People nice and easy going.

Be careful when you go to Texas at first, until you learn that if you see someone wallking towards you they might SHOOT you, if you see something crawling on the ground it will BITE you, if you see something flying in the air it will STING you, if you see someting growing in the ground it will STICK you.

*It's one of the few places where the sidewalk will melt your shoes.

Throwing a beer bottle out will start a grass fire.

A grass fire can burn 10,000 acres and nobody knows about it but the birds.

*Dried 'possums are often mistaken for manhole covers.

*There is still a bounty on coyotes, but it's a secret only known to ranchers.

*If you have a picnic, instead of just bringing enough for the ants, you need to bring enough for the coyotes, too

*If it rains you will understand why they have those enormous bridges over those little, tiny creeks.

The toads don't really need saddles, because riding bareback is easy with all those warts.

*Tacos can be made from anything slightly moist.

*If you see something that vaguely resembles a green lawn, it's understood that you don't step on it.

*You will see people embarrassed to eat a taco in public.

If you see a small bear, it's probably just a 'possum that has never had any reason to cross the road.

*You never have to give up on a hat just because it has a few holes in it, or a car either.

*Camo duct tape is available as an impulse item in most stores.

*If you live there, you know what a pachanga is.

*People cook eggs on their car hoods to prove they can.

*You can get chili served on anything at any time, day or night, even on your car hood eggs.

*If you run into a pig in the wild, you should be careful, it might be as hungry as it looks. Same with dogs.

*If you need a dog, don't worry, nice people from the city will drop one off for you.

*You don't really need a good reason to have a cook-off.

*Many people have cannons in their front yard, instead of "Welcome" mats on their step.

*You might see a classic Lincoln in a demolition derby.

Steers and pickup trucks sometimes have nuts.

*When the Pittsburg Steelers come to town, they are in mortal danger from every true Texan and his grandmother.

*Several years after a Hi School footbal game, 70 year old men will still get into a fistfight over the outcome of a single play.

You often see a $40,000 pickup truck parked in front of an $5,000 house.

*Most dogs barely understand English.

*Chickens will gang up to kill and eat rattlesnakes, if they find them.

*More people fly the Lone Star State Flag, than the Stars and Stripes Flag.

Sometimes people find an old pickup when they mow there grass.

*Many people mow their grass with attachments which fit on their tractors.

*Texans get into arguments over who has the best tractor.

*Texans take shots at each other and they're still friends the next day.

If you live there, you're starting to laugh, because you know I'm not exaggerating ... much.

Last edited by DirtDawg on 31 Aug 2006, 12:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I'm having fun with this. Some of those I've heard before but the rest I made up for this thread.

I've left out a few, too.

Like if you don't have a lot of brothers and sisters, you better know for sure who your girlfriend's dad is or she might be be your half sister. That's assuming, of course, that you know who your dad is.

That's as far as I'm going down that path.

Just so no one gets mad at me, I'm Texas born and raised, and most of my comments are merely observations.

Last edited by DirtDawg on 31 Aug 2006, 11:03 am, edited 2 times in total.

- Naturally beautiful women

that must be nice. texas is overrated in my opinion, everyone makes a big deal about it because its so big. also a bit of information here, texas is not apart of the southwest, but is apart of the south.

I think they say the West begins in FortWorth. I live in the East an its nothing like
the southwest.

Yeah were like ganster rap stars we have to keep are rep up. We are doing a good
job if people think were over-rated

despite what some say, the west really begins at st. louis,

If only half of that's true, I just have to go to Texas before I die.

*There's a difference between "y'all" and "all y'all".

*Many Texans have cousins they've never met.

*You're in for a big surprise if you underestimate a full grown Texas woman.

Many of the dogs in Texas can drink more beer than you can.

Recreational, edible hallucinogenic flora grow right out of cow pies.

*Goats can quickly turn from pets to barbeque.

*Alligators in East Texas are a myth, until you hit one with your car and it walks away, a little stunned.

*You never have your camera with you when this stuff happens.

Last edited by DirtDawg on 31 Aug 2006, 1:22 pm, edited 2 times in total.

>>Be careful when you go to Texas at first, until you learn that if you see someone wallking towards you they might SHOOT you, if you see something crawling on the ground it will BITE you, if you see something flying in the air it will STING you, if you see someting growing in the ground it will STICK you.

Yeah in my backyard I have: Fire Ants, Misquetos, fleas, wasp(fruit trees)

>>It's one of the few places where the sidewalk will melt your shoes.
Yeah summers are hot.

>
>>Throwing a beer bottle out will start a grass fire.

Yeah we are under a burn ban

>>Dried 'possums are often mistaken for manhole covers.
I went to feed my outside cats a few days ago to see a possum eating cat food!

>>If it rains you will understand why they have those enormous bridges over those little, tiny creeks.

Yeah flash floods appear out of no where. I had to drive a great distance out of
the way to get to Waco when a bridge was under water.



>>If you see a small bear, it's probably just a 'possum that has never had any reason to cross the road.

In town in the last month I have saw with in 10 feet of me: shunks, possum,
armadillo

>>Camo duct tape is available as an impulse item in most stores.

Hell I fixed a leaking sink gas trap with a hundred layers of duct tape.

>>you can get chili served on anything at any time, day or night, even on your car hood eggs.

Oh yeah chile rocks, its not that weak Hormel crap either. Wolf brand or homemade!

>>If you need a dog, don't worry, nice people from the city will drop one off for you.

Sadily thats true.

>>You might see a classic Lincoln in a demolition derby.
mud racing stock cars more common today

>>Steers and pickup trucks sometimes have nuts.
Yeah the truck ones are usually aluminium

>>When the Pittsburg Steelers come to town, they are in mortal danger from every true Texan and his grandmother.

Thats like wearing a KKK sheet at a black panther party

>>Several years after a Hi School footbal game, 70 year old men will still get into a fistfight over the outcome of a single play.

Yeah high school football is very big here. They say if a UFO flies by on a friday
night somebody will get it on a video camrea.

>>You often see a $40,000 pickup truck parked in front of an $5,000 house.
Oh yeah!! !

>>Most dogs barely understand English.
My hood has a very high percentage of Mexicans

>>More people fly the Lone Star State Flag, than the Stars and Stripes Flag.
Yeah but after 911 American flags are all I have seen.,

>>Sometimes people find an old pickup when they mow there grass.
I sold two old trucks in my yard in the last year.

>>Many people mow their grass with attachments which fit on their tractors.

>>Texans get into arguments over who has the best tractor.

Oh yeah I repaired tractors for years. We have a chain store known as tractor supply in Texas (maybe other places too). I think the country singer George
Straight own stock in it.

Poor taste does not stop a product from becoming popular.



I wasn't kidding!

They issue the death penalty there in Texas.

My wife's Yankee shoes melted at my dad's funeral.


In the late '70s I destroyed a black '66 suicide door Lincon Continental at a derby in the infield between mud race heats.



I'm really glad to hear this.

Just for you, I went back and put an asterisk next to the ones I listed that I have first hand knowlege of. Whether those things are common or not someone else will have to chime in. That's the Texas I left to go to Nashville, TN with big music business ambitions in '86.

Last edited by DirtDawg on 31 Aug 2006, 12:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.