Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 

Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,000
Location: Near London United Kingdom

11 Aug 2011, 11:26 am

I notice that when my mother works from home my brother behaves worse towards me than usual and tries too provoke me. Even when my brother throws the first punch my mother will always try and find reasons why its my fault. Even when i try and explain reasons why my brother might be the cause of some trouble my mum just blanks it out and just does not want too hear it.

My father although quite often he will gang up on me as well if my behaivour is bad BUT he is a bit more fair than my mother is . in the past my dad and brother have been at war with each other and have not gotten along. Recently though my dad has sided with my brother more than he used too becuase my behaviour has gotten worse. My dad has taken a bit of a dislike towards me in the last 3 years and its probably because i am not a teenager anymore. 4 years ago my father loved me a lot and i could do no wrong in his world. Not so nowadays.

since i am on the spectrum my mother had too put all her enery into helping me as a child kind of pushing my brother too the corner so i guess i can see

Here is the pattern i notice actually

Me, my mum and my brother in the house: My brother is in my personal space more and acts more agressive and even violent towards me. in fact almost every time my mum takes a day off work he behaves like an animal.

me and my brother in the house: Can annoy me still but does now when too keep his distance more. can get into arguments and fights though when its just us 2 in the house.

me, my brother and dad in the house: Generally does not misbheave towards me and keeps his distance.

me, my brother, mum and dad in the house: like all families we do argue sometimes but again my brother keeps his distance but we can come into conflict/fight when both my parents are in the house.



why do you think my mother always look for reasons why iam in the wrong over my brother? do you think my brother delibaretly tries too get me into trouble by antagonising me when my mum takes a day off work now and agian? because of my conditon i have made my parents lives very difficult at times so i don't blame them in that respect. i think my brother as well might confuse my repetitive behaviour with bullying my mother. Possibly he's afraid on days when my mum works from house that i might start trouble with my mother thats why he gets more agressive?



bradt4evr
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 14 May 2011
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Posts: 444
Location: Pennsylvania

11 Aug 2011, 11:52 am

it really doesnt sound like you did anything wrong, well, when i was 12 or so i had a friend who has aspergers syndrome, and ive noticed tha whenever he was over at my house, he was really nice and polite, but as soon as his parents would come to pick him up he would act like a rotten spoiled brat to the point where its almost ridiculous, and his parents didnt even act like its a problem, i mean if i were to act the way he did i wouldve been spanked a few times, but his parents wouldnt do anything, theyd act as if its a joke. it sounds like your brother does it because he knows he can get away with it, see, the thing was my friends parents would let my friend get away with doing that stuff, because they figured since he has AS he wont be able to act any different since thats the way he is naturally and theres no point in scolding him for it, but the truth is AS people are just as capable of acting like young adults just as much as NTs, we just need to be taught how to and we need people to let us know when were acting up. when your brother was little did your parents ever punish him in any way for acting as you describe? im not trying to judge your parent,s it sounds like their really nice people who mean well :) ,


_________________
It is not gods dream that carries out our duties, it is our duties that carry out gods dream


MakaylaTheAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2011
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Posts: 14,853
Location: O'er the land of the so-called free and the home of the self-proclaimed brave. (Oregon)

11 Aug 2011, 12:00 pm

I can relate all too well to that. My mom finally realized what a brat my sister was, and took charge whenever she got into one of her phases.


_________________
When in doubt, ask someone with ASD. Chances are, they're obsessed with what you need to know. :roll:


Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,000
Location: Near London United Kingdom

11 Aug 2011, 12:14 pm

Well 9 years ago my nannie at the time left because of my brothers behaviour. In fact she hated my brothers guts and described him as "unruely" and he would often answer back too her.

According too my father the nannie critisized my mum for not "disciplining" my brother who was 10 years old at the time. She also wrote in the note encouraging my parent too work shorter hours since they worked full time long hours jobs 5 days a week. she wanted my mohter too basically stay at home and look after me and my brother.

my mother told me that my father has always been the same about the importance of his job (he's an accountant) since the day they married in 1985.


So what does that tell you then?



Ilka
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 May 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,365
Location: Panama City, Republic of Panama

11 Aug 2011, 2:20 pm

Jamesy wrote:
why do you think my mother always look for reasons why iam in the wrong over my brother? do you think my brother delibaretly tries too get me into trouble by antagonising me when my mum takes a day off work now and agian? because of my conditon i have made my parents lives very difficult at times so i don't blame them in that respect. i think my brother as well might confuse my repetitive behaviour with bullying my mother. Possibly he's afraid on days when my mum works from house that i might start trouble with my mother thats why he gets more agressive?


I know it hurts, but sometimes mothers have favorites. They will not accept it in front of other people. They will always say they love all their kids the same, but that's bull. In my house, my favorite was my older brother. Still is. In my husband's family the favorite was his sister. I did never had serious problems with my brothers, but my husband did. His sister always abused him because she knew she was the favorite and it did not matter what she did his brother was always going to be the one punished. Until he decided enough was enough. He took revenge over her sister. Not that I am telling you to do the same, because it's dangerous. But he took a letter opener and chased her around the house to stab her with it. He was not able to get her, but she understood he was serious about it. When his mother tried to punish him for it, he stood in front of her, and told her (his mother) that she could do whatever she wanted, but that if his sister tried to take advantage of him again, he was going to kill her. His mother tried to hit him, he stopped the punch and his mother got hurt. His father did not interfere. His sister never tried to abuse him again.