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Fnord
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24 Oct 2011, 2:46 pm

Why does it seem that when one person out of a group breaks free from the social confines of that group and becomes successful, the remaining members of the group accuse the successful one of cheating, sucking up, sleeping their way up, or being a traitor or just plain lucky?

Why can't those others see the effort and determination of their friend to make something of themselves, and simply emulate the behavior and become successful for themselves?


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Moog
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24 Oct 2011, 2:48 pm

Fnord wrote:
Why does it seem that when one person out of a group breaks free from the social confines of that group and becomes successful, the remaining members of the group accuse the successful one of cheating, sucking up, sleeping their way up, or being a traitor or just plain lucky?

Why can't those others see the effort and determination of their friend to make something of themselves, and simply emulate the behavior and become successful for themselves?


The former is much easier.


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Fnord
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24 Oct 2011, 2:54 pm

Moog wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Why does it seem that when one person out of a group breaks free from the social confines of that group and becomes successful, the remaining members of the group accuse the successful one of cheating, sucking up, sleeping their way up, or being a traitor or just plain lucky?

Why can't those others see the effort and determination of their friend to make something of themselves, and simply emulate the behavior and become successful for themselves?
The former is much easier.

Are you implying that your opinion is that people of the former group are lazier than those of the latter group?


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OneStepBeyond
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24 Oct 2011, 2:59 pm

something happened fnord?



Moog
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24 Oct 2011, 3:02 pm

Fnord wrote:
Moog wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Why does it seem that when one person out of a group breaks free from the social confines of that group and becomes successful, the remaining members of the group accuse the successful one of cheating, sucking up, sleeping their way up, or being a traitor or just plain lucky?

Why can't those others see the effort and determination of their friend to make something of themselves, and simply emulate the behavior and become successful for themselves?
The former is much easier.

Are you implying that your opinion is that people of the former group are lazier than those of the latter group?


Maybe. Maybe it's other obstacles. Laziness is only one of many dismotivating factors.


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Ann2011
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24 Oct 2011, 3:12 pm

The people in the group sound jealous. Perhaps they don't want to credit you with your achievements because they feel insecure in their own ability.



OneStepBeyond
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24 Oct 2011, 3:44 pm

there's a song about this!



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24 Oct 2011, 4:12 pm

"You used to be cool maaan. You changed maaan."

The green eyed monster is probably to blame


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Soliloquist
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24 Oct 2011, 5:57 pm

To acknowledge someone's success, you have to be willing to see your own failure.
But, if you can assign someone's success to a negative attribute, you will thereby
justify your own failure to reach the same heights.



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24 Oct 2011, 8:01 pm

I know the green eyed monster all too well.


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auntblabby
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25 Oct 2011, 8:48 am

things in nature tend to take the path of least resistance. the ones who outperform this are the outliers.



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25 Oct 2011, 8:50 am

I hope things are going better for you, today. I was thinking about you all evening.


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Fnord
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25 Oct 2011, 9:34 am

Soliloquist wrote:
To acknowledge someone's success, you have to be willing to see your own failure. But, if you can assign someone's success to a negative attribute, you will thereby justify your own failure to reach the same heights.

This makes sense.

There is also an activity called "Lobster-Potting". It comes from the observed actions of lobsters in a large tub (or pot). If one of them finds a claw-hold, and tries to lift itself up and out, the others will grab on to it and drag it back down. It's a metaphor for the way some groups seem to hold back anyone who tries to break from the group and make something of themselves.

Some people even get beat up by their peers over having a little more ambition than the peer group.


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Moog
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25 Oct 2011, 10:10 am

Fnord wrote:
Soliloquist wrote:
To acknowledge someone's success, you have to be willing to see your own failure. But, if you can assign someone's success to a negative attribute, you will thereby justify your own failure to reach the same heights.

This makes sense.

There is also an activity called "Lobster-Potting". It comes from the observed actions of lobsters in a large tub (or pot). If one of them finds a claw-hold, and tries to lift itself up and out, the others will grab on to it and drag it back down. It's a metaphor for the way some groups seem to hold back anyone who tries to break from the group and make something of themselves.

Some people even get beat up by their peers over having a little more ambition than the peer group.


I've heard that called 'crab mentality'

I was thinking of this earlier, a particularly gifted person I know is having problems, basically because they have ability, and others are jealous.

Another expression that comes to mind is 'the long poppy gets cut down'


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Grisha
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25 Oct 2011, 10:18 am

Soliloquist wrote:
To acknowledge someone's success, you have to be willing to see your own failure.
But, if you can assign someone's success to a negative attribute, you will thereby
justify your own failure to reach the same heights.


This. Exactly this.

I observe the same tendency in myself, I think it's human nature - you just need to recognize it for what it is and keep thumping it on the head whenever it pops up. This also helps you to be more sympathetic when you are the one who is successful.

Having said that, I've lost friends by becoming "too successful" - I actually wish they were here with me...



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25 Oct 2011, 10:41 am

I pretty much agree with what everyone has said and I hate when this happens. :roll: It's ridiculous.


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