what colorful phrases do you use, and which are your faves?

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when one is surprised, one often says something in response which shows just how surprised one is at a sudden turn of events, expecially if one is told one is mistaken about something, something along the lines of, "well, i'll be a monkey's uncle!" or "well! spank my ass and call me charlie!" or "well shut my mouth and call me a dummie!" or something like that- the late comic phil harris had two such phrases i love-

*"well, butter my buns and call me a biscuit!"
*"well, strip my gears and call me shiftless!"

anybody out there in WP land have any other examples of such colorful speech they'd care to share with me?
thanx in advance

I'm not sure I really use any regularly, but I have been known to tell people "You can candy coat a turd, but in the end it's still a piece of s**t."

"If you see this jet a rocking, don't come a knocking Baby, yeah!"

i've been known to wail, "things are just peaches and scream!" when i'm stressed.

Slap the s**t out of everything

Nothing ventured, nothing gained

Thunderclap in a clear sky

Pen and sword in accord