No Pun in 10 Did

Post Reply New Topic

Just to make you smile!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was "a salted".

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt Under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc say. "Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at, either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen; Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him....... a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who posted twenty different puns to her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.

My favorite:

A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

LOL!! !
Thankyou!

If those are original, you should try stand-up.

well thank you celeste

Would you believe I thought my vocational teacher made that up?

However, he was actually talking about a man in a store when he made it up.

"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and
quoted."
- Fred Allen

to all of them.

Especially the Ghandi pun.

All that reminded me of a story I once read in a not-so-well-known biological anthropology magazine (I'm not so sure I remember the magazine's name myself... but I digress).

It concerned a new species of bird found only in the Appalachians. This particular bird is known for its call, which sounds like a high-pitched "Shaloo shaloo!"

Another one of its quirks can be observed when it flaps its wings very rapidly, making a sound like someone saying "flit" rapidly through a vocoder. Often times, this will cause the bird to look like an odd looking derby hat.

Needless to say, the authorities have asked visiting tourists not to get too close to these birds, as earlier visitors took an old adage to heart when seeing these birds.

The adage goes, and I quote:

"If the Shaloo flits, wear it"

_________________
Garlic is always there to help you in matters of the heart (pun intended), no matter what.

"It's a well known fact that computing devices such as the abacus were invented thousands of years ago. But it's not well known that the first use of a common computer protocol occured in the Old Testament. This, of course, was when Moses aborted the Egyptians' process with a control-sea..."
- Tom Galloway

thats great i love it thanks for the laugh