Do you think i get what i deserved?

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for 2 years now i have been unemployed and doing no work at all and basically living with my parents. i have not even attempted too look for a job because i am too afraid of going into the working because i might find things very hard.

some members of my family are too say the least are not very happy with me.

do you think i get what i deserve? i have been feeling very guilty about my behaviour today inparticular that is why i started this thread.

whats worse is that i am reclusive and have not left the house at all in the last 2 years (except on teh weekends when is see my friends) although i do go out in the garden a lot.

Well I wouldn't say you're getting what you deserve but I do understand why your parents aren't happy with you. As for being scared to work you're just going to have to work, sooner or later, can't live with your parents forever and you can't learn to cope with the world if you don't take the necessary steps forward. You need to think about your life, put down the things you need to do and go do them, regardless of how scared you are.

I agree with Dan. I don't think you deserve that, Jamesy. I know how hard it can be. I got my first job only when I was 22 (3 years ago). My mother never really complained about that, but the other family members did (even if not "directly"). There's this sort of pressure for young adults to get a job and all that.

I was afraid too, when I thought I'd have difficulties in a job, especially in relation to deal with people. But it's not that hard when you're there. Sometimes it really is difficult in some aspects, but it's something we can face, I assure you. Depending on what you'll do, of course, it may be easier than you imagine.

kobi galon do you think i should be concerned that i don't really leave the house on the weekdays but only go out on the weekends. so basically i only leave teh house once or twice a week.

If I stayed home, I wouldn't leave on the weekdays either. That happened when I was on vacations (the days I wasn't traveling). I don't think you should be concerned about not leaving the house on weekdays.

The "problem" is the job, because people usually think that you have to get a job in order to have your own money, etc. And that's the good part of having a job indeed. Also, it's important for your life and future, just like Dan said.

Are you studying now? Or have you just finished?

i finished studying 2 years ago.

recently last october my uncle was not happy with me and said too me "i think your playing your parents for a fool" and "you manipulate them and play them against each other"

do you think my uncle makes a good point? or perhaps he is using me as a scapegoat

I don't know the whole situation there, but I don't think your uncle made a good point. That's not what happens with you. You're not playing your parents for fool. Probably your uncle was angry with something else and said it to you, but he's not right.


If someone say something like that again, it would be good if you could talk to them and explain that this is not the case. Tell them that the problem is that it's hard for you to be in a job, but that you can try (or something similar). But just don't believe this that your uncle said. They are your parents, your family, and it's not wrong to be living with them. I still live with my mother, and I'm 25.


Above all, I suggest you take a "first step" and start looking for a job. This is something you'll have to face, for your own good. As I told you, I understand you because it happened to me too. I had to face it one day, and I did. When you're already there, you'll realise that it's not as scaring as you think.

what does my uncel mean though by "play them for a fool" and "playing them against each other"

[Edited for clarity - F]

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Jamesy, I'll be honest with you; not to be mean, but to just give you my opinion.

I think that people who can get jobs, and who let their fears of how hard the work may be keep them from looking from work, do not deserve any praise for their lack of effort.

However, if your anxiety has crossed the line into paralyzing phobia, then maybe you would benefit with a little professional counseling. I am not saying that people with phobias are "crazy", but that professional counseling may help them overcome their phobias and enable them to lead more productive lives.

Anyway, that's my opinion, and you're welcome to ignore it, if that's what suits you.

i think this is excellent advice. start with part-time if you are worried it will be hard. if you're not bringing in disability income then your parents are paying you to go out with your friends on the weekend. you need a source of income and a job sounds like a good start. if you end up trying jobs and it doesn't work out, then you can make some decisions at that point about whether you should get a job. it doesn't make sense to give up before you try.

have you ever worked at a job?

i think that sometimes you have posted stories that sound like you do play family members against each other. maybe getting a job will keep you occupied so that you don't need to do that anymore.

I've lived with my mother my whole life and only worked about 6 weeks total in my life and even then it was part time. I go out even less than you. I haven't left my house at all in 11 days now. I don't go out much.

I think it's no ones business if your parents support you except for you and your parents. If anyone else has a problem with it it doesn't matter as long as you and your parents don't mind.

I have no idea what your uncle specifically means by those phrases as I don't know the context in which they were said. Context is very important.

I can however tell you what is generally meant by those expressions. "Playing someone for a fool" might indicate that a person is exploiting someone, by pretending to be something they are not, by deceiving them, or by exploiting someone's naivety.

You could ask your uncle for an explanation of how he thinks this applies to the relationship between you and your parents.

Playing one party (off) against another makes reference to a situation where someone attempts to get what they want by exploiting either a difference of approach, or a difference in the relationship between that person and two other people, in this case the parents.

Example, a child knows that parent A will not give permission for something, but parent B might, so the child goes to parent B to get permission for what the child wants to do, even if the child knows that this may cause an argument between parents A and B.

Another example, the child has a better, more cordial relationship with parent A. Parent B is jealous of this. If the child senses this it can play A and B off against each other, perhaps by promising to be nicer to parent B if parent B gives them a reward.

I hope this makes some sense. Again I am not saying your uncle is right. Personally I can understand why your family want you to look for some work. They are concerned about your future as they won't live forever.

apprently aspies come across as 'exploitive' too a lot of people.