Do you think this was disgusting behaviour?

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Jamesy
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08 Mar 2012, 7:36 am

my friends (who is 21) father died of a heart attack in august last year. last september i started too invite my new friend round too my house more and my 49 year old mother was quite cold/rude towards him and behind my friends back my mum said things too me like "you friend is an unattractive creature", "he's a ****" and "he's as ugly as ****". unsuprisingly other people have kinda treated my friend this way in the past

2 years ago my friend (who at the time worked in a supermarket) spilled some of my mothers shopping by accident while serving her which really annoyed my mum.

my mother is described by some people as "once of the nicest people" and my father said "your mother does not know how too be nasty"


do you think its really mean the way my mother treated my friend given that she was aware that my friends dad passed away of a heart attack a month prior? granted there is no such code in society for women too have sympathy towards men no matter what they have been through.



MakaylaTheAspie
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08 Mar 2012, 10:59 am

If it was an accident, and happened a long time ago, I see no reason for her to act that way towards your friend.

I would still look out for my friend if I were in that situation, though. Some people need to know that their friends have their backs.

Good luck.


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Sparx
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08 Mar 2012, 11:02 am

That's no excuse to treat or talk about someone that way, really. Your mother doesn't seem nice at all.



SanityTheorist
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08 Mar 2012, 1:48 pm

Judgment is perfecly natural; I consider her a hypocrite though since she claims to be extremely nice. To judge based on looks though...that's shallow as hell.


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jmnixon95
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08 Mar 2012, 1:54 pm

SanityTheorist wrote:
Judgment is perfecly natural; I consider her a hypocrite though since she claims to be extremely nice. To judge based on looks though...that's shallow as hell.


I don't think Jamesy's mother claimed to be extremely nice (according to what was written); other people labeled her as such. So the "hypocrite" label is unnecessary.

Quote:
my mother is described by some people as "once of the nicest people" and my father said "your mother does not know how too be nasty"


But back to the OP, treating anyone like that regardless of the circumstances is wrong and immature.



lostgirl1986
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08 Mar 2012, 2:12 pm

Well, I don't really know the guy. Did she have reason to say that about him, did he do something to offend her?



MrXxx
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08 Mar 2012, 2:27 pm

Sounds like your mum is nice to certain people, when it counts and is beneficial for her.

No offense, she is your mother, but around here we call that "two-faced."


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Mdyar
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08 Mar 2012, 5:17 pm

Jamesy wrote:
my friends (who is 21) father died of a heart attack in august last year. last september i started too invite my new friend round too my house more and my 49 year old mother was quite cold/rude towards him and behind my friends back my mum said things too me like "you friend is an unattractive creature", "he's a ****" and "he's as ugly as ****". unsuprisingly other people have kinda treated my friend this way in the past

2 years ago my friend (who at the time worked in a supermarket) spilled some of my mothers shopping by accident while serving her which really annoyed my mum.

my mother is described by some people as "once of the nicest people" and my father said "your mother does not know how too be nasty"


do you think its really mean the way my mother treated my friend given that she was aware that my friends dad passed away of a heart attack a month prior? granted there is no such code in society for women too have sympathy towards men no matter what they have been through.


It looks as though she is thoroughly annoyed with him, as even his appearance is being nit picked in the process.

Is it mean? Well, I'd say there is a want in the sympathy department here. Some folks are judgmental like this and lump you together in a bundle of all or nothing.

I've witnessed it before, as expressed towards others but done entirely behind their backs, and I thoroughly loathe that. At least she is being consistent and not playing it out, giving the false appearance to be nice.



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08 Mar 2012, 5:25 pm

If you ask me, that doesn't sound nice at all! Just because of a little incident in the past doesn't mean she should hold a grudge on him.


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CockneyRebel
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08 Mar 2012, 6:03 pm

I think she should just let it go and forgive him.


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Jamesy
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09 Mar 2012, 7:53 am

mr Xxx well very often when i would go too a sports club or shopping with my mum if there was something about the facility she did not like she would usually give the receptionists or people who work in a store a really hard time. heck on airplanes as well if she did not like the food she would get really annoyed at the people who worked on the plane as well.


maybe my dad and my brother have not been exposed too my mothers nasy side as much as i have? however my brother did see the way that she treated my friend and said too her "you have no manners". too be fair as well my friend does act "stupid" sometimes and he's a 6ft2 fat lump so maybe that is why he annoys her..... but still the point is that his father died so there is no excuse too treat in that way so soon after his loved one past away.




my friend slightly resembles this guy but younger of course

http://www.gettyimages.co.uk/detail/new ... /128278841



howzat
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09 Mar 2012, 3:59 pm

I think your mothers attitude is simply disgusting it doesn't matter if your friend is fat and ugly its as long he is a good person that counts.



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09 Mar 2012, 8:25 pm

My mother expressed very similar behaviors towards an autistic friend of mine
and managed to separate the two of us around the time of my high school graduation.
{But that's beside the point, of course.}

As for your mother, she needs to let go of the past and forgive your friend.


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09 Mar 2012, 9:05 pm

SanityTheorist wrote:
Judgment is perfecly natural; I consider her a hypocrite though since she claims to be extremely nice. To judge based on looks though...that's shallow as hell.

Not just judge based on looks... I can't see why anyone would say something like that, no matter why they did it.

I think a lot of people assume that to "keep away" from what society teaches us to hate, they will often say things that are simply inhumane. I have noticed that with several people already.

No matter whether a friend's father has passed away, there is no reason, I believe, to say something like that in any case.

You know how society is all about unwritten rules?

One of my unwritten rules says that you should not look for faults in others. You shouldn't look for faults in yourself either. You should, in fact, look for no "faults" ever because such a thing does not exist, even if that sounds pretty dogmatic.


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