Write your own Owners Manual

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Write your own manual for the next person who "owns" you. Write down everything you wish people knew about you (like parents or people you live with) in an instructional format. Have some fun with it!

OK, here goes. Hope I've interpreted this correctly!

Instruction Manual for the owner of Molly:

> Most important - make her laugh whenever possible (and appropriate!). Laughter is often the best medicine.
> Don't make a big deal of her odd eating habits - there is method behind her apparent madness.
> When she seems to be on another planet, it's usually because she is! She's off elsewhere, daydreaming or just zoning out. Try not to poke fun of her too much when she does this.
> She often takes things literally and doesn't always get what's being said, so make allowances for misunderstandings. She may not realise that she's got it wrong!
> When in doubt, wave a chocolate bar under her nose, that'll get her attention.
> OK, so she acts oddly at times and gets over-emotional for no apparent reason. This is all just part of her unique personality.

This smells of a trap to me

Good Job, Lundy!

The chocolate bar bit had me laughing.

No trap. Everyone here complains that people misunderstand them and don't know how to treat them so I thought I might give them a chance to verbalise what they need / want / like from other people (preferably in a fun way). Is that still a bad idea?

I got the tingly sense too when I came in here first...perhaps if the OP posted her own manual it could help the atmosphere

Why is it pick on Kjas day around here? You lot are so paranoid!

No, posting mine that would just kill the thread.

Last edited by Kjas on 16 May 2012, 2:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Good topic, Kjas . No "Spidey-sense" triggered here.. . I get it, it's all in the context .

I'll have to think about this for a bit to have a complete answer, but here are a few thoughts:

1. - If I look like I don't understand, it is not that I don't "get it"...........I am processing!

2. - Sometimes my expression does not match my emotions or thoughts outwardly......this leads to misunderstandings .

3. - I will ask a lot of questions, sometimes repeating them more than once. It's not that I am stupid or didn't pay attention the first time I heard it, I just need to verify everything..........I live for facts and process everything better as I hear things repeated .


Well, it's a start...no? .

Do not move my stuff, I put it where it is for a reason.
Do not touch during mealtdown.
No teasing about insecurity please.

My room gets messy, I get it. Don't lecture me about it.
I am perfectly capable of doing my own laundry, thank you.
No, my room doesn't stink, I just eat in here and smells stick around.
Etc. etc.

Vigilans user manual

[pre-edited for moderators, too Adult for Random]
Make him bacon
Do not tickle

Doesn't play well with others.
If gets stuck, give a swift kick.
Wash separately, or with feminine articles. Air dry to prevent shrinkage and wrinkling.
Don't store with chocolate or junk food.
Works best when you're positive it's broken.
Tends to curse when batteries are low.
Difficult to understand what exactly it is used for.
Biodegradable and recyclable

+1 on the bacon... . (note to self; Why didn't I think of that? )

1. During and right after meltdown/sezier allow time for the proceser to come online befor inputting more data of any kind, failer to follow this is inviolation of first prime directive. Doing so may cause freezing facial expression, data loss and irratic operation and iratability
2. If sleeping in the tub with my head under water its just cooling down a over heated proceser unit. It might require as much as 8 minues with out air but it has all way come back up running and will continue to do so. Interupting this process may cause di hydros oxigen coolant to flood unprotected air passages causing permanate shut down.
3. Do not purge any thing from the arcives with out verifing with the main proceser first.
4. Do not expect deveation from program run perameters in the name of suprise to be handle as scedualde ones are.
5. Due to failer of sleep mode eratic opperation could be expected at random intravals.

Last edited by johnny77 on 16 May 2012, 7:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.

You guys are great at this, please keep going!

- Do not attempt to force power-on. Device will power up and power down at self-determined times.
- Insert food to ensure proper function of Device. Device will notify user when necessary.
- Ensure proper waste material receptacles are available. Device will extrude waste parcels when energy sources are spent.
- To ensure sufficient backup energy, transfer money to Device when prompted.
- Device is sensitive to sources of ambient interference. For best operation, avoid being detected by Device unless prompted.
- Device requires coolant change at regular intervals. For best operation, use high-quality dark coolants.
- Do not attempt to re-use waste coolant. Doing so will cause Device to reject waste coolant and current energy sources.
- Device is temperature sensitive. For best results, ambient temperature should remain between 62 and 69 degrees Fahrenheit.

I'm sure I could come up with more.

Congratulations on your purchase of a pre-loved hominid unit. Please read the following operational procedures and notes carefully for utilization of this unit under warranty conditions;

High-use low-hours partially incapacitated model:

1. This unit has been used previously in a manner which may have contradicted original design. Due to this, some features may not work, and those features which may work presently are not guaranteed to continue doing so. You may rely upon this particular unit to sit and breathe and nothing more.
2. Some features which are expected to fail without notice and should not be relied upon;
a) emotional support
b) physically comforting embrace
c) accurate reporting of common reality
d) self-maintenance of emotional stability
e) self-maintenance of mental stability

Some recommended uses for this unit are;

1) novelty lighting. Just add torch and lamp shade
2) oxygen to carbon dioxide converter
3) negative whining generator
4) unfunny funny generator