14 Jun 2012, 2:37 pm
I referee soccer/football and I love it, I've made lots of friends that way and I feel comfortable doing it. Noone has an idea about me having AS.
Couple of days ago, I met a friend of mine who is also a ref, we started at the same time, had lots of matches together. He was happy and over the moon and he told me that he had been set up to referee in a men's third division game. We have both progressed through the system together and were together in the fourth division.... I freaked out inside, but I smiled and told him "how cool!". We talked some more and then I took the bus home. Since then I have been furious restless and also sad, and I have been checking my match setup obsessively to see if I have got any third division matches like him.
Even though refereeing is quite fraternal thing, I smile when I read a bad match report on a ref at my level or above me. Why? Because I have realised that when someone gets demoted a division for underperforming, old age, etc, that opens an opportunity for others like me, and the other way around, when referees get promoted, that is a blow to my chances of promotion. I'll have to admit that last season, I was an assistant referee for a ref who was a candidate for promotion from my level. I deliberately made wrong calls (the main referee is usually blamed for the assistant's errors) that in turned helped decrease his chances of promotion, and bettering mine.
Why do I want to get promoted? More money, better matches, more prestigious, etc... (I'll probably get shot by the referee's board if they get to know about what I've written here.... 
)
Have anyone ever felt anything like this? I think myself I'm kinda narcissistic, does this sound narcissistic to you????
14 Jun 2012, 3:00 pm
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