Intellectual jokes

Page 1 of 7 [ 105 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 7 Next

Joined: 23 Feb 2005
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,442
Location: Washington, USA

25 Sep 2005, 8:35 pm

Does anyone know any good intellectual jokes? I happen to take a liking in this joke (whom another aspie stated on WP) that says that there are only 10 types of people in this world: those who know binary code and those who don't.

_________________
I'm 24 years old and live in WA State. I was diagnosed with Asperger's at 9. I received a BS in Psychology in 2011 and I intend to help people with Autistic Spectrum Disorders, either through research, application, or both. On the ?Pursuit of Aspieness?.

lowfreq50
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 May 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,536
Location: Gainesville, Florida

26 Sep 2005, 12:23 am

Is there an aspiegirl1 or have you always been aspiegirl2 ?

hecate
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jun 2005
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,011

26 Sep 2005, 12:27 am

i don't know if this is an "intellectual" joke but it is one of my favourites (although most people i've told it to says it's rubbish ):

A movie director decides to make a film about famous composers, so he hires three actors and asks them if they have any preferences to which role they play.
The first actor says "I've always been a big fan of Mozart so I'd like to portray him."
"Yes," says the director "You will be Mozart."
The second actor says "I'd like to be Chopin."
"Excellent. I will cast you as Chopin," said the director.
Finally, the director asks the third actor which composer he would like to be.
The third actor, who happens to be the celebrity Arnold Schwarzenegger, says "I'll be Bach."

eamonn
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jul 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,301
Location: Scotland

26 Sep 2005, 12:30 am

It certainly wasnt an intellectual that made up those jokes, that's for sure.

Endersdragon
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Jun 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,662

26 Sep 2005, 12:41 am

Theres one about beethoven (I think) decomposing but its quite long and Im too tired maybe tomarrow, it might not count anyway.

_________________
"we never get respect ... never a fair trial
[swearing removed by lau] ... as long as we smile"
Im tired of smiling.

Vote for me in 2020 :-D

Sean
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Apr 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,505

26 Sep 2005, 1:50 am

This is more of a nerd joke than an intellectual joke:
Q) What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
A) They both fight Klingons.

Serissa
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,571

26 Sep 2005, 7:04 am

The Binary Code jokes is inaccurate, darnit! The number should have eight digits!

----

How many narccissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bathtub.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.

Most of my jokes are just horrible, not intellectual.

Sean wrote:

This is more of a nerd joke than an intellectual joke:
Q) What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
A) They both fight Klingons.

UGH! UUGGHHHHH!! !! !! !

Tom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 19 Oct 2004
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,542
Location: Where you least expect it

26 Sep 2005, 7:06 am

Sean wrote:

This is more of a nerd joke than an intellectual joke:
Q) What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
A) They both fight Klingons.

I heard a version that says "they explore Uranus looking for Klingons"!

Fogman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 19 Jun 2005
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,986
Location: Frå Nord Dakota til Vermont

26 Sep 2005, 9:01 pm

tom wrote:

Sean wrote:

This is more of a nerd joke than an intellectual joke:
Q) What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
A) They both fight Klingons.

I heard a version that says "they explore Uranus looking for Klingons"!

The version that I heard is that they both circle Uranus wiping out Klingons. Oh well.... so much for Intellecualism in this thread....so far, at any rate.

coded
Snowy Owl

Joined: 30 Mar 2005
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 156

26 Sep 2005, 9:17 pm

Serissa wrote:

The Binary Code jokes is inaccurate, darnit! The number should have eight digits!

Not necessarily. You could have a 2-bit computer.

ajs_line_of_silver
Deinonychus

Joined: 15 Sep 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 355
Location: Adelaide

27 Sep 2005, 7:19 am

Quote:

The Binary Code jokes is inaccurate, darnit! The number should have eight digits!

I think the jock refers to the fact that binary only uses 1 and 0 not the amount they use

not very intellectual but i think its funny

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always > > > > under a buck.

"Nurse get on the internet, go to www.surgery.com scroll down and click on the 'are you totally lost icon"

_________________
S?cuse me my reason is currently on holiday

Serissa
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,571

27 Sep 2005, 7:26 am

coded wrote:

Serissa wrote:

The Binary Code jokes is inaccurate, darnit! The number should have eight digits!

Not necessarily. You could have a 2-bit computer.

Ohhh OK. I should prbably have known that. Thanks.

mathogre
Snowy Owl

Joined: 13 Sep 2005
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 140

27 Sep 2005, 8:33 am

Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he'd like a beer, and he finishes it. The bartender asks if he would like another. He says, "I think not" and disappears.

Sophist
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Apr 2005
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,332
Location: Louisville, KY

27 Sep 2005, 10:00 am

mathogre wrote:

Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he'd like a beer, and he finishes it. The bartender asks if he would like another. He says, "I think not" and disappears.

lol, hehehehehehe... Funny, funny, funny.

Alcohol and calculus never mix. Never drink and derive.

Oh, sure. But what's the speed of dark then?

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk???

_________________
My Science blog, Science Over a Cuppa - http://insolemexumbra.wordpress.com/

My partner's autism science blog, Cortical Chauvinism - http://corticalchauvinism.wordpress.com/

PhoenixKitten
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Jun 2005
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,609
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

27 Sep 2005, 10:05 am

I love that one mathogre!

_________________
...though fire may burn & flames envelop me, I will arise from the ashes...

DrizzleMan
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Aug 2005
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 887

27 Sep 2005, 10:15 am

Sophist wrote:

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk???

Noooo!

from http://www.thestar.co.za/index.php?fSectionId=328&fArticleId=2851768:

James Clarke wrote:

It started out innocently enough. He began to think, "just now and then".

Inevitably one thought led to another, and soon he was more than just a casual thinker.

"I began to think when alone - to relax. That's what I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true."

Finally he was addicted and even began to think on the job. I can only imagine he was a municipal town planner because he found that thinking and work didn't mix.

But he couldn't stop.

"I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, 'What exactly do we do around here?' Of course nobody could tell me.

"One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

"One day the boss called me in and said that if I didn't stop thinking on the job, I would have to go."

The habitual thinker went home early that day and said to his wife, "I've been thinking..."

"I can tell you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But honey, it's not that serious."

"It IS. You think as much as a university professor, and they don't make any money. If you keep on thinking we'll soon be broke!"
He stormed out of the house and got roaring thunk. He headed for the library.

"I was in the mood to read Nietzsche - with Classic FM on the radio".

At the library he ran up to the big glass doors ... they didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day he believes a Higher Power was looking out for him that night.

He sank to the ground clawing at the glass, whimpering for Zarathustra. A poster caught his eye: "Friend! Is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

"You might recognise that line from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. It is why I am what I am today.

"I am a non-thinker and happier in my job. I never miss a TA meeting where we watch a non-educational video - last week it was about an Australian crocodile catcher.

"Things are a lot better at home too. Life is so much easier since I stopped thinking."

_________________
The plural of platypus.

Page 1 of 7 [ 105 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 7 Next

Jump to:

Intellectual jokes Post Reply New Topic

Intellectual jokes