My Brother is in full addiction relapse+. Any tips?

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My brother is addicted to alcohol and weed.
He has lost his license, failed out of college and lost his apartment since he started smoking.
He has gotten a DUI for each once, probably more that I don't know of.
After the most recent one some months ago he was sentenced to 30 days jail or an inpatient addiction program.


The program was crap, they abused their power and mistreated their patients.
A lot of the people in it were repeat offenders and in for much more hardcore drugs so they tried to break the patients in treatment.
So after 2 months my brother asked for a ride home and I agreed, I thought he had gotten far enough that an outpatient program could do the rest for him.

One week later he has drunk all the alcohol he could find in my mothers house, luckily only half a box of wine, and bottle of home-brew wine a friend gave to my mom some time ago.
He finished these in two nights "in a row" one each night.
"It was only a couple cups" was what he thought in his mind even though it had been half a boxed wine and a bottle of wine.
He agreed to look into the outpatient program after I berated him for half an hour even though he thought he hadn't drank much.
I spoke to my mother and she agreed to take him and make sure he went.

I found out about the wine in the 2nd week since he was out, I had pretty much shut down the rest of the previous week after grilling a celebration dinner for him getting out and taking him to see batman."all on my buck"
It is the end of week three since he's been out now and his court date for his final jail time sentencing is Monday.

I asked him about the outpatient program and he admitted he hadn't gone and that my mother hadn't made sure he did.
He then said that he was fine now as he "hadn't smoked in 4 days."
So now I know in the 2nd week he started smoking again for around a week.
That's a full relapse in two weeks.

Now for the +.
I also found a doctors note tonight for a follow up visit on the kitchen counter and asked him about it.
Apparently he had to go to the hospital because he purposely overdosed on a medication.
A medication that with one more pill would have killed his liver, and with what he took still had a chance of doing so.
He did this to get high, after researching online."I wasn't going to hurt myself I researched online, its fine"


What should I do here? I gave him the ride out of treatment. This is at least partially my fault.

This idiot almost killed himself this week to get high and has shown that even after 2 months of treatment he doesn't truely think anything is wrong.


Should I go to his court hearing and ask the judge to force him back into the inpatient program?
The place was crap, but I don't think there are any other options around here.

Or should I just wait for his jail time to pass and make sure he gets into an outpatient program?
I can't make sure he goes to every appointment though, I can't even make sure I get to my appointments all the time.

He is going to kill himself trying to get high at this rate and I have to do something.
My mom's husband dyed last year and her husbands mother"whom she has become especially close to after his death"having found large brain tumors"6 I think" is now dying as well, its a matter of months.
My mother is very much breaking under it all and choosing not able to process it. She can't be relied upon for much of anything anymore.
If my brother kills himself my mom will probably break, if not outright kill herself out of grief and blaming herself.

So something has to be done. I just don't know what.
Does anyone have any advice, any addicts/family of addicts with experience?

How old is your brother?
I have a lot of experience in the emotional side of this, but from more of a distance. My brother that does this stuff all the time keeps his distance from me. I think it's because I hold him to a higher standard than does the rest of the family. After years of this, I tell him that despite the fact that addiction is a disease he's still in charge of his life. I attended AA meetings with another family member. I've heard a lot of stuff. People make it work out only when they're ready. It's a complex situation.
I also have two other family members who had/have even more serious addiction issues. They are brothers but their lives have gone in almost polar opposite directions.

This is such a complicated thing to deal with. I want you to know that this is in no way your fault. All you did was give him a ride. You mentioned harsh treatment at the rehab center. You helped your brother out of what you believed to be a bad situation. You are no more at fault then would be a bus driver or a taxi driver in this regard.

Jail hasn't fixed things. Near death from od's hasn't fixed things. Suspended licences, multiple arrests, interventions, multiple rehabs, haven't fixed things. So far the only one of the three people I mentioned that has turned things around, did it because he wanted to. He found a reason to get clean and stay clean. It came from within him.

It breaks my heart watching all this. Thankfully I survive by realizing, finally, that I can't help fix it. I told my brother. "I love you. You're my brother, I will always be there for as long as you are trying to do the right thing. If you chose to keep doing what you know gets you in trouble, I'm not going to bail you out." It sounds cold. But until he accepts that he is responsible for himself he's not going to change his path.

This is my personal experience, the abridged version. I hope it helps knowing you're not alone with this.

(Feel free to PM.)