Name Change: A Wise Decision?

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I need a bit of advice from someone who is knowledgeable about name changes.

Last night, I decided that I want to change my name to something that is a lot more mainstream than my name. My current name is long and it very clearly associates me with a Russian background, which I am not proud of and don't associate with anymore. I find that many people have preconceptions and stereotypes about Russian people and this sometimes gets really annoying (Example: You're left-wing? I heard Russians are pretty conservative nowadays). Plus, always having to spell out my name is a hassle. I'm also somewhat of a conformist in that I'd rather fit in than "be unique" if I can help it.

I've also noticed that the largest proportion of people who are listed as having certification that I'm eventually aiming for are those with pretty traditional names. I really think that a simple, straightforward name would look good on a resume. As not having an accent is important for the field I'm going into (child therapy), I also want to take some sessions with a speech pathologist or find something at my school that would help me remove my accent completely. It's not that bad as it stands now, but it's still detectable sometimes.

I am willing to go through the hassle of changing all my documents to match the new name just to get rid of the Russian thing that follows me everywhere I go. I am, though, slightly worried about the fact that I've already published some work under my old name, although it's probably not too big of a deal considering that I haven't published anything scientific yet.

What do you think?

Thanks for any feedback you've got!

A positive of an unique name is that once people learn it, they usually will not forget it. I'd keep it. People are smart enough not to put you into a political affiliation because of your name. If it is difficult to pronounce, you could just use a nickname or shorthand version of it. You don't have to be proud of your heritage if you don't want to, but don't hide it because you're worried about what others will think.

Political affiliation is perhaps a mild example. There are tons of people of Scottish heritage in the GTA and some of them are extremely prejudiced toward Russians - I have experienced this first-hand with the parents of a friend of mine. When I try to explain that I have nothing to do with Russian culture, some people still don't believe me and steer clear of me as though they don't trust me or perhaps think that perhaps there are some subconscious Russian cultural influences acting upon me. People who have general English-speaking roots seem to have a subtle advantage because they're sort of neutral with relation to cultural minorities (which really are minorities, and this in itself does not confer an advantage).

Also, the short version of my name sounds a bit too silly to put into official places such as my student records or a resume. I actually want to change my first name to something that is pretty close to my current name, but I would replace my last name altogether.

I have always hated my given name, and at times completely refused to answer to it because I find it so hideous. Don't like any of its short forms either.
In June 2011 I officially added another name to existing one, and that is the only first name I use today. Both names are your regular western Judeo-Christian girl's name but I don't wanna say either my original or taken first name here. I can mention the names that I considered but that didn't make the cut though: Stephanie, Natalie, Alexandra, Willow, Tabitha, Chelonia (not really a name).Willow might be prettier than the one I chose, but it doesn't fit me.


Names have always been important to me. I could spend hours going through my stuffed animal toys and evaluate their names, and changing them as I came across names I liked better/thought suited them better. I even made lists at times. Like in the fairy tales, names have power lol
I'm not even gonna mention how seriously I take the naming of pets


I have always hated my given name. Ever since I realized that it was supposed to be me, I have hated it and it never even felt right. The worst part is that I wasn’t even christened until I was 6 or 7 months old, because my parents couldn’t agree on my name given name. My mother thought it’s beautiful while my father was opposed as it is his mother’s name. I only wish he had pushed on harder and at the very least demanded I get a double first name. It could have made parts of my life easier. Of course with my luck, I might have ended up with 2 names I hated equally.


I know this is a laughing matter to some people who have been parts of my life, because they can’t relate at all. Yeah really funny when your name sound s worse to you than anything a bully can come up with… NOT! To those of us who have fought this fight our entire life and endured the anger and resentment one feel simply from being called upon, it is absolutely no joke. It’s a very real issue about being allowed to be addressed without feeling queasy, angry and resentful.
I once heard that charm means getting a ‘yes’ without even asking a question. Well, calling me (insert first name) is a way of getting ‘no’ without even asking a question.

The dreaded name is one I will simply refer to as Nomen Nescio, and the nick name I hated least will be referred to as NN. The nickname given to me as a child, will be referred to as Kiddie.


I remember the first time I realized that it allegedly was supposed to be me. I was just a toddler, but I’m not sure exactly how old I was at the time. I was sitting on the floor, fingering with something. Behind me was my mother and someone else, I cannot remember who that someone was, but it might have been my grandmother, although that is an educated guess not a memory.
At any rate this woman was talking and I thought she addressed me, but then she added Nomen Nescio, so I tuned her out, ‘cause that wasn’t me. Then my mother (who had been next to her) passed me and stood in front of me and poked at me and pointed behind me to get me to pay my attention to the person behind me. I understood what she meant. My initial reaction (one which was interrupted by her ongoing response to me; not sure how far I’d have gotten anyway, since I’m not one for showing my emotions much of the time) and very clear thought was an overbearing smile and the reply: “It’s not ME. It’s got nothing to do with ME.”
There was no other name that felt like me, no feeling that this or that should have been my name, just the very strong sensation of Nomen Nescio not being it, and a very strong hatred towards it. As strong as any kind of insult you can imagine.
To me there is no emotional difference to being called Nomen Nescio, or being called any type derogatory term people will throw at you. To me it is an abusive word, and I cannot emphasise how much I hate it. I do not mean that I dislike it. I mean I absolutely hate it. I have had to fight not to get angry simply because they call me by my given name, which I hate so much. EVERY time I have mental shivers, I feel resentment and anger, and sourness.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, I have known a few people who hated their name and got pissed if you called them by it, but all of these lucky bastards had 2 first names, so they could choose it away. A colleague of my mother was in that same position, and my mother told me that when there was a phone for this woman at work and she was called by both names, she would stay put in her seat until the last call, fuming. I understood her so very very well!! !! I also knew 2 boys in elementary and junior high school who both got so angry if you called them by the first name they didn't like, that they would get physical towards the person who called them by said name. How I envied them the gift of 2 names!


When I was a toddler my father gave me a nickname, let’s call it Kiddie. This nick is one I liked just fine. I won’t mention it here, cause that is for family only, but it was the only name I enjoyed being called by. What a delicious treat that was, being called on as Kiddie instead of Nomen Nescio!! ! It made me respond in a normal, neutral to happy manner instead of the alternative I have mentioned already.

I learnt to write a little before I began school. Kiddie was one of the things I could write. I never learnt to write Nomen Nescio in my preschool years because I didn’t want to, and I learnt only reluctantly afterwards.

I always hated introducing myself because I hated giving my name, as it would be used against me after that whenever the person in question called me. Yes, used against me. That’s what it feels like, so for this thread, I will say it like that. That plus my innate introversion made people mistakenly think I was shy.


In elementary school we learned that in ancient Rome, there were so few first names, that children with older siblings were often called by number. I remember the teacher saying “imagine that, not having a real name, just a number.” I would gladly have traded!
My grandfather told me that they were referred to by last name in his school, and I envied him that.

When I was 9, the bullying started. I was certain the teachers knew what was going on, yet they didn’t do anything to help me.
One day, in 3rd or 4th grade (I can’t recall for sure anymore), the teacher talked about an author of children’s books here, named Anne-Catharina Vestly, but only referred to as Anne-Cath Vestly by everyone. I had earlier pleaded to be called a normal nickname for Nomen Nescio, let’s call it Nomen but I was just told that “no, it’s your name”. Now I pointed out that Cath was just a nick, so if she could be called that, why couldn’t I be called Nomen? The teacher said that Nomen Nescio was such a beautiful name that she wouldn’t hear of it, she had even given her daughter that name. I pointed out that I hated it to no avail.
That’s another thing that has always annoyed me: Almost every time I have told people how much I hate Nomen Nescio, their response is often: “I think it’s nice/pretty etc” Why on Earth do they say this? Do they really mean it? Or do they think me so shallow/easily manipulated that I would respond “Oh so YOU like it, well then it must be good and I will accept it now”? I don’t care whether or not THEY like it, I only care about hoe crappy it makes ME feel. I’m the one who is forced to ‘wear’ it FFS!
Anyway, I digress. That was the final blow name wise for me.
Some of the kids bullied me severely (unrelated to the aforementioned topic), the teachers did nothing. My plea to be called by a nick went unanswered by all, so after a time of boiling on the inside, I thought eff it! If they don’t respect me, I won’t respect them. So at some point in 4th grade I started calling myself by whatever name I liked at the time. I knew very well they weren’t my given identity, I was never confused there, but since they didn’t respect my plea for being called by a nick I hated less, and did nothing to ease my troubles, I picked the name I liked there and then, and signed with it, and responded only to it, and ignored anyone calling me Nomen Nescio. The other kids thought it was fun, and would use these names. I knew they were making fun of me, but it was so wonderful to be called something I liked, that I didn’t care, I just happily responded to them.
(I ended up with a lot of trouble for that, ‘cause the effing teachers thought I had identity problems. Anyone that lost from understanding people should never be allowed to work with kids IMO. The severity of what I went through was bound to result in me acting out in some way.)


In junior high, I started in a new class, and pleaded to be called Nomen. That was accepted there, so being called there was okay by me, as it was heaps better than the alternative Nomen Nescio. Mind you, I didn’t LIKE Nomen, I simply picked it because out of the possible nicks you can get from Nomen Nescio, it was the one I hated the LEAST, and yeah, that is a big difference. It was simply the best I could get out of the situation.


I have remained highly reluctant to introduce myself. I have been thrilled whenever I have been referred to as “Miss (my-last-name)”, or just “miss” or even “ma’am”. Not because I am high society (lol so am not) but because that was so much better than Nomen Nescio. Heck, I have been called insults I have minded less.


For the last 25-ish years at least, my family has known how much I hate Nomen Nescio. And after I became an adult, and complained from time to time, my mother snapped “so change it then”. Of course, changing a name back then wasn’t so easy, but after they changed the name laws, it became a lot easier. So after that change I'd snap back "Oh I will, once I find the right name”. I wanted the name to be one I would like even years into the future, not just a temporarily fling like the ones I picked in elementary school. So I took the time I needed, and narrowed it down to a few candidates, then gave it more time. I wanted to be sure, you know.


When I started going on forums back in 2008, I picked something turtle related, and I enjoyed so much being referred to by those usernames. That along with finding other aspies made online communication a haven for me. I could be myself and never had to brace myself for the dreaded name thing. As i got to know a few people better, they felt it natural to exchange first names. I refused, that would ruin it for me so much! So I said that it was the online anonymity that made it possible for me to be as open as I was. That was true, but I also knew that I had to be extremely unlucky for someone from RL finding me on any of those forums. The main reason was to avoid more Nomen Nescio. When my ex said that referring to me by other than my official name made him uncomfortable, I knew I had to make my move. There was no way I would become Nomen Nescio online as well. No way. So I filled out the form, and sent it to the tax office (they are responsible for name changes here), and June 11th the confirmation arrived. I was officially (insert new name)!
Now I don’t mind introducing myself anymore. I don’t mind being called anymore (other than by my mother who only calls me Nomen Nescio or Kiddie, something we quarreled about some 3-4 times a week, and the real eff of it is that she has 2 first names, one of which she can’t stand – although probably not to my extent – so she should be able to relate. But after I tried to tell her how much it bothers me, she has made a real effort to stop saying Nomen Nescio, and use Kiddie instead. She never uses (new name). ).


This is so important to those of us who are so badly affected by it. On the contrary, it affects us during all interactions with people we know, every time introductions, or just a signature is in order. With the (to quote DSM IV) Qualitative impairment in social interaction I already have due to AS; I did not need this in addition. Add to that the fact that I am extremely introverted and aloof (which is perfectly alright by me, I like keeping my distance, I like being quiet), and have never cared for RL interactions family notwithstanding, making the unwelcome interaction even worse by adding a perceived insult.
Like I said at the beginning of this post, I know this is a laughing matter to some. It is no joke. Like I said, it affects all interactions, and your response when people simply call you. You can be in a relaxed situation and then the bomb word is dropped and your mood plummet, same as it does every time you tell people your name, every time you sign paper or letters etc. I have done a lot in my time to avoid using Nomen Nescio. Initials, saying what’s in a name anyway, miss, etc...
For me that battle is now past. I am now (new name). I have put Nomen Nescio and Nomen behind me forever, and will never respond to or use any of them again. When it’s used by people knowing better, I tell them that it’s not me or that it’s no Nomen Nescio here. I told the one person who flat refused to call me by my new name that she could respect my wishes or get out of my life. We haven’t talked since, and good riddens, I do not need that type in my life.

Sorry for the long post lol


Math Girl, I think you should do what you feel is right for you!
I don’t know the laws in your country, but here it was only a matter of sending in an application. It didn’t even cost anything. I just added a new name so I wouldn’t render all my old documents useless.
Just be aware that to everyone who already know you, you will be (Russian name) first for a long time, and some won’t bother respecting your name change at all.
But of course to everyone new, you will be (new name).