"Blaming the victim" gone too far?

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I think “blaming the victim” has gone too far. Now all of a sudden telling people to be careful or take precaution and how to stay safe is now blaming the victim. All of a sudden being safe is a crime now. My parents went to Spain and I was worried about them being pickpocketed so I was telling them to leave their passports in their hotel room, keep their wallets chained to them, don’t have them in their back pockets, I was blaming them as the victim according to those people. Is now teaching kids about stranger danger blaming the victim now and telling them to not take candy from a stranger, don’t get in a car with a stranger, don’t go with a stranger? Oh yeah, telling a woman to not drink when she goes to a party will send you flames from them and bring up how you think rape is their fault. How is that any different than the other stuff I just mentioned above? I could remember in 5th grade at the end of the school year the principal talking over the inter come about strangers because it was getting close to summer vacation and she told us to scream loud if a stranger tries to take us and I suppose she was blaming us as the victims ha or Mom telling me when I was eight to not leave my bag lying around at the mall or someone could take it thinking it’s lost and it had a toy in it Mom bought me. I think some people do have an issue looking after themselves and it’s so wrong to be concerned for others so we tell them as a friend or someone who cares to look after themselves and it’s become wrong now because it’s now blaming the victim.


I know I have started a thread similar to this except it was about why is being safe a crime and it turns out it's after it happens, not before it happens but lately I have been seeing this card get played when people get told to take precaution and how to avoid it from happening or what to do next time. My mom was telling me when my wallet got stolen, let the whole thing be a lesson to me and she was telling me about strangers and when it's okay to interact with them and if I want to hang out with someone, it has to be from a group like from church or school or a group you go to and if someone wants to make a friend, they have to join a group or join a church but you do not hang out with a stranger you do not know from anywhere but talking to them like on the bus or train is fine but you do not go beyond that. Not once did I see this as blaming the victim. Also when I hear stories from about or about people about stuff happening to them rather it's getting their wallets stolen or stuff, I instead learn how to avoid it from happening to me because I am thinking what can I do to avoid it being me. When I watched a show about pickpockets, I was learning instead I would have to be very careful when I am in Europe and when helping people and maybe I shouldn't help anyone at all if they drop stuff and the show was just telling us how people do it, not how to avoid being the victim. So that was when I was concerned about my parents because they were going to Europe and Barcelona was a biggest spot for pickpockets so i was telling them how to avoid it and told them there are lot of them there.

Do you think all this blaming the victim crap has gone too far? I see it being used now for when you tell someone how to avoid something from happening to them. I am sure the time my mom told me to not count my money in public, put it away would be seen as her blaming me as the victim.

In the same way that racism has gone too far -- even discussing racism is considered racist by some.

As far as I am concerned, telling someone to be careful,and giving a loved one suggestions about how to be safe and protect themselves shows that you care.

They should be grateful for a good friend who reminds them to be careful.


Sylkat

I agree completely, League_Girl.

I don't get how going over precautions & safety with anyone can be interpreted as blaming the victim Your blaming the victum when something bad happens because they don't listen & you tell them [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLvnSmC5s5s[/youtube]

I haven't heard any of this discussion of blaming the victim before a victim even exists. I do think it's important for people to impress upon children that they should not rob or rape people, and that they have a duty to get involved and render aid if they see someone being victimized. This probably happens less than it should.

People would probably benefit more from advice such as: "watch out for your friends and make sure that they are watching out for you if you decide to get drunk at a party," or the advice you gave about watching out for thieves than they would from being told not to do fun things because of being female or old, or whatever.

It seems like you are employing the rhetorical tactic of reducing something to absurdity, then pointing out the absurdity of your hypothetical examples. Do you have any actual examples that come close to your hypothetical ones?

Someone in a Facebook group posted an article about muggers and a few people brought up blaming the victim and I said I don't understand why it's blaming the victim if an article tells you how to avoid getting mugged. I couldn't understand the article so based on the comments it sounded like it was that. Then some lady wrote how she has the right to walk in the middle of the night without getting mugged and it should be the other way around about how to not mug people instead of how to not be a target for being mugged and how she shouldn't have to watch over herself.

I have seen the same thing about bullying. Ever heard of bully buddies or whatever it's called. The whole website tells you how to stop bullying and it was seen as blaming the victim.

It was the same thing about an autism article about working on social skills to make them less targets for bullying.

I have seen some women get defensive online about how they have the right to drink at a party without getting raped. Well I have the right to leave my bags in the car without anyone breaking in or have the right to leave my laptop sitting out unattended in a public place without someone taking it or leaving my home unlocked when I am gone without anyone going inside and taking stuff and I have the right to leave the lights off when I leave when it's night time without anyone breaking in. But I never feel comfortable so I choose to lock my bag in the trunk or hide my valuable items in my car and taking my purse with when I leave any car and I never want to leave my laptop lying around anyway and I like keeping my house locked and leaving some lights on at night when I am gone to make it look like someone is home. But I certainly wouldn't get defensive if anyone suggested to leave a light on at night when you're gone or to put your bag in your trunk or not to leave your purse in the car, etc. because how is this any different than saying "Don't drink when you are at a party."

I also said on Fetlife once don't post your photos online or else people take them and use them as their own when someone complained about someone stealing their photos from their profile. Luckily someone corrected everyone else defending me saying I meant something like be safe and be cautious and don't do this so it won't happen and used a hypothetical example.

I think its simply a difference if you tell someone simply to be cautious like "have a watch on your portemonnaie (= purse)" or if you tell them, that they shall criminals allow to rule your life by "dont drink on parties".
The last thing is simply to far, because noone but me has a right to forbid me a normal life. Telling someone to be aware of pickpockets on a market is not influencing your life, just as "Always watch your drinks.", "Dont leave a bag in a car." or "Close the door behind you." is not really affecting your life. Closing a door or grabbing a bag takes 5 seconds. ^^

While telling "Dont go on markets!" or "Dont drink on parties." or "Dont get yourself a car, so noone can try to break in." or "Never leave your house." is letting criminals massively rule your life, and from my opinion you have to fight that in any way.

The difference simply is, the amount of time you want a criminal to be dominant about your life. Some seconds? No prob. My complete free-time habbits? No way.

Last edited by Schneekugel on 13 Nov 2013, 11:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

I had to look up the word 'portemonnaie'. I have never, ever seen or heard the word used in English.

In English, you would simply say "watch your wallet" (or purse/handbag, if the person you are giving advice to is female).

Usually the advice is "don't drink heavily at parties", not "don't drink at parties".

Victim Blaming is part of American soceity these days like if a person is scammed or conned the person who is conned gets blamed and told "well? serves you right!"

Sorry about that, in europe its quiet international from the time Napoleon took over half the continent. ^^ So its a french word, but is here in germany as well common. Thanks for the correction.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Portemonnaie

Obviously not wrong then.

We use portemoné here too, even though Napoleon never came here.

No, it's like lots of words in English that are never used,

Is it still victim blaming if someone was careless with their stuff and it got stolen so you tell them to get a locker next time or to not leave it unattended next time? I grew up with this sort of advice after bad things would happen. I never once viewed it as victim blaming, just telling them what to do next time so it won't happen again and most people do learn from experience. I tend to learn from other peoples experiences as well. I know some people would call it victim blaming and I think WTF. Now telling someone to be careful or how to keep safe is victim blaming.