I met one of my old bullies

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She's working at one of our clinics. I was sent there because with the ACA they're doing so much that they're falling behind with enrollments, so my supervisor sent me there to help catch up. I found out that she's working there as a receptionist. I recognized her right away, yet absolutely refused to believe that it could be the same person. Finally I commented to her that she reminded me of someone from high school. Apparently, she recognized me, too. She said she had been very mean to me and that she was very sorry. She asked me if I forgave her. I've always been very frank and told her that I did know if I did. She seemed very hurt and upset by this. I honestly do not know if I can forgive her, yet I must admit something. I know that it takes a lot of courage for someone to recognize they did something wrong and even more to apologize. I appreciate that she apologized. I know another individual who hurt me in ways much worse than even the bullies at school did, yet when I confronted her, she insisted that I was wrong and confused. Perhaps I had a dream in which that happened and I was mistaking the dream for an actual memory, that God knew that I was messed up and confused, but just how could I hurt her when she had done so much for me. I was forced to see her a few days ago and my mother insisted I be polite, which just cost me what little self respect I had. It just sickened me how that person would be behaving like the angel she behaves when there are other people around, and me unable to show just what I think of her. I just don't know. Should I recognize that the bully has the courage to admit she was worng and apologized, unlike this other person, and forgive her?

Very cool about getting the apology. That's awesome when it works out that way. I'm glad for both of you.

People develop. I'm not making excuses for her bullying behaviour in the past, but it was a long time ago and it sounds like she regrets it. She offered her apology. You are under no obligation to forgive and forget, but sometimes that is healthier than holding onto old hurts. It doesn't mean you want to establish a new relationship with this person, and you don't have to.

In your position, I would probably never be able to let go of those old feelings entirely, but would (since she has apologised, which she didn't have to) try to be civil and polite to her. In the long term, I think that doing this would be beneficial for you, because it would 'over-write' those old feeling of hostility that you felt whenever you saw her, and thus be helpful in neutralising those old memories.

I think it's quite nice that she spontaneously offered her apologies -- it indicates a guilty conscience, which means she has recognised what she did wrong.

You can forgive someone,but sometimes it takes longer to forget.It does take courage to admit being in the wrong,so I'd give her credit for that.She must feel bad about what she did.

I would wait for the bully to make a full apology before letting him or her know that I forgive them.

And by "Full apology", I mean something like: "I hurt you. I was wrong to hurt you. I am sorry that I hurt you." - no excuses, no mitigating circumstances, and no subjunctive weasel-wordings like "I'm sorry IF I hurt you" or "I'm sorry that you were hurt".