Don’t ask me why I bought a battery at Wal-Mart, honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking! After about 6 months of use, the battery in my Chevy Van that stopped taking a charge. I had all my receipts together, so I removed the battery from the van, and drove it back to the Wal-Mart I bought it from in my other car. Assuming that this was a matter I needed to bring to the automotive service department, I pulled around back to the service center, removed the battery from the trunk, and took it inside.
Behind the counter sat a tiny little teenage girl with hugely teased up hair.
ME: “I have a battery here that will not start my van, it’s only 6 months old, and I would like to exchange it for a new one”
Teenage clerk: “Oh, we don’t do that here, You’ll hafta like take that up to the customer service counter in the front of the store okay!?!?!”
ME: “okay, let me get a cart, since it’s heavy” I walked away to find a cart
Teenage Clerk: “Sir, you can’t leave this here”
ME: (walking away) “Just a moment, I’ll be back!”
I found an abandoned cart in the home improvement section, came back and got the battery. And took it up front. The line at the customer service counter was VERY long, and it took almost 30 minutes to get up to the clerk, a large black woman with a really bad attitude.
Clerk: “Howbz kaan I helb u suuh”
Me: “I have this car battery that won’t start my van and I would like to exchange it”
Clerk: “Whichdu hall dis batree all duh way up heuh when automobiv take cara dat!”
Me: “I spoke with someone in automotive, and they told me to see you about this”
Clerk: “Hu tolbyuah dat!”
Me: “ A small blond teenage girl at the service counter with lots of makeup and teased up hair”
Clerk: “ I dunno hu bat tiz meme kawl”
She picks up the phone, dials a few numbers. The PA system in the store squawks up “BEEEEEEP! SCRATTCH!! !! ! Kan Iz hav sumone in da automobiv kum to da cuzztumah serbiz dezzzk”
She takes another customer in the line, and eventually picks up the phone a few more times after noticing nobody is coming up, and says the same thing. Eventually this skinny little teenage wigger boy comes up to the counter that has a huge gold chain around his neck, A wal-mart hat turned to the side, and jeans baggy enough for a sumo-wrestler to wear.
Auto tech: “Wazzup Tanesse”
Clerk: “ dis boi wanna return dis batree”
Auto clerk: “Welz Iz got tez dat first. Iz be riit bak, gotta git a meta”
A few more minutes went by, and the automotive tech returns with a little plastic analogue multi-meter about the size of an I-pod. He puts the probes on the battery terminal.
Auto Clerk: “Dat batuhreez got tweeelve bolts, iz gut”
Me: “ Well, you just tested it without a load on it, the voltage won’t be that high when it’s actually being used”
Auto Clerk: “Welz d onlee wa tu tez dat batuhree iz tu doozit in uh kaa, U got da kah dit came outta”
Me: “No, it wouldn’t start, so I bought it up here in another car”
Auto Clerk: “Whii chu do dis. I’ll letcha bi anudah batuhree youz can put in da bad kaa. Driiv dat kah up heyah and Iz tezt da ka tu and figuah owt if ya got da bad kah tu. If da kah aint bad den Iz getcha money back on da new batuhree. Iz be heya til 8 tuniit juz holler fuh me at da cah centah”
Me: “Sounds good, I’ll just live down the street, I’ll be back shortly”
I drove home with a new battery and the old one. I installed the new battery in the van, put the old battery in the back, and drove the van back up to the Wal-Mart.
Me: “I’m here to see Trevor, he told me to bring my car back up so he could test it and make sure the electrical system wasn’t bad”
Teenage auto clerk: “ Ooh, sorriee (smiling) Trevaaa like got off fifteen minutes ago, he’s gone”
Me “Well, I need to speak to someone that can test my car and refund my battery then.
Teenage auto clerk: “Allrightee then, Ill get somebody”
She gets on the phone and calls someone “Like, there’s a guy at the counter here that needs his car tested for a bad battery, can you help him?”
A few minutes later this redneck looking kid shows up at the counter.
Auto clerk 2: “Whacha got goin on”
Me: (explained this whole story you’ve previously read)
Auto clerk 2: “ Well, I dunno why he woulda told ya dat. Weze can only give ya a new battery, we caint getcha money back”
Me: “Well, now I’ve got two of this stupid piece of junk batteries that I can’t return…I only need one! You all have ripped me off!”
Auto clerk 2: “Juz pull your van in da gayrage while I calz d managa”
He checks the van out and finds nothing wrong with the vehicle. Shortly, the manager shows up, who didn’t look any better than any of the other people that came by. The clerk explains to him what happened, I do to
Manager: “Well I can’t take that second battery back because you’ve already broken the shipping seal on it and it’s not bad. I can take the first battery back and give you another one, but since there was a bituva mixzup I’ll be nise and juz give you in store credit for that one”
He goes to the register and punches a few buttons, and out comes a receipt paper with a negative balance on it.
I pull the car around front after this fiasco and re-enter the store looking for some cheap Chinese junk worthy of my $50. I didn’t find much appealing, so I just bought a little food. I then had to wait in the checkout line for what seemed like an eternity to buy what amounted to about $10 worth of food.
I handed the clerk the store credit receipt. She looked at it a bit, then called another manager up to the cashier desk and asked her “what do I do wit dis? He ain’t got fiftee dolarz wotha stuff hea!?!?!” “Ask him for a credit card, and just credit his balance” So, I handed the checkout clerk my Visa check card, she runs it, and credits my account for $40, and gives me the $10 worth of food in a bag without a thank you, just a “hereyougo”
So ***3 HOURS LATER*** I finally got most of my money back for their bad battery!
06 Nov 2006, 7:19 pm
