What's wrong with 'I feel sorry for you'?

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I guess, maybe, it depends-on how it's said?

I've had people bite my head off, for saying it----AND, I've had people say "Thank you", when I've said it. I've always thought it was a compassionate thing to say.....

How do YOU feel about it?

I'm guessing the phrasing is the problem.

i appreciate it when they are genuinely sympathetic, but the way it's sometimes said, it reeks of pity.

the bad, condescending kind of pity. it's not always easy to tell. i would like consolation, but i certainly don't appreciate others thinking i am pathetic or i cannot help myself. luckily i don't get much of the latter.

i'd want to help the person pull hirself together, not allow hir to wallow further.


sympathy is good but it can kill.

It is often received as patronizing, even when the sender has no such intention. It can sound very judgmental (depending on the circumstances) of the person receiving it, which may not be meant though will be resented often by the target person.

It's safer to simply leave out the sorry, so if you want to express empathetic support without these loads of hidden ambiguity, just say something like "I feel for you, I really do" which is far more acceptable and clear.