Living on crumbs.

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Envy is despicable. Perhaps it is he only mortal sin, if such things exist.
Our life feeds on crumbs. What is given to someone in plenty and ease, we have to contemplate as an entertaining show in which we have no part. Nevertheless I wouldn’t swap my life with any other life. I don’t feel envy, but not because envy is despicable, I just don’t feel it.
Nonetheless some one would like to be the Red Baron, like Snoopy. This is not envy. Do you imagine to be something different from what you are?

Yes, paolo. I want out of the rat race that society has determined is the way we should live. I want to be set free from suburbia and high pressure jobs and from all the people who have their hands out begging for money. I want to live in the middle of no where, where life slows down and things are simple. Thus, freeing the mind so it can be imaginative again. I want to be more creative and play around with art like I use to, but my mind is blocked by stress and pressures.

Grrr, all the more reason why Capitalism is stupid. I envy no-one, but I want to rise above the rest. This world is so full of mediocrity- whether it's average people or undeserving celebrities who whore themselves on fame, there's no-one to envy. My proposed socio-politico-economic system is so much better. People would rise gradually, and if they're good, they rise to the top without sleaze. People are paid their share of resources fairly, according to what they deserve.

I won't go on about it.

I miss two things above anything else. I would like to win a duel. Not a duel with epees and such stuff. But a character contest. When I resent some people’s behavior I would like to be able to put them in their place, talk back: It always comes to my mind what I should have said harshly, drily and firmly hours or days after the guy is not there anymore.
The other thing I would enjoy would be stay hugged to someone (possibly a woman) for some time, with complete self-forgetfulness. The first thing never happened to me, the second very rarely and not since a long time. The two things are connected: I think you cannot hug if you cannot stand your ground.
I also would like to lie on a sandy beach and eat a sandwich in a deep forest of fir trees among ants and ferns drinking a beer. No cars around.

I can never understand how others can like my voice, when I hear a recording. It just sounds so wrong - not what I'm used to at all.

I don't want anything different, necessarily. I just want to stop the self-defeating behaviors that keep me from accomplishing more.

I don't seem to have much envy. I think it's an aspie thing. NT's seem to have high levels. It's a strong motivating force though, so it can be a good thing, if it gets you moving.

I have trouble with goals and achieving things because i don't really want what others have.

I like crumbs.