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Why did the moron bring a ladder to the saloon?

He heard that the drinks were "on the house".

"Did you take a shower today?"

"Why do you ask? Is there one missing?"

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo’ drizzle.

They say there is safety in numbers... Tell that to 6 million Jews.

Do you want to hear a dirty joke?

The boy fell in the mud.

Do you want to hear a clean joke?

His mother gave him a bath.

Why don't bears like to eat joggers?
They get the runs

A doughnut walks into a bar.

Bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.

(Phone rings) "Yes? Ugh. I've told you before: I am a ghost, what would I need with life insurance?"

Did you hear the one about the man who ate a clock?

It was very time consuming.

My martial arts class was cancelled because the teacher was sick. He had Kung Flu.

Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

Because he was too far out, man!

Did you hear the one about the rotten food?
Never mind, it would turn your stomach.

How do you find Will Smith when he’s lost in the snow?

You just look for fresh prints.

What happened when the fat lady stepped backward into the airplane's spinning propeller blades?


Disaster!

On the grounds of the palace at Versailles was a large artificial lake.

On the lake was a small boat placed there for exclusive use by the royal kitty cats.

Their names were Uh, Duh, and Twa.

Then one day disaster struck as the boat reached the middle of the lake. The boat sprang a leak, and the royal family were forced to watch as Uh, Duh, Twa, cats sank!