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Did I ever tell you the one about the Indian that drank 72 glasses of tea one night? He was found dead the next morning in his tea pee.

OK Saw the Hertz joke. Had to tell another one.

When Heinrich Hertz was a boy, his parents owned a Rent-A-Cycle shop.



The older Techie Radio guys will find the double entendre.

A good name for a battlebot:

"Megahurts"

Can you spell Connecticut?

Yes I can.

Go ahead and spell it.

I-T

A priest and his dog walked into a bar.
The priest says, "You didn't see it either?"

Hello, Invisible Man. Nice to see you.

Yesterday I had an accident with liquid nitrogen.
Don't worry I was 0k soon afterwards.

Later that day I swallowed a five dollar bill.
However I will let you all know if there is any change.

So what if I don't know what "apocalypse" means!? It's not the end of the world!

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

When kissing flowers, tulips are better than one.

To Whom It May Concern:

I am searching for you day and night and soon I will find you. And when I do, you and I will go straight to your bed, and I will make you moan and groan and gasp for breath. One minute you'll be hot and sticky and sweating all over, the next minute you'll be shaking and shivering and your teeth will chatter. I will make you roll around under the sheets with every inch of you throbbing, and when I finally do leave you'll be so exhausted you won't have your energy back for days.

All the best, The Flu.

Now get your head out of the gutter, and get yourself a flu shot!

Have you heard the one about the honest politician?

Me neither

I will share one of my awful pun jokes:

What type of response does a great ruler have to a catastrophe? A measured response.

I actually have some pun-based jokes that are decent, but that is not one of them.

Phil Dunphy in Modern Family had some hilariously bad jokes prepared for the Southern California Annual Realtor's Banquet (SCARB).

What do you call a Greek paratrooper?

Condescending.

Q. How many country and western singers does it take to change a light-bulb?

A. Four.

Explanation: One to change the light bulb, and the other three to write a song about it.

Q. How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?

A. It doesn't take any, because they actually prefer to live in the dark.