[POLL] What motivates people to "come out"?

Post Reply New Topic

What motivates people to "come out"? I've often wondered this. If people have a condition that frightens others or they identifies as a controversial type, then why bother letting everyone else know?

So I decided to start a poll to see what other people think. You may select up to 3 options, and you may change your votes.

Thank you.

I've come out to a few close friends in the past, because I figured that them knowing I have AS would be preferable to them thinking I was thick, lazy, immature, or just wilfully difficult.

As it turns out, I wasn't always correct in thinking that, but nonetheless...

Freedom from the anxiety of worrying about what other people may be thinking. Also from the constant draining of mental energy required to conceal whatever it is you're not out about - it can become exhausting.. always watching what you say or do just so others don't realize your secret. So much easier and healthier to simply be "comfortably out" about it.

I didn't fully grasp this until hanging out with my gay best friend and his gay younger brother and the rest of their family. Seeing how they live made me realize how much harder I made things on myself by not being out about it.. it came to a tipping point where I couldn't really stand it anymore and soooo I had that conversation with my immediate family. Dan Savage was right; "It gets better."

I usually come out to people I know well so they can understand me better and know why I act so weird.

I've answered with the three that count for me. One of those was 'other'.

This applied for me as an asexual and will be exactly the same if I'm diagnosed with autism.

- To represent for their kind, and to school others on what it's like: Yep, this is a big thing for me. Whatever my situation in life I'm a very strong, confident person, and I've got a great life. I believe that we need positive role models in the world, and I don't mean to sound arrogant but I think that someone 'like me' could have the potential to help others that are worried what an aspect of them might mean for their future.

- To meet others of their kind: Absolutely, though this is less of a reason. I do my socialising mostly online where it doesn't matter if my 'real life' friends know about certain aspects of me. But, it is easier to talk openly online being comfortable with the prospect of a 'real life' friend finding what I've written.

- Other: This is definitely the biggest reason of all - to be true to myself. I'm an open book and don't hide anything about myself. I'm completely honest. I want people to choose to like me or not to like me based on exactly who I am, not 'who I portray to the world'. There's no act, and I really don't agree with people that put on an act or fake things. I'm not a character in a TV show, I'm a real person.

I think most people do it so they can be themselves and feel like they don't have to hide important aspects of who they are and tell lies or be secretive. When it comes to things like homosexuality, because society for so long tried to make people feel ashamed for being gay, coming out can be a way of denouncing that shame and shaking it off by openly embracing who you are. I think the same idea could be applied to autism, since there is still much stigma and misinformation out there about it--we do it so we can show that we have no shame about being autistic, to prove there is no reason to be ashamed to be autistic. Also, people often can't let go of their prejudices until someone they know personally turns out to be something they are prejudiced against. If you hate on gays but then you find out your favourite cousin/best friend/son or daughter/etc. is gay, it can prompt you to reexamine those prejudices and perhaps set them aside. It's easy to hate a large faceless group of strangers--not so easy to hate on individuals you know and care about.

After all, how can you accept who you are if you can't be honest with people about who you are?

<--- Came out as autistic because he's trying to get government benefits.

<--- Came out as gay because he's trying to get laid.

So that they don't have to pretend they are someone they are not anymore, so that they can just be themselves and live life. Pretending to be someone else wears on a person psychologically over time, which can lead to depression, self-loathing, sometimes suicide, and at the very least it can lead to an unfulfilled, unhappy life.

For people who come out about their sexuality or gender identity, I think they usually do it became they are tired of hiding, and of all the stress associated with it. They just want to be themselves and be accepted for who they are. Thankfully there is more acceptance of LGBT people now and more laws to protect them, so there are more people who are willing to come out.

For non-celebrities who come out about illnesses or other conditions, I think it depends. There isn't always a stigma associated with an illness, like there often is with sexuality or gender identity. So depending on that, the motivations may differ.

For celebrities and other public figures, I think the reasons can be different from those of the average person. Sometimes it may be for a cause, sometimes it may be to call attention to some new project they are working on, and sometimes it may be to revive a stale career. This isn't true in all or even most cases, but celebrities often seem to have really different lives and motivations from the average person.

For something like cancer, Parkinson's disease, multiple sclerosis, etc. one reason could be to raise awareness of the condition. Another reason would be to explain symptoms when they get very bad, or when the person knows that he/she is dying. People may also do it to get financial or emotional support if they are really struggling.

With a condition that is stigmatized, it's often not of benefit for the person to come out, so they may be more likely to hide it if possible, until they feel strongly enough that it's necessary. One obvious case is ASD. I will use myself as an example. I am tired of hiding things, of pretending, and of being misunderstood. I'm tired of people thinking the worst of me and talking about me behind my back. So if I feel fed up enough, I might just say "to hell with it" and start telling people. I'm not quite to that point yet, because I know what people will say and think about me, and it won't be anything good. I might also do it if I felt a need to raise awareness, because it irritates me that adults aren't often recognized as having ASD, and many don't get the support they need to be successful in life. Instead they often get mistreated and blamed for having problems that they can't fix.

Or, being public figures, they might want to publish certain facts about themselves before others more haphazard or less caring about the details get chances to castigate them. In other words, they choose to put forth their version of the facts before others can do so.

^ That makes sense. That idea didn't even occur to me. I'm glad that I'm not a public figure.

I tell people about my past because I'm proud of what I have accomplished, and because I want to educate people about autism.

The parade has been deferred until I actually accomplish something really significant in life.

If having ice cream were an option, I would have picked that.

If only I was brave (or foolish) enough to come out; but I've been "That weird kid" for so long (50+ years), that I have no idea how to handle being "That autistic guy".

It's one thing to have a reputation for being "a little eccentric"; it would be something else entirely to have a reputation for being "mentally ill".

Lol. That made me laugh.

I doubt that I'd ever want a parade, regardless of personal accomplishments.



In your case that makes sense. You are successful in life already, so it may ruin your reputation if you choose to come out.

I wish my reputation was only for being eccentric. Unfortunately, because I started having behavior problems as an adolescent, then began to see a child psychologist, mine is already that I'm mentally ill. Even though I'm not actually mentally ill, that's how the majority of my relatives see me.

People in general already make all sorts of negative assumptions about me because I'm different. Most of them aren't true. It probably wouldn't make that much difference for me to "come out", just give people another reason to talk about me behind my back.

Because they are very tired of pretending to be something they're not. When you're forced to pass as a "normal" person, as in NT or heterosexual or something else socially acceptable, it takes every single bit of mental and emotional energy out of you and you end up exhausted and miserable. It's horrible when you're not allowed to be what you can't help being every day any more than you can help having to need to breath so you don't die.

The parade thing sounds a bit much to me. I just want to be accepted and not treated like a freak, or be judged or trolled or bullied or have to apologize for being who I am. I don't want people to call me a furry just because I draw anthropomorphic cartoon animals. I don't want them to think I'm transgender because I used a female- sounding username on YouTube because everyone knows real wimmenz can't possibly enjoy enjoy watching it. I don't people think I'm a pedo for collecting toys or relating to kids better than other adults. But they don't know know anything about me, so they judge and hate.