Confiding in strangers

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Sometimes me and my family have had a rocky relationship throughout the years.

My mom warned me once "don't confide in strangers about what goes on in our family"

Why is confiding in strangers a bad idea?

Because it's not nice to tell strangers your family's business. It could be embarrassing for your family.

Plus it leads to gossip and gossip causes prejudice and in the end hurts everyone involved.

I have a different opinion.

I can't think of anything that "goes on" within my family that I need to hide. If you need to hide it maybe something is wrong.

I do have terrible family members that do bad things, but when asked, I am open about it and say I don't associate with those jerks, because I don't.

I also think strangers are the best people to talk to. I've had great conversations and moments with people I never saw again. We were able to be completely honest with each other because there was no baggage of previously knowing each other or having to maintain the relationship afterward. Like riding on a plane next to a talkative person. You can choose to engage with that person for that moment and then let it go afterward. Nothing wrong with that. It can be good for you.

I confide in strangers, too. I can identify with what SocOfAutism is saying, actually.

Just don't mention actual names, and it should be okay.

I have a strong opinion on the opposite side, outside of forums and places where you can keep anonymity I think that confiding in strangers is a horrible idea. No one cares to hear your problems and it alienates people, leads to gossip and in the end leads to rejections. Don't tell people how messed up your family is unless you are at least some what anonymous. Every family has skeletons in the closet, its not a matter of if you need to hide it, its bad. Its a matter of it doesn't accomplish anything to tell people details about your life regardless of if its right or wrong.

If you have to confide in anyone then you #1 have boundary issues and you #2 have poor coping skills. If something is bothering you, you need to keep it to yourself and deal with it. I mean I understand if your being abused in the now, then tell someone. However, after the situation is taken care of, there is no sense in harping on the past.

Let it go, do people general tell you about their life of drama? If they do then I recommend getting the hell away from them.

It's not really that you have problems, it's that it's bad form to discuss them, especially with people to whom the problems haev immediate concern. That could just be an english/British thing. It's just not done.

In a society where reputation means something, that behaviour can be damaging. If you state that family members have done something bad, people may label you by association.

Another angle is one of safety and dominance. If one were to confide in someone, passing on privelaged information, that person now has something of worth. They are in a position of power; the information may be sensitive and damaging if made widely know (even just the fact that this information has been communicated could damage a relationship), or it may give that person additional insight and the ability to alter their behaviour to get a more favourable outcome ("insider trading"). Now you may say this is less relevant when talking to strangers... there are people out there who will take any opportunity they can, plus do you know how easy it is to find someone in the digital age? You mention a small yet significant detail, and that could eventually lead to your home address. Highly unlikely, I know, but you wouldn't stand on a high place in a thuderstorm for the same reason (it increases the risk).


Personally I'm just closed off, and confide little in those not incredibly close to me. I am more likely to be open online, where I have more assurance of anonymity.

I don't because I have a very different way of dealing with things than most people do and strangers will often give me advice that would be better for an NT than me. Also thr

I have social anxiety so I fear strangers will make fun of my problems.

My parents really pushed the "don't talk to strangers" message. As a teenager, I was encouraged to never take advice fro, anyone except for family members and close friends.

You guys are too used to living in big places and/or moving a lot. I think that outside the US, confiding in strangers is just not done. It's a real easy way to label yourself as clueless and untrustworthy. People think: "If this person is so free with his family's business, what will happen if I tell him any of mine?".