Create a short story that is as bizarre as you'd like

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Go.

Person inhales, and manages to inhale the entire planet. After spending a few minutes floating in space, they burp it out again and are crowned global head of state.

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It is 2100. Sentient irons have taken over the world, and humanity now exists solely to manufacture clothing and ironing boards for them to iron.

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The Matrix, except reality is a utopia rather than a dystopia, and the people being kept in the Matrix have been banished from the utopia.

A young teenager by a driveway screams and starts violently spazzing out. Then immediately, for whatever reason, a car explodes, and a cat comes out of a mailbox and cuddles up with him and the boy stops spazzing and is alright.

The end.

-LegoMaster2149 (Written on November 27, 2017)

The Boy Who Drank Molten Lava

There once was a boy who drank molten lava.
He died.

The End.

Hillary Clinton is president.

Whenever someone asks me the usual small talk question, "So where are you from?" I tell them it's hard to say because I've been born in so many places, due to my past and even future lives. And then I explain all about my reincarnations and how a lot of my past lives were pretty boring and uneventful, but I had some pretty cool or memorable ones like, when I was an axe-welding female barbarian in Ancient Greece, and another time I was a swashbuckling pirate captain who fought my way through a school of sharks with my bare hands. And sometime around the year 2099 I'll be the first human legally allowed to marry a robot. Our honeymoon will actually be on a moon.

Unfortunately, before I get to finish our conversation most people suddenly tell me they have a sick relative they have to go and visit. Or that they will have a sick relative when they tell them about what I just said.

There once was a bizarre story about a chemist, the story was so bizarre that everyone died. But the chemist jumped out of the bizarre story and brought everyone back to life with a solution that was toxic to all other life on earth, so everyone starved to death and the chemist jumped back into the bizarre story to survive. In the year 5123 the martians saw that there was no activity on earth and went to check it out. They found the bizarre story and brought it back with them. They couldn’t read English so there was martian anarchy and they all died. The chemist decided to stay in the story this time.

The End.

Person 1: Did you here about the guy who modified his AC unit to get to -273C?
Person 2: No I didn’t, is he okay?
Person 1: Yes he is 0K.
Person 2: Wow, so he must be getting some kind of prize for his achievement.
Person 1: Yeah, they are presenting it at his funeral.
Person 2: Wait, I thought you you said he was okay!
Person 1: He is, oh wait you’re not from around here. In the south zero is O. He is zero K.
Person 2: Oh. So he’s dead right?
Person 1: Yes.

Some time in a house somewhere, a man flushed a toilet. The toilet flushed and flushed, but it wouldn't stop. The man decided to go for a walk and see if the toilet will have stopped flushing when he came back. When he got back to check on the toilet, he accidentally tripped on his foot and fell face-first into the toilet bowl. The toilet, which was still flushing, flushed harder than ever. It sucked his head right off of his body with a gurgle. Blood from his body spilled into the toilet bowl like a wine bottle pouring red wine into a goblet.

All of a sudden, the toilet stopped flushing, but the man's blood was still spilling into it. Then, the body ran out of blood, so red slowly receded into the hole at the bottom of the toilet bowl. The toilet tank's lid trembled once, twice, and then it flew off onto the floor, smashing into a thousand pieces. A pale head floated out of the toilet tank. It was the man's head.

The head floated to the little window and rammed against it with such force that the glass shattered. The head had a gash on it, but of course, it wasn't bleeding, for there was no blood left in its veins. It smiled and floated out the window.

It was the brightest time of the day outside. The head spotted a fat man taking a stroll. It floated silently next to the man and licked his fat arm. He turned around and looked at the head and paled. He opened his mouth and made noises, but they were not words. Meanwhile, the place where the head had licked him was melting onto the ground. The fat man's eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he collapsed onto the ground.

Moments later, the fat man' s body melted into a red puddle, but his fat head, thought drained of blood, remained untouched. The fat head floated up to the other head and furrowed his brows in anger. The other head smiled nervously.

Some time later, two pale heads lay dead on the ground. Someone called the police to investigate this case. The police were baffled. One police man found a headless body in the toilet. He put the body aside for the moment and flushed the toilet.

It flushed and flushed.

Once there was a man whose house burned down and he ended up in the hospital with 2nd and 3rd degree burns.
What's really ironic is that the fire was started by one of those lavender scented stress-relief candles.

@248RPA how perfectly morbid, you should write creepypasta or write something creepy and put in an email chain just to mess with people. Haha just joking about the email thing, it could end up tracked back to you so if you are the reasonably paranoid type like me, you probably shouldn’t do that
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There once was a man from Nantucket
He fell and landed in a bucket
The bucket was small
It was a big fall
So the man from Nantucket
Lived in the bucket

The end

There's the white lady, the black lady, the red lady, and the girl scout.
Sorry prison woman and the lady in a hazmat suit, there's a bunch of blueberries and grapes as your consolation.

"Freeze!!" Said the police woman. "I'd like to take those blueberries and arrest the convicted lady. Thank you."

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

There are so many children in the world now that this year Santa has decided that instead of just bringing gifts to the good boys and girls, he is going to slip condoms and birth control pills under the adults' pillows. Then his job will be easier, and there will be less bad and bratty kids that parents will be forced to raise in the world. Everyone wins.

Happy Holidays!

I inadvertently posted a bizarre story by telling you what I do irl, btw no flashlights allowed on my little adventures, coyotes don’t have flashlights