Every time I wake

Post Reply New Topic

Every time I wake, about 4 times a day, I'm enraged. Usually remembering some outrageous event when I should have bopped somebody on the noggin but didn't. Today it was train attendants - very rude - they wanted a tip but i was young and didn't know that.

Ah - I just noticed - it's about money. I'm bankrupt until May. And I'm a shopaholic. I still spend my on-line time shopping in European museums, ogling things I can't have. It's exactly like when I was a little kid ogling the Christmas Catalogue - wanting it all with all my heart but we were poor. There would be something wrapped under the tree but it might be something handed down from a cousin.

When I grew up and got a job and a pay-cheque bigger than my father's, I took over the household. I remember standing on the sidewalk in front of our first-floor balcony, swearing (silently) an oath that my mother would never suffer abuse again, and I would never lack for anything again. I threw my father out and became a shopaholic.

Now I'm old, disabled, bankrupt and enraged every time I wake.

Oh, Claradoon, that sounds frustrating beyond all reason. I'm so sorry.

(Edit in: I can think of nothing to suggest at this moment that you probably haven't already thought of - and I do not want to seem patronizing. So for the moment I offer my serious sympathy, but I'll hold off on suggesting anything.)

Stuff crowding in on you at the moment you wake up. Sometimes happens to me too. I get up, check I'm still alive, do a basic check that any body parts haven't dropped off in the night... then I have something to eat, a cup of coffee and re-assess everything.
More seriously, I assume it's related to anxiety, and sometimes I'm more anxious than others.
Hope you feel better soon.