Divorce My Relative, Divorce the Entire Family...

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A male cousin ("by blood") who has helped me out on a few occasions was recently divorced. The split left his ex with the house and much of their joint property in lieu of any "Spousal Support" or alimony from him. I'm helping him out now and then by spotting him some cash until he gets back on his feet, since he's always been good about paying it back -- no worries there.

Now the ex has run into some financial problems of her own. She was recently laid off, and won't be able to make the tax payment on the house. She doesn't want to get rid of the boat, the lot up at the lake, or any of the heirloom furniture that came with the house.

Instead, she has declared the she thinks I should help her out, too.

There is no legal reason why I should help her out (my lawyers verified this), and she has no disabilities that I am aware of -- other than a big mouth and an over-reaching sense of entitlement. -- and I've told her so.

She has started posting on line that I am cheap, stingy, mean, and completely indifferent to her plight.

(Yeah, but what's her point? )

I don't get it. She divorced my cousin, yet she somehow thinks that *I* owe her an income. What causes some people to believe that the world owes them a living?

You don't have any obligation to help her out.

She seems to be managing just fine by the sound of it.

Run a means test on her!

Wouldn't it be ironic if the IRS forecloses on the property, and my cousin just happens to have the cash on hand to buy everything back at auction?

Yup it would...

If you're actually Warren Buffett or Jack Nicholson in real life I could understand her point...

Never heard of a cousin's ex passing hints like that!

It's not like that at all. They live in central lower Michigan, near Weidman. I live in southern California ... you know ... where everybody has a swimming pool, owns a yacht, drives a limo, and lives next-door to a movie star...

... not.

Maybe because you were once family and the divorce shouldn't change your relationship with her ? i.e. if you help your cuz you should should help her too

I've seen it a few times where people see blood relatives as more important than non blood relatives. I don't think I'm alone in seeing a blood relative as any more special than than a non blood relative if the relationship is good - maybe I am ?

That makes no sense. The words "were once family" means "not family now" -- and that's all that matters.

"Not Family" == "No Handouts"

Besides, our relationship hasn't changed; I never liked her, and she knows it.

Aha I get the picture, she has this movie and TV-inspired vision of California being a perfect bubble world like The Dubai shopping district or the palace on Naboo...

That was to be taken with a pinch of salt I didn't really think you were one of "them"....

It makes sense that if you liked her while they were still married, you'd feel different. If you never got on with her that explains it. If you found her likeable you would think about helping her.

If I married a woman with a kid and raised that kid then divorced the woman , it would not stop me helping that kid even if technically they were no longer related.



Forget what i said then , it can't be that then.

No kids between them. They're in their early 50s.

Perhaps it is my midwestern upbringing, but I was certainly taught blood ties are supposed to be stronger than relationships by marriage.

I support Fnord's decision. You have no obligation to assist your ex-cousin's wife. As to the question Why she would think you might give her money?...there is a reason you didn't like her and this kind of selfishness might be one of the reasons.

Well there is the saying 'blood is thicker than water' but that comes from an earlier saying meaning the opposite "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

That's "cousin's ex-wife", but yeah to all the rest.

A fairly typical error on my part, I am afraid. Getting my words mixed up.

The woman seems delusional to me Fnord. It's very understandable why your cousin & her are divorced.