When Women Say They Are "Overwhelmed and confused".

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15 Sep 2018, 11:05 am

I have come to notice that there are some terms women use that I have never heard men use, one of them being "I feel so overwhelmed and confused."

Men may occasionally say they are overwhelmed but more often seem to use the word "stressed" and I have never observed men couple either of these words with the word "confused" in the fashion that I have seen women do.

Frequently, when I hear women use the phrase in question, I understand why she would be overwhelmed, but I often don't understand why she is confused, because the situation is usually one in which she has received some straight forward information. Thus, I have concluded that she is likely not actually confused in any conventional sense, and I think it would be in the better interest of women to stop using the term "confused" in a non literal manner as I believe it only works to make them appear as if they don't understand the trivial when they probably do, and thus represents self subjugation to stereotypes that women are less intelligent.

That is all.

SaveFerris
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15 Sep 2018, 11:30 am

Can you give an example of 'situation is usually one in which she has received some straight forward information'

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Chronos
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15 Sep 2018, 12:35 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

Can you give an example of 'situation is usually one in which she has received some straight forward information'

Most often this seems to follow the news of a diagnosis of some type. I have observed some women here use the phrase when they or a family member have been diagnosed with an ASD, even if they suspected that they or the person was on the spectrum and sought out the evaluation. But I have also heard women apply it in more vague circumstances such as life stressors, in which case it just seems to be tacked on to "overwhelmed" as a matter of syntax.

Here is an example from Reddit.

Example from Reddit wrote:

I'm a first time mom, and I JUST discovered I am pregnant a few days ago. We are thrilled! I'm quite a type A planner, so I went to Target today to at least take a first look at baby stuff. Husband suggested we print a random baby registry just to see what's on one. Holy STUFF, batman! I understand the need for basics, and I want nothing but the best for my baby, but do I really need a Pack and Play, a baby swing, and a bunch of baby gyms? I will buy anything baby needs, and I'm not opposed to getting some "unnecessary" items if they'll make our lives better.

However, I'm a firm believer that having a minimal amount of stuff leads to a happier life. Less to clean. More space in the home. Better for the earth. Not to mention that babies born 100 years ago (or even 30 years ago) didn't have nearly as much "stuff"

I am willing to spend more for higher quality items. I plan to breastfeed exclusively until at least 6 months. I have no interest in cloth diapers because I think they sound like too much icky work. All that said, can someone direct me to a minimalist list of items that encompasses the things we really need for the baby?

Also, any "extras" that you can recommend that are not necessities, but make life a ton easier would also be interesting to hear about!

I feel so overwhelmed and confused right now!

Yes, pregnancy and the propects of becoming a parent can feel overwhelming...but what is she confused about?

It might initially seem that she is confused about what to buy but she really just disagrees that everything on the list she and her husband printed out is really necessary, and believes she can take a more minimalist approach to it.

BTDT
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15 Sep 2018, 12:47 pm

Gaslighting.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... aslighting

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relation ... ght-women/
20 Situations in Which a Man Tends to “Gaslight” a Woman (To Get Her to Think She’s Crazy)

"gaslighting” — a tactic men use so often to silence their partner’s voice and influence, it seems automatic (to both the gaslighter and the gaslightee).

Last edited by BTDT on 15 Sep 2018, 12:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

SaveFerris
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15 Sep 2018, 12:48 pm

In the diagnosis example it sounds like a type of denial rather than confusion.

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SaveFerris
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15 Sep 2018, 12:55 pm

Chronos wrote:

It seems that the mum-2-be is not 100% sure of her minimalist theory - well thats my take

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15 Sep 2018, 1:02 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

Chronos wrote:

It seems that the mum-2-be is not 100% sure of her minimalist theory - well thats my take

In any case, I believe her use of the word "confused" deviates somewhat from the conventional meaning.

Chronos
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15 Sep 2018, 1:05 pm

BTDT wrote:

Perhaps there is or once was some relation to gas lighting but I believe most women who use the phrase in question use it because they have seen or heard other women use it in similar situations or mental states.

hurtloam
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15 Sep 2018, 1:29 pm

I think that they mean they are feeling mixed emotions, rather than they are mentally confused.

Raleigh
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15 Sep 2018, 1:52 pm

Overwhelmed and confused = they don't know what to do.
They might be feeling a range of emotions, so...emotionally confused.
They are asking for comfort/help.

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SaveFerris
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15 Sep 2018, 5:05 pm

Chronos wrote:

SaveFerris wrote:

Chronos wrote:

It seems that the mum-2-be is not 100% sure of her minimalist theory - well thats my take

In any case, I believe her use of the word "confused" deviates somewhat from the conventional meaning.

Apart from the garden variety misogynist how many people do you think would read that post and think women are less intelligent ?

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Chronos
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15 Sep 2018, 9:00 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

Chronos wrote:

SaveFerris wrote:

Chronos wrote:

It seems that the mum-2-be is not 100% sure of her minimalist theory - well thats my take

In any case, I believe her use of the word "confused" deviates somewhat from the conventional meaning.

Apart from the garden variety misogynist how many people do you think would read that post and think women are less intelligent ?

I think it just perpetuates the negative stereotype at a quasi subliminal level.

CockneyRebel
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15 Sep 2018, 10:46 pm

I think that they like to say that to make themselves look like bimbos and they seem to enjoy playing dumb. I say that because most women don't like to intimidate men.

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15 Sep 2018, 11:05 pm

The definition of confused is being “unable to think clearly”. The definition of overwhelmed is to “to overcome completely in mind or feeling”.

I can see how being overwhelmed can lead to confusion. For example, if someone is given a lot of information to study for a test, they may become overwhelmed and can’t think clearly during the test. This would be confusion.

Not sure why you’re limiting this to females only because I hear everyone of all genders say this.

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16 Sep 2018, 4:54 am

GummyDinosaur wrote:

Perhaps you have heard everyone of all genders say this. However I have observed it to be almost an exclusively female phrase.

lostonearth35
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16 Sep 2018, 10:41 am

Of course this is only limited to females. We women are all evil. Whenever I see a man suffer it delights me,
and so I LAUGH! Mu ha ha ha ha haaaaa! :twisted:

*sigh*

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