Probably find the closest knife and stab it right through my subclavical arteries. I've promised myself that I can do that once my parents are no longer around to miss me, if I'm still alive. Even when I thought I had reason to live, that I might actually do some good in the world, I've always thought that in any sort of apocalyptic event where most of the human population was wiped out, I'd want to be one of the ones who died, not a survivor.
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"