What's the weirdest complaint you've received?

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My neighbour complained that I was chopping vegetables too loudly.

^ I'm guessing you weren't using a manual clunker.

A roommate treating to sue me for allegedly hacking into his computers, because he can’t get fast access to the network. Granted, i’ve Been hogging network access lately, but inly because I updated my iPhone and iPad to iOS 12 (which is 3 GB for each device), and upgraded my 2009 Mac Pro to Mojave beta and Mojave General Release (6GB for each). Until recently, i was connecting both iPhone and iPad to the house’s WiFi to stream KUSC—Los Angeles, as well some video on YouTube at night. Then again, cable and internet is via Comcast, which sucks. I don’t even use the Mac Pro that much, since it’s a power hog.

While I could probably figure out who’s devices are on the local network by logging onto the router configuration and see who’s who via their IP address, I don’t bother because 1) it’s none of my business and 2) I don’t have access to their machines (which are either Windows-PC’s or Android devices.

I’ve since turned off WiFi on my iPhone and iPad and use cellular only, and have had to use the hotspot option on both my iPhone 7+ and iPad Pro 10.5 in. (Sprint limits Wifi hotspots to 10 GB per device per month.). Even with me off the network, he’s still accusing me of hacking his machines. I feel like the Pedophile that lived here a couple of years ago is back: I’m having panic attacks again. I have to let everyone have access to my room (the den) since the laundry is located here. He’s also had it in for me, since he’s already experienced a common Aspie trait: the stare. I even told him when he moved in that I was ASD. People wonder while I had my old room in this place why I locked myself in my room, and seldom came out, except to go to the bathroom, make my meals, do grocery shopping, go to church and go to the doctor?

The high school English teacher told me that I was writing too loudly

A stranger told me that I was eating too loudly

Someone complained to my landlord that my GF & I were arguing. He came round and asked if we could argue more quietly next time

I was at a "New Age Spiritual Faire", looking for quartz crystals and other gift ideas. A stranger walks up to me and says, "My partner wants you to stop drawing down his energy." Then she explained that her partner was trying to perform readings, and that he had become distracted the moment I'd walked in.

Putting on my best Darth Vader voice, I told her that her partner and I had unfinished business from a past life, and that unless he atoned for his negative karma, realigned his chakrae with his true natal chart, and stopped pretending to be something that he wasn't, the cold light my soul was emitting would continue to darken his sight and prevent him from servicing his clients.

He packed up and left in less than 20 minutes.

... turnabout really IS faire play...

My last neighbour complained that I was interfering with his TV reception , owned all the cars in the street , had the police in my pocket , would scream through the walls 'when are you c***s movings' to my GF when I wasn't in.

One day when I parked outside my house he jumped out of his front door and called my GF a c**t , I told him to call me whatever he wanted but not to speak to my GF like that , he then ran at me grabbed by the throat and tried to throttle me. I used a judo throw and I ended up on top of him in the middle of the street. From out of nowhere two plain closed police officers ( looked like junkies ) starting screaming at me to leave him alone and saying they were police , I told them to f**k off but they flashed their badges.

They tried to imply I attacked him and had seen the whole incident which clearly they hadn't. The police placated the neighbour and took him home as he was elderly , they came out of his house looking quite ill regarding the state of his house.

2 days later he pulled a knife on my other neighbour who unfortunately had the same name as me. Armed police turned up and kicked his front door in but he was out at the shops. He never came back to his house and we moved.

When I house managed the Salt Lake County Fine Arts symphony venue, Abravanel Hall, a guest conductor with the Utah Symphony walked off the stage because one of my ushers had opened a whisper-quiet door just as he lofted his baton causing a momentary streak of intentionally dimmed light to flash across some members of the audience. Now, the ushers are instructed to check the audience every so often if only to monitor the audience for video recording, smoking or disruptions. So, he was expecting more than he got.

My guess is that the guest conductor considered Salt Lake City as if it were "Farmville, USA" and expected better accommodations despite the venue being named the most technologically and acoustically perfect performance venue in the world at the time it was built in the 1980s.

As manager, I thanked him for his concerns ... and considered his complaint for exactly three seconds.

A former neighbor complained that there was noise coming from a room in our apartment, preventing them from sleeping. There was no one in said room and no equipment making sounds either. Came up at almost midnight to complain about it. To make it even more fun, they would run their loud washing machine until 1 a.m. and even later, and they always stomped a lot when walking in their apartment and talked loudly so they were heard everyday. I never "saw" them after that.


Another former neighbor seemed okay until we got a puppy. Then she heard every single sound from our apartment, and she even managed to complain that our pup had urinated on the kitchen side veranda and it had leaked down to hers. That's a very good feat of my then pup, I had no idea she was able to unlock doors herself. That veranda was always locked because we seldom used it.


A Norwegian teacher complained about my writing being too small. (A boy in my class mumbled that maybe she ought to wear glasses!)

I had a substitute teacher in high school yell at me for my pencil being too short (it wasn't even affecting my writing at all). Of course, the same substitute also yelled at someone else in the class for sneezing. I sure hope he was just grumpy because he was having a bad day or something, and not always like this.

One of my teachers would chew me out for glancing at my watch or even yawning. I used to have to force myself not to yawn, and it was nearly impossible.

You're too nice

At work, someone complained to my supervisor that I had sat on the floor.
This was in the lunch room, out of view of clients, on my own time, at my bottom row locker, out of everyone's way, where I was checking my phone for a whole 3 minutes.