When You Give Someone Something Is It Still Yours?

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When You Give Someone Something Is It Still Yours?
Yes 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
No 100%  100%  [ 11 ]
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TUF
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24 Dec 2018, 6:56 am

Me and my stepdad are debating this. He gave me a microwave to use at mine. He comes and uses without permission because we live next door and I don't always lock my door.
I think it's my property and he should ask.
I think we're both aspie, he has a lot of autistic traits and I'm diagnosed.
He does the same thing with presents and other things he gives to people. Sometimes he even sells things that are presents. The only sort of property he understands is 'who bought it'.
I think if you give someone something to borrow this needs to be made clear from the outset. He doesn't think I'm borrowing the microwave but he can't understand that it isn't his anymore.



questor
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24 Dec 2018, 8:50 pm

If you give something to someone, it's theirs, unless you made it clear that it's just a loan. However, in that event, don't be surprised if they forget it's a loan, and think it's a permanent gift. Best to consider that anything you give to someone is a permanent gift.

As for someone coming over to use something that they gave to you, if the time isn't inconvenient, don't make a big deal out of it, but if it's not a good time, or you are not at home, or just don't want company, for Pete's sake, LOCK YOUR DOOR! If they have a spare key, and keep dropping in against your wishes, change the locks, and DON'T GIVE THEM A SPARE KEY!

Stop arguing with your stepdad. Just lock your door, and let him know when local stores are having sales on microwaves. If you can afford one of your own, buy one, and give the other one back to your stepdad.


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24 Dec 2018, 9:00 pm

questor wrote:
If you give something to someone, it's theirs, unless you made it clear that it's just a loan. However, in that event, don't be surprised if they forget it's a loan, and think it's a permanent gift. Best to consider that anything you give to someone is a permanent gift.

As for someone coming over to use something that they gave to you, if the time isn't inconvenient, don't make a big deal out of it, but if it's not a good time, or you are not at home, or just don't want company, for Pete's sake, LOCK YOUR DOOR! If they have a spare key, and keep dropping in against your wishes, change the locks, and DON'T GIVE THEM A SPARE KEY!

Stop arguing with your stepdad. Just lock your door, and let him know when local stores are having sales on microwaves. If you can afford one of your own, buy one, and give the other one back to your stepdad.


Mum wants a new one to go with their new house/kitchen. It's a hand-me-down ten year old one and they want a new one but won't go and get it.
He struggles with this for everything he gives me or mum or even people outside the family if he can get hold of the stuff. Once he gave mum a Christmas gift and sold it afterwards without her permission.
I think I might buy one anyway if I find a new one cheaply enough. (I'm on ESA)
I told them tonight that they can use it so long as it isn't inconvenient to me. But he has this habit for everything... One day he'll probably take something back from someone who he isn't closely related to and get in trouble for it. Everyone's letting him get away with it at the moment.
The form of ownership he respects is who paid for it. But he wouldn't let me buy anything off him.



nick007
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25 Dec 2018, 10:34 pm

From watching court shows I know 1ce you give somebody something it is theirs, even if it's an engagement ring or wedding ring you gave & the realtionship is over for whatever reason.


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26 Dec 2018, 12:21 am

This is from the Merriam-webster dictionary

Quote:
something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation.


It's pretty clear. Ownership is transferred to the person you give the gift to. Once you give a gift, you do not own it.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gift



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26 Dec 2018, 4:43 am

Thanks for this legal stuff. I think he'll find it more convincing than just the (NT-style?) argument of 'well, normally people expect that if you give them a present it belongs to them' which is more based on feelings and social expectation than anything written in law or a dictionary.
At the moment, his argument is what he assumes is a legal one of 'I'm the purchaser so it's mine'.
His argument is also pretty convenient because we don't want the stuff we give him. Perhaps the lesson here is, don't give away stuff that you still want or need.
I'll talk to him at a calm time, though. Not just after it's been brought up. Because that just leads to 'arguing in stereo' as he calls it. I don't think he likes being ganged up on.



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26 Dec 2018, 5:39 am

I figure you're from the UK as you call your mother Mum, not Mom.

It might help to look up some info on www.gov.uk

The law may be differently worded depending on whether you are in England, Scotland or Wales.

Gifting is quite an interesting thing in law because it is exempt from tax. If you gift your house to your children and die within 7 years they don't pay inheritance tax. In the law's eyes it is their house, not yours.

My parents gifted me some money towards my mortgage deposit and had to sign a legal document saying that it was a gift and not a loan, so that my mortgage lender knew that they would not expect me to pay it back.



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28 Dec 2018, 6:38 pm

Thanks.