Favorite internet warnings

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Joined: 3 Jul 2006
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24 Sep 2009, 9:18 am

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"The cordial quality of pear or plum
Rises as gladly in the single tree
As in the whole orchards resonant with bees."
- Emerson

Last edited by MrMark on 26 Sep 2009, 7:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Cyberman
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24 Sep 2009, 9:26 am

MrMark wrote:

That's quite an eldritch, obscene, ghastly (to use Lovecraftian terms) post for a moderator... :lol:

MrMark
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24 Sep 2009, 9:44 am

Retired.

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"The cordial quality of pear or plum
Rises as gladly in the single tree
As in the whole orchards resonant with bees."
- Emerson

Starrsy
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24 Sep 2009, 12:37 pm

I couldnt get screens, but i found a website of stupid electronic warnings. and warnings for everythings else in fact.

Anyway, computing stupid warnings.

1. Keyboard not detected. press F1 to continue.
- Various computers.

2.This camera will only work when the film is inside.
- Unknown european camera.

3.On page 4 you will find: to place or answer a call, lift the handset
To place a call, dial the desired number.
to end the call, hang up the handset
The gem of page 4: to put the call on hold, press "HOLD"
-Lucent technologies model 6210 Telephone

4. Press "STORE" to store.
-Yamaha Pro-Mix 01 Mixing Desk LCD Display

5.Do not attempt to stick head inside deck, which may cause injury.
- Japanese GameCube Instruction manual

LOL! theres a lot more, but i cant be assed to type them

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Averick
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24 Sep 2009, 12:43 pm

LOL!

One-Winged-Angel
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25 Sep 2009, 8:06 am

Starrsy wrote:

For indoor and outdoor use only.
-Christmas lights

Not to be used for the other use.
-Japanese food processor

Do not attempt to stop chain with hand or genitals.
-Chainsaw

For external use only.
-Curling iron

Please keep out of children.
-Butcher knife

For use on animals only.
-Cattle prod

For use by trained personnel only.
-Air freshener

Fragile. Do not drop.
-Boeing 757

Do not iron clothes on body.
-Rowenta iron

Do not drive or operate machinery.
-Cough medicine for children aged 4 and under

Do not use orally after using rectally.
-Thermometer

Not dishwasher safe.
-Remote control

Do not drive cars in ocean.
-Car commercial

Always drive on roads. Not on people.
-Car commercial

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Tim_Tex
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25 Sep 2009, 8:09 am

Do not eat.
--the warnings in those silica packets that come with new pairs of shoes.

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DeaconBlues
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25 Sep 2009, 10:22 am

It's not a real warning, or even a "real" fictional warning, but it's a great quote from an old Television Without Pity post.

In the third season of the new Battlestar Galactica, in the episode "Exodus Pt. II", there was a scene in which Adm. Adama, in order to get past the Cylon pickets around New Caprica and rescue the settlers, jumped the Galactica directly into the atmosphere of the planet, where it plummeted toward the ground like the flaming fist of the gods, spitting Vipers all the way, then jumping back out again about twenty seconds or so before impact.

Quote:

I'm fairly certain that voids the hell out of the warranty. I'm fairly certain there's little red and yellow stickers on the underside of Galactica that say: "Warning, Do Not Plow Into Some Planet's Unsuspecting Stratosphere Like The World's Grimmest And Most Heavily Armored Fat Kid Jumping Into A Pool Full Of People He Hates Screaming Cannonball With A Grenade In His Teeth, Yeah, We're Talking To You Adama, 'Cause Jesus Christ."

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dossa
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25 Sep 2009, 10:54 pm

MrMark wrote:

That is beautiful.

Henriksson
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26 Sep 2009, 5:50 am

These terrorist warning signs, obviously. :lol:

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Wombat
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26 Sep 2009, 7:10 am

This is almost worth making a poll.

I would be willing to bet that a large percentage of us messed up Nerds know who Cthulhu and Lovecraft are, but I would also bet that not one NT in a thousand would get the joke.

Who_Am_I
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26 Sep 2009, 8:13 am

Henriksson wrote:

These terrorist warning signs, obviously. :lol:

That page made me laugh out loud.

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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I

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