Why I Can't Be Autistic. To Jan 2024: I Am On The Spectrum!

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Don't worry. I am fine. I have been waiting for years to work things out but only the last few years people suggested asperges. I was trying to work out the energy loss which I have been getting since I was about seven. Before that age I used to get temper tantrums, so maybe it shifted from that to energy loss. (My dad used to tell me off and I stopped with the tempers when I was about six. I frightened myself when even though I was young, a girl played with my toys and I was told I almoat killed her as I crashed a metal rollerskate on her head. After that I have never really lost my temper but have had these energy loss situations. It is only lately that I have worked it out that one started when the other stopped).

I had energy loss twice today and am in a semi state of recovery. Last night I went to bed early, and my mu was concerned and she woke to check I was ok at just short of 0300am. then I was awake until 0500am when I went back to sleep. An online friend of mine whi has bipolar seems to stay awake at night and sleep in the day. He lives in Ireland. He likes my wierd jokes. I mean... I just say something just slightly funny but not really funny and sometimes a year or two later he remembers it as he thought it was hillarious. Things like ""Woof" said the snail as it chased the postman down the path" and "Ahoy! said Captain Birdseye as he sailed the seven peas".

You could call in and have a biscuit and some tea. I don't drink tea myself. Coffee is ok, but I tend to go for water or cola. Cola helps with recovery sometimes (But not all the time. It didn't work yesterday!), but normally I have water.

I would not want you to do a lot of travelling so is better just to say the next time you happen to pass by...


One thing that I have recently thought about is though not often I get it, but it happened the night before last where I felt what I describe as claustrophobic in the mind. Is rare when it happens, but it had never occurred to me what it is until two nights ago when I had it again. It is only now I am analysing things (As when it has happened before I have not thought about when it happens and why etc) that before and after the event I seem to get more energy loss situations, but the claustrophobic brain feeling I seem to have energy so is different. Actually quite a bit of energy. It's like I am very active in my mind when my body is not. I tend to naturally be quite mind active at night anyway.
Anyway. I'd better press the submit button before I type another essay. I have just deleted half of it as I am always writing too much.

I live in the Middle East so won't be popping in any time soon!
Keep well!

Middle East. You mean Birmingham?

Yes. I will keep well.

Mountain Goat, Eretz HaKodesh is Hebrew for the Holy Land.

Thanks Jimmy M.

Just summerizing a few symptoms just to get my head round this.. Some of which only now with thought come to light...

* Five times now in just the last few years it has been sugbested by four different people in complete isolation that they thought I may have asperges. Two were convinced I had it.
* I do tend to avoid direct eye contact. I don't really know why except when someone was angry and insisted I did it I found that it was difficult to tell what they said.
* I also sometimes "Stare into space" with nothing on my mind. Not normally for that long. Is like those stop/start engines...
* I sometimes fidgit with my hands when nurvous.
* I don't like crowded rooms. I feel on edge in crowded places.
* I am a bit of a "Missfit" in that I find it difficult to fit in. I can do it but I'd rather not, as it does not come naturally.
* I tend to stick to the same hobbies which are few but there's not a lot I don't know about them. I mean, there are in depth things in certain aspects of the hobby I am less interested in, but I know roughly what they are and what they do. Other aspects I go in deep.
* I used to collect and collect in regards to my hobbies. Something which I have had to cut back on in recent years as things start to deteriate, as I can't look after everything!
* I am very different to most even in the hobbies I have. I do my own thing.
* I am not very good at two way conversations unless I can latch onto a subject which usually relates to one of my hobbies. I am often told off by my mother for being impolite in that if someone asks me something I will reply where my Mum says I should ask them something back (But I can't think of anything to ask!).
* In my very early years up to about the age six, I used to get real tempers. Fortunately my dad corrected me with discipline. Approximately from the age of seven onwards I didn't get tempers at all though naturally I sometimes got anoyed, but it wasn't the same as I used to get. However, instead I started to get energy loss situations, and the older I am getting with the more external stresses I am getting in life, the more energy loss situations I am having. Is there a possible link between the two? Or is it just that I became more disciplined? (I was more likely to mope rather then become angry after that age).
* At night before I can sleep my brain is rather active. While some of my best ideas come at this time, occasionally (Though actually rare though I had it two nights ago after I had a shock about the HST's no longer entering Paddington which basically means they are being withdrawn so is like a HUGE no going back change in history) I get a type of horrible claustrophobic feeling in my mind where my mind is evaluating things... Often past things, where I then sometimes do something stupid if I don't stop myself. (Like attempting to correct a past wrong I have done but the other person has long moved on as this is many years later and I can cause far more harm then good). The claustrophobic feeling sometimes slowly builds up. Often after I have made an attempt to change the past the feeling subsides. I have noticed that yesterday after I had such an event that I was going to bed much earlier and I had had a few energy loss situations earlier that day. Oh. And yesterday morning we had a big event on which I had been worrying about from the night before. The actual morning of the event I had a big drop in energy whicn nothing sugary helped at all, and all I could do for about half an hour was to lie down on a public bench until it subsided. Luckily we were quite early for the event.
* I get prosoprognosia issues. Also used to get it with mirrors. Sometimes I forget what I look like. I remember where I stood in old school photographs to know where I am.
* In school and in college I was very shy and withdrawn and would hardly speak. I was known as a daydreamer!
* I am very much a visual thinker. I don't know a lot about how I think but I do know I am often dreaming up model railway waggon designs and re-designing them over a period of many months or years before I actully build them or decide to record thsm on paper. I really enjoy the mental processes involved!
* I do not like wearing anything tight. I try to wear loose fitting clothes. I rip off the labels of any undergarments or the labels of any clothes that touch my skin. Cutting the labels does not work as it leaves an irritating piece which can't be removed.
* I hate having hair cuts done anywhere outside of home. I get so itchy if a single hair gets on my clothes...Straight after a hair cut (Which I will usually strip down to wear underpants and a teeshirt even if it is freezing winter weather) I have to soak in the bath, even if there is no hot water available. The clothes I had the hair cut in are normally washed at least twice though sometimes three times before I will wear them, and even then before I wear them (And any other clothes in the same wash) I will need to study them for hairs which could irritate my skin.
* I used to hate loud bangs and people shouting etc. I did melloow a bit from this when I worked on the railways due to the many sudden shocks I had from passing trains at speed. However, over ten years since I was on the railway ths loud noises I am not keen on again. Especially sudden loud noises like bangs.
* I used to as a child hate to see swings moving on their own after children had jumped off. I would want to stop them all from moving. Even today if something like an electric circular saw is moving with no one near it I will turn it off (Even if nothing is there to cause a problem and the user is fairly close. I am terribly safety concious.
* I am petrified of fire and hot things. I am half thinking I need to marry a smoker so she can deal with hot things as she will be used to it, so I will have an excuse not to light fires for heating etc! I will however, being very careful, use a soldering iron which is very neccessary for wiring and other things to do witn model railways. I take great pride that I have made my own track from soldering rails to home cut PCB sleepers for my 7mm narrow gauge partially completed model railroad.
* I am so nurvous at using certain machines I don't use them as I have such a visual mind of what could happen if I slipped with one that I don't do certain things.
* I twice tried a simple online test wirh a gapmof about two or three years. The first time I was just boarderline of beingnon the spectrum. The second one I tried about two weeks ago and had a score of 41 out of 50. Should I be worried? How accurate are those basic tests anyway?

Why I may not be on the spectrum.

* No one in the family has it though if I have it my Mum has it as she thinks like me also shareing faceblindness etc.
* It would have been picked up in school. In primary school one child was removed to a special school because of autism, but nothing was said about me despite I was very quiet and withdrawn.
" Other then the energy loss situations which prevent me from working when I get them, and at the moment I get them at least twice a day if not more then that... Other then those and that I prefer to work behind the scenes and due to energy loss, I can only work part time limited hours, and other then being extremely nurvous when I will go for a job i terview (Took me a few hours before I could go in last time as I had to abandon the plan, drive off ad come back when I had calmed down... hence the few hours). Other then that I don't get many issues apart from the occasional faceblindness issue... Oh. And when I get energy loss or am recovering from energy loss, my ability to ear is ok but to make sense of what I hear is not ok. Needs repeating a few times...
* When I am calm and cool I am a very efficient worker. Especially when I was working right next to the large air conditioning unit as its constant sound shut out all destractions, so all my concentration was going on assembling or repairing the bicycles!
* I know this sounds aweful, but at the moment I can't think of any other reasons except I don't seem to get meltdowns/shutdowns etc. I need to have a bit more of a think and get back to this side of things.

Just signed back in after logging out to put this.

I just can't think of anything to put that makes me seem normal. I mean... I can't think of anything. Have I accidentally latched onto the spectrum as a subject and almost become the subject in myself? (I do tend to latch onto things sometimes. My mum does. She so automatically copies accents of those she meets that one almost does not hear her own accent. I do the same to some extent. It is why I got on so well on the trains with the Irish who came across on the ferry.... Well... Until I accidentally said in my humour without thinking "There was an Englishman, an Irishman and... " I had an entire train full of people go dead quiet all staring at me.

MG you are precious

Thank you. So are you.

Question. If I am found to be on the spectrum what do I expect to happen from there? I mean... I won't have changed as a person. I am still me. Would they insist on some sort of brain transplant? Ok, maybe not that severe... Put it this way. I can't see what could be done to change anything. Yes, I can see small areas which may help, but I just don't know what can be done as if I am on the spectrum, as if my way of thinking is different, if there was a way to change that I would no longer be me? As I like the being me part. I never want to be anyone else. I would not want to be anyone else. I wouldn't want to fit in with others social settings. I like being me doing the things I do the aay I do them.

Thank you so much for the replies. Blessings.

Something I have thought of which may indicate that I am not on the spectrum is that I do not get meltdowns. However, I do get an almost sudden (Almost as I can feel it starting to happen so I usually have time to find somewhere close to lie down) energy loss where I have to lie down and wait to recover which is very embarrassing if it happens in a work place. I sometimes get on my knees instead (Which is not so easy to recover from) as it is less noticeable to others but not ideal. By doing this I usually avoid anyone noticing). Recovery usually takes about five to thirty minutes depending on how deeply I go into it. Normally chocolate vastly speeds up the recovery and sometimes prevents the energy loss from happening.
Sorry for repeating about this...

What I get does not relate to meltdowns from the descriptions that others have. However, when I do get them, I am normally stressed. A classic example was yesterday. Out of the blue my brother asked me for a bicycle part. This meant unlocking and moving a row of bicycles so I could get to look in my plastic crates (Which are heavy) and look until I find the right crate, and then sort him a part I didn't need but was useful to him. Just when he asked, as it was suddenly asked without warning I was not too thrilled. When I moved the bikes and found him a suitable part (Not quite the one I wanted to give him but he wanted something "Now", but I later did find him a better part), I then started to get energy loss so I went back to the house to lie on the sofa. As my mum and brothers wife were talking, and there was no way I could go upstairs somewhere out of the way and quiet, I was not recovering that well, but I did start to pull out of it. I then started to pull out of it until my brothers wife mentioned I should have "Grit" so I could over ride it.. (She is Korean. A lovely lady). Then my Mum said "I used to get dizzy spells and I just had to push through it".
I answered " Their"re not dizzy spells" and slightly started to get agitated (As when I recover I am in a semi state of recovery for quite a while) and I started to go back into it. So there I was back in trying to explain but the more I tried to talk to get them to understand and not try to advise me the deeper the energy loss was becoming so I had to say nothing and wait. Then my Mum gave me the last of our chocolate which we get but she munches through (As it is not really just for me... So I can never guarantee I have any there) and I started to pull out of it.
Then I was OK. This was about an hour later or more as I then went upstairs to relax to have full recovery, and then I went to put the crates and bikes away where my brother said "Do you have a file" showing me what he had welded and I went to look for one (He tried but didn't really know what it looked like in my heavy crate of tools). I lifted the crate out from the cupboard shelf and put it on the floor and the energy loss came back. I managed to find him my file, and then he went. All I could do was lie on the floor for the next twenty to thirty minutes in the place where my bikes are kept. (A room converted from a garage which was a bit small to park a car). I was there for ages not wanting to move to really make sure my energy is back before I try to getup. Eventually I get up when someone noticed I was there as others had walked past me as they didn't know and I didn't really have strength to call them... Eventually I made a recovery and was able to put the tools back and then in a semi state of recovery I went back in the house. About half an hour to an hour later I went out and put the bikes back and lock the room...

Now on days when there are no stresses... No visitors like my. Brother and wife or days when I have mentally prepared for visitors so I am expecting them... I am usually fine. It is when I am stressed as things are unexpected... Likely brotherbeing a very sociable type will bring friends and this could come in two car loads... (One being a seven seater) and so my mum gets stressed as she has to find food for them, and I get stressed and the energy loss comes. Or an unexpected event like I mentioned above.

It has actually taken me years and years to associate what is going on, that it is stress as not some sort of mystery allergy that causes this, as in the past doctors said it was an allergy of some sort, and I believed them as back then I also had an intollerence to milk products... (I'm fine with milk now). So I was always trying to change diets as though officially a basic allergy test was available on the NHS, my doctors refused to test me as they said they didn't have the budget to do it. I once had saved up £1500 to get it done privately which was about a year of saving for me, and when I mentioned it the doctor said on no occount get the test done as it is a complete waste of time. So I didn't. (It took over 25 years of asking and a change of doctors surgeries to get the basic 6 point allergy test and it came related. So from when I was in my late teens to the age of 46 (I am 47 now) to get tested! It also took almost the same time of asking to get a direct testing to find if it was diabetis. It is not. Test came up clear. I have though had all sorts of other blood tests done over the years checking liver, pancreas and even aids as in my teens aids was a new thing and it was thought we could catch it from toilet seats.
Anyway. A great mystery which I am desperate to solve, as I really need an income. Without knowing what it is I can't go on sick and I can't get a job or sign on as the energy loss situations are happening a lot more frequently these days then ever before.

Right off the bat - the first sentence is nonsense:" one reason I cant be on the spectrum is that I don't get meltdowns".

I don't get "meltdowns" either, but I am officially diagnosed with aspergers.