I'm only speeding because I have to poop.

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I'm only speeding because I have to poop.

A work colleague has a sticker saying this on their work locker.

Someone my dad worked with sh!t his pants on his way home

I've seen that sticker, but because I take everything so literally I have so many logistical problems with it. What about whenever you're NOT speeding? Or parked? And what if you DON'T have to poop? I guess as someone who takes driving and pooping seriously, I shan't be putting such a phrase on MY car.

reminds me of that "i'm goin' nuckin' futs!" bumper sticker

My lower intestine feel tense all of a sudden.

been my experience that tense is better than loose

That Depend's.

Is getting yourself or somebody else horribly injured or killed in a car accident actually better than having a potty-related accident?

And of course, if you don't get hurt but cause injury to someone else, you're going to have to explain to cops, a judge and jury about why you were driving so fast. That would be embarrassing enough, but if the judge says you'll have to start wearing diapers while in jail, you are so not going to be safe.

You capitalized the second word, so the pun must be intentional!

“When you’re cruising in your Chevy and you feel something heavy,
It’s Diarrhea,Diarrhea.”
From the Diarrhea song

Also, you could always, like...pull over? To a rest stop? Public restrooms have been a thing for quite some time...

I'll reluctantly admit, though, I've been in many situations where I've really had to go while driving, but I've never speeded as I've always been good at holding it...except one time (it wasn't #2, just to clarify). Not fun at all, but definitely better than a car accident!

Presumably the reason for the predicament is that there are no rest stops, nor gas stations, or whatever, on that stretch of road.

Or someone(more so with women I think) is afraid to sit on a public toilet seat

IBS on I-40 thru parts of New Mexico.Long way between restrooms and no cover on the side of the road.

My mother and I went on our annual road trip on Mother's day, and there's a lot of driving with no bathrooms or buildings at all.

And I find the fact that there are no bathrooms for dozens of kilometers makes you feel the need to go even worse.