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magz
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29 Oct 2019, 6:05 am

The story goes back to my Math teacher in middle school, let's call her Mrs W. She was a very good teacher but also a true lady, imagine a real life Minerva McGonagall ;)

All my previous teachers got angry when a student pointed out they were wrong somewhere. However, I couldn't resist making a point when Mrs W wrote something obviously wrong on the blackboard.

Her reaction astonished me, though when I think of it now, it tells more about my previous teachers than about her. She looked at the blackboard, thought for a short while, then she said "Indeed, thank you", corrected herself and went on as if nothing ever happened.

It was in such a stark contrast to bouts of other adults when a child truthfully told them they were wrong. Her complete lack of urge to defend her face made her never lose it in the first place.

Somehow it was a tiny, yet very important event in my life.


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Fireblossom
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29 Oct 2019, 6:27 am

Yup, I know the feeling. I mean I had more than one of those teachers, but I also had quite a few of those who threw a fit if a student dared to correct them.



magz
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29 Oct 2019, 6:37 am

It was something more than a story of a good teacher for me.
It was a revelation: 'Oh, this is how you handle being wrong with class!' Maybe the first example I've learned in my life.
My parents take it personally when I disagree with them. The example of Mrs W was like showing me a completely new way, a way that was classy and logical and so unbelievably simple!


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29 Oct 2019, 8:18 am

I think the ability comes from having a secure sense of self.

Any side of a dispute would benefit from acknowledgment of error, as it's an opportunity to grow, with a shared goal in sight, it's about resolution/progress and not remaining opponents.

The issue I believe, is that many interpret an admission of being wrong as an open door invitation to behave in narcissistic ways towards the person with a secure sense of self.

This response in the past has made me regret admitting that I was wrong, as it left me in a vulnerable position, with those who view the world in terms of gaining power and control.



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29 Oct 2019, 8:18 am

magz wrote:
The example of Mrs W was like showing me a completely new way, a way that was classy and logical and so unbelievably simple!

I'm learning this myself. What a wonderful role model she was!

I am trying to turn this dynamic: family member "You are so [something]!", Me: (shame, no words)
to: Sibling "You are so [something]!", Me: "Yes, I can be sometimes" (self confidence)

Thank you for the share.



shortfatbalduglyman
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29 Oct 2019, 8:29 am

Failing to admit fault (especially in something impersonal), makes the instructor look not as competent or trustworthy

Receptive



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29 Oct 2019, 9:05 am

Yeah...if you admit fault at all, some people will take advantage, and pounce on you.

Overall, though, it's better to go the Socratic way----and learn from your mistakes through dialogue (or more than dialogue).



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29 Oct 2019, 9:48 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Failing to admit fault (especially in something impersonal), makes the instructor look not as competent or trustworthy

Receptive


it happens all too often.


in my experience, in school i hardly knew what the f**k anyone was talking about so i never had the opportunity to correct anyone.


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magz
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29 Oct 2019, 10:46 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Yeah...if you admit fault at all, some people will take advantage, and pounce on you.

Overall, though, it's better to go the Socratic way----and learn from your mistakes through dialogue (or more than dialogue).

I find people pouncing on you that way always very insecure themselves.

There was a family member who tried to mock me because of my psychiatric treatment. My response:
Yes, I have mental issues but at least I do treat them. I can recommend you my doc, you know, it's really hard to find a good psychiatrist...
This person never again made any allusions to my mental health.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Oct 2019, 11:06 am

Yep. That was smart.

That’s what you have to do with people sometimes.

You have to be smart with bullies.



magz
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29 Oct 2019, 11:19 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Yep. That was smart.

That’s what you have to do with people sometimes.

You have to be smart with bullies.

I've gone through several schools to learn it...
And what I learned is - being superficially polite and deeply secure is a thick armor against bullies.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Oct 2019, 11:23 am

You have to let the bullies know, in a polite way, that you are "onto" them.



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29 Oct 2019, 1:07 pm

When I was at school all the teachers I've ever had liked it when a child pointed out a mistake. They would say, "so it is, well done". It wasn't unusual for kids to point out mistakes. I didn't because I didn't pay enough attention in class to notice.


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30 Oct 2019, 9:20 am

As a child, I'd take the message wrong.

Instead of encouraging me to reconcile with the mistake and move on...
Pointing out mistakes and making others concede means I'm right.



I had a LOT of 'lessons' I've thoroughly misunderstood over the course of my life. A LOT!.. :(


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aquafelix
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30 Oct 2019, 9:27 am

Sounds like a cool teacher



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30 Oct 2019, 1:32 pm

magz wrote:
The story goes back to my Math teacher in middle school, let's call her Mrs W. She was a very good teacher but also a true lady, imagine a real life Minerva McGonagall ;)

All my previous teachers got angry when a student pointed out they were wrong somewhere. However, I couldn't resist making a point when Mrs W wrote something obviously wrong on the blackboard.

Her reaction astonished me, though when I think of it now, it tells more about my previous teachers than about her. She looked at the blackboard, thought for a short while, then she said "Indeed, thank you", corrected herself and went on as if nothing ever happened.

It was in such a stark contrast to bouts of other adults when a child truthfully told them they were wrong. Her complete lack of urge to defend her face made her never lose it in the first place.

Somehow it was a tiny, yet very important event in my life.


I've had only one experience like that and it had a huge impact on me too.

Even when things are more balanced (age, authority figure not being a thing) I'm still very wary of people who won't admit they were wrong even when it's obvious or make a huge deal out of it.


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