You know, I usually tell people that you're curious, that being aspie is just weird because we live in a world shaped by and for NTs. They make a lot of noise everywhere, they like strong lights and colors, their emotions are screaming and show them easily, very sentimental and also usually like to touch others. This all doesn't make much sense to me, and some things are very uncomfortable. Maybe if we switched roles, and most of them were aspie, the NTs would feel as out of place as we do. But that's just the way it is, and anyone who runs away from the pattern has to fit in. Now that I know my diagnosis, I don't try to hide too much who I am and how I interact with the outside. But before I adopted a social mask, and that was chaos. I tried to pretend that that loud music at the party was nice, and that I loved it when they hugged me without warning...I kept forgetting who I was for trying to fit in. Today I no longer do that, I expose how my mind works. And the interesting thing is that from the moment you have understanding people next to you, who are willing to listen and accept, everything becomes easier. My biggest problem without a doubt is the lack of social intelligence. Starting, maintaining and ending a conversation is very difficult. Knowing when to talk, when not to talk, what to say, whether to laugh or get serious, whether it's to help or whether it's time to leave...things that for most are answers that come naturally, not for me, which generates a gigantic anxiety. And when I have someone who knows my conditions, it's simpler to ask them "should I say goodbye now?" without being extremely strange. I think I like to be an asperger, after all, I'm a normal person. And I'd say Asperger brings me more positive than negative things. I just need the right people and the right places.
05 Jan 2020, 11:58 pm
