[ POLL ] What Constitutes Bullying?

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What Constitutes Bullying?
Behavioural – exclusion from work events or activities, non-cooperation, setting unrealistic deadlines or demeaning tasks outside the job description. 14%  14%  [ 18 ]
Correction - factual, grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors, as well as mispronunciation or misuse of spoken words. 3%  3%  [ 4 ]
Denial - withholding intangible favors (i.e., attention, affection, intimacy, et cetera) from others, including strangers. 6%  6%  [ 7 ]
Disagreement - differences of opinion, whether back up by valid facts or not. 1%  1%  [ 1 ]
Displayed – offensive posters, calendars, slogans, graffiti and so on. 9%  9%  [ 11 ]
Ghosting - ceasing all communication and contact without warning; ignoring emails, phone calls, text messages, as well as ignoring one's very presence. 6%  6%  [ 8 ]
Penalizing - responding to anti-social behavior with appropriate actions; reprimands, warnings, dismissals or 'banning, et cetera. 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
Physical – unnecessary bodily contact, making gestures, violence, damage to property, unwanted physical advances. 18%  18%  [ 23 ]
Verbal – rude comments, offensive jokes, banter, patronising comments, bad language, threats, persistent criticism. 18%  18%  [ 22 ]
Written – offensive emails, notes, texts, letters, et cetera. 18%  18%  [ 22 ]
Other: ________________ (Please explain). 6%  6%  [ 7 ]
Total votes : 125

Fnord
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09 Mar 2020, 5:18 pm

It seems that, depending on the person asked, bullying can be defined as something obvious like physical and verbal abuse, down to something as benign as walking away from a bad relationship. What are your thoughts?

You may select any or all options in the poll, and you may change your selections at any time.

Thank you.



Karamazov
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09 Mar 2020, 5:51 pm

Looks like I checked a few more than you!
That said I checked a few where my thought was that could be, but also might not be: depending on context.



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09 Mar 2020, 6:04 pm

Behavioral
Physical
Verbal
Written

Other - Gaslighting, cyberattacking


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09 Mar 2020, 7:26 pm

All of the above except penalizing can be forms of bullying. What's the determining factor for me is intent. If the intent is to upset someone in some way, that's bullying. If someone asks you not to do something and there isn't any reason you can't comply (for example, continuing to stim in some way after someone has asked you to stop is acceptable if you explain why you can't, but continuing to correct someone's grammar while they're speaking after the person has asked you not to, that isn't), that can also be bullying because once someone has asked you to stop, you know they don't like it, so not making any effort not to do it to/around them(and of course doing it more on purpose, as some people do :roll: ) could be seen as deliberately bothering them, which would count as bullying. But then things like teasing among friends, where the person doing the teasing is not intending to hurt the recipient, is not bullying (though if the recipient tells the teaser that they don't like it and they continue to do it, that is). If someone accidentally annoys or hurts someone else, that is not bullying, that is an honest mistake. It only becomes bullying if the person knows what effect their action had and does not apologize or try not to make the same mistake again.


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09 Mar 2020, 9:30 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
All of the above except penalizing can be forms of bullying. What's the determining factor for me is intent. If the intent is to upset someone in some way, that's bullying. If someone asks you not to do something and there isn't any reason you can't comply (for example, continuing to stim in some way after someone has asked you to stop is acceptable if you explain why you can't, but continuing to correct someone's grammar while they're speaking after the person has asked you not to, that isn't), that can also be bullying because once someone has asked you to stop, you know they don't like it, so not making any effort not to do it to/around them(and of course doing it more on purpose, as some people do :roll: ) could be seen as deliberately bothering them, which would count as bullying. But then things like teasing among friends, where the person doing the teasing is not intending to hurt the recipient, is not bullying (though if the recipient tells the teaser that they don't like it and they continue to do it, that is). If someone accidentally annoys or hurts someone else, that is not bullying, that is an honest mistake. It only becomes bullying if the person knows what effect their action had and does not apologize or try not to make the same mistake again.
I agree with this & won't vote since this is all relative based on intent & the poll doesn't factor that in.
However as a kid I was bullied alot & the teachers usually said how the bullies were just joking & I took things personally that weren't meant to be. & I was accused of bullying when I retaliated or accidentally did or said something the wrong way or when I was joking around. I don't know how the f#ck bullying is defined except that bullies sometimes don't get called on their sh!t but the people retaliating against them get the bully label. The definition is all relative depending on the person's social status.


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10 Mar 2020, 8:12 am

[X] Other: I left out "Condescension", and "Dismissal of value due to previous victimization by a bully".


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10 Mar 2020, 9:26 am

In my experience, boys and men used physical force, while girls and women used name calling, gaslighting and ghosting.



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10 Mar 2020, 10:56 am

Pretty much all of that (though I think there were a few words I didn't understand) under the right circumstances. That's why I voted for other.

Correcting someone's grammar for examble is often very called for, especially if you can't tell what they're trying to say because their grammar is so bad, but pointing out every missing dot and such all the time even though the text is understandable can be counted as bullying. But of course, some people consider pointing out even one grammar mistake as bullying, and there's no way that's fair, unless the mistake is pointed out in a clearly insulting way, like saying: "The word "grammar" has two M's, idiot!"

As for expressing one's own opinion, it can be considered bullying depending on the place you express it in. If there's a group named "We love cats!" then you shouldn't join it and tell about how you hate cats. Yes, you have the right to your opinion, but the place is specifically for people who like cats, so it's impolite to bring up an opposing opinion.



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10 Mar 2020, 10:28 pm

Depending on context & circumstances all of them could be used as a means to bully. For instance, even penalizing could be bullying in cases where the penalty is excessive and or is being issued by someone with prejudice.


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27 Jul 2020, 8:33 am

* BUMP *

Please note the current poll results.

For instance, only one person checked "Disagreement - differences of opinion, whether back up by valid facts or not" as a form of bullying.

Does that mean -- for the sake of only one person -- we should all avoid stating anything that might conflict with something someone else has already stated?


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27 Jul 2020, 1:32 pm

Your sense of humor definitely rings a bell.

So you really believe it's a good choice to openly break rules of a community you feel connected to, for the sake of... what? Bullying someone you believe to be a covert bully?
Fight evil with more evil?


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27 Jul 2020, 2:00 pm

The term "Covert Bully" is like the term "Undiagnosed Aspie" -- in the same way that a person is not entitled to claim to be an "aspie" if they have never been diagnosed as such, you cannot know that someone is a bully if their alleged bullying cannot be shown to have happened.

"Covert" means not openly shown, engaged in, or avowed.  Thus, if an alleged act of bullying cannot be shown to have happened, then the most likely reason is not that the alleged act of bullying was performed "covertly", but that the alleged act of bullying never really happened!

Presenting contrary opinions does not constitute bullying.  Correcting someone's mistakes, false data, or misplaced beliefs does not constitute bullying.  Refusing to blindly accept another person's unsupported claims does not constitute bullying.  Asking another person for evidence to support their claims does not constitute bullying.  Posting factual evidence that outright refutes or dismisses another person's false claims does not constitute bullying.

What seems to constitute bullying in the minds of certain individuals is being caught and called out for posting claims that simply cannot be supported in any way other than "I believe it to be true" or even "I read it somewhere on the Internet"; and what seems to drive some people toward accusing others of bullying is that their desire to be believed is greater than their desire to be correct.


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27 Jul 2020, 2:59 pm

The_Walruz wrote:
magz wrote:
The_Walruz wrote:
^ So you've never had a post removed from the "Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent" for covert bullying - the defense rests :lol:

and you keep doing it :roll:
Apparently, you find one's history of having posts removed by mods a justification for overt bullying.
The justification I give myself is when lesson are not learned

And yes I am no better for this type of behaviour - sue me :P

Would it then be okay if I started to bully you?
Just a hypothetical question.


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27 Jul 2020, 3:06 pm

magz wrote:
Would it then be okay if I started to bully you?
Just a hypothetical question.
Serious question -- how exactly would you go about doing that? I can't think of anything you could say that would bug me. I lack empathy and the ability to put myself in someone else's shoes so I can't relate to a circumstance where you would be able to bully someone.



The_Walruz
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27 Jul 2020, 3:15 pm

magz wrote:
The_Walruz wrote:
magz wrote:
The_Walruz wrote:
^ So you've never had a post removed from the "Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent" for covert bullying - the defense rests :lol:

and you keep doing it :roll:
Apparently, you find one's history of having posts removed by mods a justification for overt bullying.
The justification I give myself is when lesson are not learned

And yes I am no better for this type of behaviour - sue me :P

Would it then be okay if I started to bully you?
Just a hypothetical question.


bully the bully who is bullying the bully ?

Are you hypothetically asking for my permission ?

Or are you asking if I would be OK about being bullied ?

Or are you trying to point out again that fighting evil with evil is not the way to go ?



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27 Jul 2020, 3:18 pm

recently an israeli made an account here to tell me my hebrew was s**t and never posted again. that was the first thing i have read on here in years that really got to me. everything else i can shrug off.

i wanted to tell him to suck it and ask "how well did YOU learn your 4th language" (or 3rd of 5th, depending on how and what you count) but cooler heads prevailed in the end :oops: :roll:


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