Am I being the judgemental a-hole here or nah?

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Before jumping to conclusions & voting yes due to any personal bias you may have against me, please at least read my rant:

We have this local C-19 Facebook group where people can ask for or offer various types of help. Many of the requests (posted as “NEED”) are for help with food/groceries. That’s fine. I think it’s great that those who are quarantined or high risk or have had their incomes disrupted can ask for help and others who are able to help them do so. This is not what I take issue with. At all.

My gripe with many of these “NEED,” posts is that a lot of what people are requesting for food donations are not “NEEDS,” or good value for money, At All.

If this is war (on a virus) then one’s grocery list should reflect that and ought to read like a wartime ration list of basic essential staples that will get them through tough times so they don’t go hungry. I’d like them to have things like dry rice, flour, eggs, salt, sugar, oatmeal, canned meat or fish, peanut butter, beans/peas/lentils, potatoes, onions, fresh or frozen fruit and veggies, maybe milk/butter, bread etc.

Instead some people are posting that they have no money and “NEED,” someone to go buy and deliver juice, or their favourite brand and flavour of cheesy poofs, cigarettes, or The Worst value for money: a delivered Uber Eats fast food meal.

WTF? You’re on the internet begging strangers to buy you food out of the kindness of their hearts and you have the gall to ask for crap like that that are IMO very clearly WANTS and not NEEDS? GTFO o’ here!

All that said, am I being a judgemental a-hole for my opinion on this or nah, these ppl are out to lunch with their lunch “NEEDS?”

Yes = judgemental a-hole
No = these people need to learn Needs from Wants

Never done this before, but I’ve enabled re-voting in case discussion in this thread changes anyone’s minds and they want to change their vote either way.

It’s the people’s choice whether to actually give them that Uber Eats meal. They really don’t have to give it to them.

If it’s for charity, beggars can’t be choosers—as long as decent-quality stuff is provided.

Make them pay for it out of their own pockets—I mean the Uber Eats takeout.

Don’t get hot under the collar. Just let these folks know you can’t provide luxuries.

Juice, to me, is a “staple” sort of item. Especially orange/apple juice. Those powdered drink mixes aren’t needed—but they are cheap if they are “store-brand.” Ramen noodles are indispensable for people with flu-like illnesses.

Based on the scenario you describe, you're a "judgmental A-hole", as you put it.

Are you correct that people should cook their own healthy meals from basic and nutritious food items rather than eat highly processed unhealthy foods? Absolutely.

However, people should do a lot of things differently to make their lives and the lives of others better. In fact, there are probably things that you yourself should be doing differently than you do, if not for yourself, than for others.

"That person shouldn't get any help unless they sell their fossil fuel burning car and either bike or walk everywhere."
"That person shouldn't get any help unless they stop eating meat."
"That person shouldn't get any help because they don't use reusable grocery bags."
"That person shouldn't get any help with free clothes because they should learn how to sew and make their own."
"That person shouldn't get any help with finances until they learn how to be financially responsible."
"That person shouldn't get any help unless they stop going to that less than tolerant church."

I could go on and on.

If there was a person who actually did rattle off the above examples, would that person be judgmental? Yes.

Personally I would have no problem at all with cooking with your list of food staples. I've been cooking as one of my special interests for forty years and I haven't eaten fast food in twenty years.

I fully understand I’m under no obligation to buy them an Uber eats meal. And I won’t.

IMO it’s HIGHLY disrespectful of them to even request it. A F’ing luxury of a hot meal delivered from a restaurant? WTF? They have No Food. That same $15-20 could feed them for a few days instead of one meal.

FWIW I sent $20 to one guy who bought some mask making supplies for his sewing friends to help out with that effort, and just sent $80 to a FB friend I’ve never met who is quarantined with symptoms, highly immunocompromised, and disadvantaged in terms of earning capacity. (Also mildly on the spectrum.) Other than that I’m only looking out for immediate family and maybe A very good friend of mine who May need some help in the months ahead.

I’ve been extremely charitable over the years. Buying groceries for people, sporting goods for teens at the Christmas Bureau etc but I REFUSE to be wasteful and murder $20 on one meal for someone who should get a few days worth of survival groceries for that same money instead.

It may be a regular item for you, but not for me. I don’t consider it necessary Unless you are diabetic. I’ve only bought juice a handful of times in 20+ years. People Need water, not juice. And the vitamins and minerals etc from them can be had elsewhere.

It’s just MY opinion that when you’re begging, it should be for essentials of life, not Wants you can go without while you’re too poor to pay for them yourself.

I'm not going to say whether or not you're an a-hole because everyone is allowed their own opinions about charity. To me it's no different than people who post Go Fund Me accounts for seemingly frivolous things, or whinge for handouts when other people have much greater needs. It's up to others whether or not they have compassion or want to participate by helping them.

I'll point out though, that many autistic people have routine "same foods" that they eat to the exclusion of most other meals. This could be for sensory reasons, personal preference, or a matter of strict routine. A lot of autistic adults I speak with on other fora are having a very difficult time because they can't have their "same food", or find the "same food" that their child wants (and in some cases, demands). Quite often these people will have a very difficult time eating anything else, and may put themselves at risk by not eating at all.

There are other reasons why people may want or need a specific comfort food even if they aren't autistic. The reasons could be dietary even if their chosen food doesn't seem to be "staple" by others' standards.

I'm not saying that all the people you read about have these serious concerns. Maybe they just want a specific food for comfort or to alleviate stress. I understand this is "war times" so to speak, but if someone does have the food they want / or is willing and able to provide it for them (regardless of who pays), I see no harm done. (Assuming of course, the person decontaminates it fully and follows all health protocol in the exchange without breaking social safety rules).

I do take offence to people hoarding food in the markets, or going out unnecessarily for items that they could survive without, but that's another issue altogether.

I heartily disagree about juice.

Juice contains essential Vitamin C. And it boosts peoples’ immune systems. And it’s not expensive. Why not give people juice?

Who wants to spend their lives drinking just water?

You have a decent list. Don’t blow it by getting petty about juice.

And people who have lost their jobs because of the coronavirus aren’t beggars. Don’t treat these people like that.

I do agree that it seems rude or inconsiderate to be asking people to get non-essentials for you. And this is from someone who is quite picky and to whom "disliking" a food means "I gag when I try to eat this, I literally cannot force myself to swallow it." We're kind of in a "take what you can get" situation right now. There is a difference between "really, really want" and "actually need. However, I don't see a problem with someone saying "I need a,b, and c, and I would appreciate it if while you're at the store you got some x, y, and z for me." as long as they provide the money to pay for x, y, and z. But asking someone to make a special trip out to get you x, y, and z or expecting the person getting it to pay for it seems rude to me.

Those people who are apparently asking for frivolous things may very well be selfish in doing so and Fish can be judgmental about it. The two aspects are not mutually exclusive.

I wouldn’t get all hot under the collar about it.

Those Facebook folks could just refuse to get these folks the frivolous things.

Judgemental yes, not sure if that makes you an a-hole though - you have some valid points.

The juice thing - I know a few people with dentures who can't eat an apple. And I don't usually drink juice but I have 6 bottles of low-sodium v8 stashed away in case I can't buy fruits and veggies at some point.

Yes, some people take advantage and it sucks. But most people are pretty decent and it took some of them a lot of courage to post that they needed help.

There you go, problem solved. Next rant.

I say no. I was poor for most of my life and made all sorts of tasty meals with basics.

It always boggles my mind that food banks ask for pasta sauce. What waste of money. All you need is a tin of chopped tomatoes and some seasoning. I've never bought pasta sauce in my life. Why can't people make pasta sauce? White sauce isn't that hard to make either.

A lot of good posts in this thread. I’m impressed tbh. Best thread in a while.

Agreed with Magna and the should mentality.
Also
Some folk dont know how to cook.
Someone very ill may not have the energy/ability to cook.
Sometimes people are opportunistic.

A week ago when I was sick with covid 19, I couldnt do the simplest of things, my executive functioning was out on sick leave lol and my sensory sensitivity was off the charts.

You haven't made it clear whether you kicked if about it on the group.