Writing about feelings

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Hi, I was just wondering if anyone had any thoughts about freewriting as a coping skill to deal with unpleasant emotions. As a TA in a school, when I found out that had to stay at home and do distance learning (at the time most likely for the remainder of the year), I was feeling stressed and hurt so I decided to write a long poem about my deepest feelings toward a very special student of mine that I may not ever see in person again. I have almost 3 full pages now and I've been adding a little bit each day. Sometimes, I tear up and cry a little but during my writing. Is this a healthy coping strategy? I'm looking for thoughts about this. Also, I was thinking that since I cannot be there in person for him to give him a present or even a hug, that on the last day of school (distance learning) I would read him my poem. I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not. I'm thinking of it like the last thing I can do for a child I love. However, when I had an online tutor read it over, they told me that I could get in a lot of trouble for reading it unless I clear it with the principal first. The problem is, I don't really feel comfortable sharing it with anyone else because the feelings are very personal about the bond that this student and I have shared over the last year and a half. The intense pain he has caused me at times and yet how much I love him and only feel so sad because I want to help him be his best. You know, feelings like that. What can I do? Any thoughts about this would be greatly appreciated. By the way, this student is moving up to middle school (5th grade) and that is why I cannot see him again when the school year ends.

One of the keys to writing is the maxim "Show, don't tell".

It is far more interesting to read what a sad character says, does, and looks like than to simply read the words, "She was sad".

In fact, don't even use the word "sad" (or any synonyms) to describe the character; keep it all about active descriptions without going overboard.

Aren't there rules about boundaries between teachers and students.

To me this seems to be crossing a boundary.

It would be better to write an encouraging card with a short message saying well done and wishing them success in the future.

Dumping all of your emotions on a 5th grader seems very inappropriate.

I should have added that I think it's lovely that you care about your students. You just need to find a more tactful way of expressing it.

My issue is that I care too much about my students and I love him. Whenever he's sad, it makes me sad. Whenever he's happy, I'm happy but I get nervous because I know out time is coming to an end much sooner than later. I just want him to know that my heart aches because I can't be there for him next year but that helping him was my pleasure because even though I got mad when he threatened his life, I love him and that will never change.

I think you have crossed a line. It is not at all appropriate for a 24 year old to be proclaiming such intense love for a child. It certainly isn't okay to tell the child those feelings.

If you want to write and find it therapeutic to express your feelings privately then that is good. You might want to consider some professional therapy in regards to boundary issues.

That's crossing a major boundary. You could lose your job or be sued by the student / their parents.

(Fifth Grade ??! !) --- omg you can definitely be sued. Chances are, a student that age wouldn't even understand the content, but it is highly inappropriate. I thought you were talking about a teenager at the very least.

Write the poem but don't send it.

Also, re: Fnord's comment. You should never use the words "sad" or "nice" in writing. Describe, don't define.

It depends on the type of “feelings.”

Saying this, I doubt that I would have such strong feelings for a child of that age.

Thank you for the input. And by love I don't mean in an inappropriate way. I mean it in such as way that I sort of wish he was my son so that I could give him a warm bed to sleep in and hot meals and always try to be there for him whenever someone his hurting him to remind him of what a special child he is no matter what he hears people say. I feel like I am a trusted adult to this kid. It takes him a very long time to do his online schoolwork now. It should only take 1 1/2 hours but it usually takes him 6 because he gets sidetracked and tells me about his video games and other interests. Part of me thinks it's just comforting for him to hear my sweet familiar voice because if he didn't, he'd have to hear his older brother calling him names and trying to humiliate him, which he hears anyway sometimes. And also, I know I shouldn't have these types of feelings but all people have feelings, even teachers and TA's. It's very hard to tell yourself to just turn them off and stop feeling love and compassion for the students, especially those who trust you implicitly.

I understand what you mean.

But don’t express such intensity to the child.

Well, what do you guys think I should do? I can't give him a hug on the last day of school or even wish him good luck in person because we are stuck at home.

I would just write him a letter wishing him excellent luck in his future endeavors. Tell him you are confident he will do well in his life.