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Mountain Goat
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11 May 2020, 5:45 pm

Sometimes I hide. Hide from people. Hide from life...



dragonsanddemons
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11 May 2020, 10:09 pm

Me too. I’ll retreat to my bedroom and hide under the blankets, or to a corner and make myself as small as possible, or even hide under a chair or a table on occasion. I also hide in my fantasy worlds, almost completely oblivious to “real life.” A combination of doing that so much and also having severe depression leave me with minimal memories of approximately from seventh grade until after I’d graduated from high school.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


Misslizard
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12 May 2020, 9:56 am

They keep finding me dammit.


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Karamazov
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12 May 2020, 10:18 am

Yes, I’ve done that too.
Physically hid myself, hid my mind in fantasies, hid my life from myself in obsessive study without purpose.
Currently not doing so: but no guarantee I won’t end up there again in the future.



Mountain Goat
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13 May 2020, 5:12 pm

When I get situations that I can't deal with I will hide when I get back home, even though the situation could have been when I was working (E.g. an angry customer) and home is not at work. I would spend the evening in my bedroom and even hide in there so I feel safe from the angry customer... As what happened would repeat through my head for a while... I am recalling one event now. Somehow it is hard not to. If someone says something to me in anger, it stays with me when they have forgotton all about it. They may not see this, but it can effect me for a long long time as it can be hard to distance from the event? Hence why I sometimes hide as it is a way of distancing?



dragonsanddemons
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13 May 2020, 5:23 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
When I get situations that I can't deal with I will hide when I get back home, even though the situation could have been when I was working (E.g. an angry customer) and home is not at work. I would spend the evening in my bedroom and even hide in there so I feel safe from the angry customer... As what happened would repeat through my head for a while... I am recalling one event now. Somehow it is hard not to. If someone says something to me in anger, it stays with me when they have forgotton all about it. They may not see this, but it can effect me for a long long time as it can be hard to distance from the event? Hence why I sometimes hide as it is a way of distancing?


That’s something that would probably get me fired if I had a job where I had to deal with situations like that, because I couldn’t wait until I got home - immediately following the incident, I would find a corner or a small space to hide in until I’d calmed down enough to be semi-functional. Most employers probably wouldn’t take too kindly to that, I’m guessing.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


Mountain Goat
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13 May 2020, 6:06 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
When I get situations that I can't deal with I will hide when I get back home, even though the situation could have been when I was working (E.g. an angry customer) and home is not at work. I would spend the evening in my bedroom and even hide in there so I feel safe from the angry customer... As what happened would repeat through my head for a while... I am recalling one event now. Somehow it is hard not to. If someone says something to me in anger, it stays with me when they have forgotton all about it. They may not see this, but it can effect me for a long long time as it can be hard to distance from the event? Hence why I sometimes hide as it is a way of distancing?


That’s something that would probably get me fired if I had a job where I had to deal with situations like that, because I couldn’t wait until I got home - immediately following the incident, I would find a corner or a small space to hide in until I’d calmed down enough to be semi-functional. Most employers probably wouldn’t take too kindly to that, I’m guessing.


Somehow I would always manage to make it to the end of the shift, get home and then it would hit me, and if it didn't hit me then, it would at bed time where the whole days event would unfold!