Funny times you misheard someone or vice versa

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I wasn't sure how to word the title, but one thing that always makes me laugh is when you say something and somebody mishears you and thinks you said something else.

I'll start by giving a couple of examples:

At work (as a cleaner) me and my colleague had to mop the staff lounge while nobody was in there. My colleague saw a large puddle on the floor by the water dispenser and she said, "there's a flood on the floor." I thought she'd said that there's blood on the floor, so I turned around worriedly and exclaimed, "blood?" She laughed and corrected me, and that made me laugh too.

One time at work I was alone and a gardening glove fell off the shelf on its own, which was a bit creepy. When the boss came in, I said, "that glove fell." And he thought I said "that glove smells". I almost collapsed in laughter. He didn't find it funny, but he wasn't offended or anything. I just laugh at these things.

What conversations have you had where you or the other person said a word and it got misheard? Tell us your funny stories.

Many. Just not in English.

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This was just few hours ago, on my way to the mall...


While riding on a motorcycle. Mom's driving while I'm riding at the back;

Mom: (Do you have your) Christmas?
Me: Christmas???
Mom: Graze Mass!
Me: Graze? Mass??
Mom: FACEMASK!!

Then we proceed trolling one another on the road.

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Often I can get disstracted with embarissing results. The last time it was really embarissing was when I was invited to join a small gathering organized by the local autism team. (The people who are employed to assess etc). I came slightly late that morning because the roads were flooded in places and the driver in front decided to do 20mph all the way in, and there was no where suitable to overtake as the few places I could had cars coming the other way.
So though I didn't want to be late, and I may have been a little bit annoyed that the driver in front was doing 20 for most of the journey where I would have been doing the normal road speeds of 40 to 50 as the floods were only about a foot high in places and that was at the sides of the road... But anyway. It was a really exciting drive in as the water aas gushing down the hill... And where I had parked, I walked by a river to get to the place, and the river was in full flood and the fast brown water was passing me... And I dawdled a bit to look at it! Who wouldn't!! It was fascinating!
But then I went to the building and saw someone wave, so I went in. I don't think they had been there that long and I was about five minutes late? I went into the building and stood there for a short while not sure what to do until someone said to sit down so I did... And I saw a picture on the wall with a local past scene. One of those old black and whiet or brown and white photographs. It totally distracted me for a while and then I thought I had better not show that my mind was on looking at the painting as I was supposed to be a part of the group.
Now I had been told that I should meet this guy who did not live too far from me. About four miles away. They said he was in a similar situation as I was (Waiting for an assessment and Similar age? He looks a bit older then me? Maybe 10 years older and he seems more normal in the things he talks about?) Anyway. There was a conversation going on between the two who were part of the autism team and this man.
Now when I had met the autism team people before they had mentioned that I should meet him and I think they were assuming that he would make a good friend as they thought that we are similar.
Now while they were in conversation, they were talking something about the difficulty he had in making friends... Or so I thought. I am not that good at keeping friends for long as somehow I am on different wavelengths, but if someone is lonely I could at least be polite and try. So I said "I will be your friend but I have a lot on the next week or two" (My Mum had a few things happening and I had to drive her to them)... But when I said this, they all went quiet, and they did not know how to reply to me. Then the man said that he was looking for a lady fried, and thanks for the offer but he was not into men!
I was soo embarissed! I must pay more attention and not let my mind get distracted! I just didn't know what to say so I went quite! Haha!! !
I thought he just wanted an ordinary friend. Oh gosh! I put my foot in it again!
But anyway. We all ordered a meal and then people started to leave as they had other places to go. Then the autism people went and it was just me and this man left not knowing what to say. He talked a litle and then made his excuses to go as he thought I was gay. I am not gay. (If I was I would not be very good at it! No. I am not gay). But it was awkward. I was too embarissed to say I was not gay so he assumes I am gay.
Then the next meeting was cancelled due to the virus. I really don't do so well in casual groups of people. I can do one to one conversations, but in groups I tend to be an outsider, and if I do try to talk I am often on a complete tangent and everyone goes quiet while I talk but they then move on with their conversation as if what I said had not been said. So I normally just do my own thing in my mind and I don't want to be there as I am not part of it if that makes sense?
Anyway. I thought I would share a typical embarissing missunderstanding that happens to me on occasions... And part of the reason why I don't seem to be very good at being social as I often find I am on a different wavelwngth to everyone else and I seem to be treated more like a pet dog who is required to be there and sit patiently before he gets to go on his walk!

MG you are absolutely precious.